


Gilded by Night

by rivai-lution (stethoscopesandsigs)



Series: Gilded By Night 'verse [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Graphic Description, M/M, More tags as necessary, Origin Story, Origins, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, off-screen sexual violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-04 10:02:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 66,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1079659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stethoscopesandsigs/pseuds/rivai-lution
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows that Erwin Smith is destined for greatness. Young, strapping, and intelligent, he's moved up the ranks almost effortlessly. Frustrated by his robotic charm, his General decides to teach him some humility by forcing him to be a bodyguard to a Crimson - a government sanctioned, high-level prostitute. He's determined to get through this bullshit assignment as quickly as possible...until he's sucked into Levi's world and forced to come face to face with his past, his heritage, and his humanity.</p><p>Origins, slow-burn, prostitution, and a lot of moral greyness ahoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Black and the Crimson

**Author's Note:**

> Woohoo, so, this is the first chapter of my much anticipated multi-chapter fic! I hope you guys enjoy it. A few little notes:
> 
> \- This is a slow, slow, slow burn. It's going to be more sensual than sexual and I want to warn you of that right now. Please don't ask me when the sex will happen. Just enjoy the story. 
> 
> \- Comments are very appreciated!
> 
> \- This fic is dedicated to my partner, Will, who helped me come up with this fic, and who has listened to me read it aloud with great enthusiasm.

“Hey, Smith, who’d you piss off this time?”

“Hooo boy, I never thought I’d see you in blacks!”

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen!” 

A perfect, practiced smile spread across his perfect, practiced lips, cracked them open just enough to reveal straight white teeth, reaching his eyes because he had taught himself to look genuine in the mirror every night for weeks when he was eight. He wanted to keep that well-crafted smile on as he drove his fist into the faces of these asshats, but that simply wouldn’t do. He laughed a little instead. 

“Oh, this? General thought it brought out my eyes.” He shrugged casually, picked an apple up off the table, and polished it with his black cape. The other soldiers eyed him, everyone smiling back but with an air of unease. Being put in the blacks was usually a one way street, and one often reserved for those who weren’t fit for battle. Everyone was well aware that Erwin was being groomed for a position of leadership. He had already made seven kills and twenty-five assists, and was often invited to drink with the generals. Strapping, tall, and with blue blood in his lineage, it was hard to imagine what sort of misstep might have landed him here. Erwin certainly wasn’t going to say. 

Everyone knew he had to have done something, but seeing him there with every ounce of his usual confidence robbed them of their words. Instead the soldiers looked a bit too long, each of them trying to decide what to say, before finally returning to their conversations with the others around them. Good, Erwin thought. Let them gossip like weavers at a loom. He didn’t give a damn about what they had to say and it hardly affected him anyway.He would be done with this assignment in a week or two...it shouldn’t take any longer than that for the General to cool her heels. In the meantime he would think of it as something of a vacation. It was likely to be the last one he’d have a chance to take, anyway. 

The entire debacle might not have been so bad if he had been assigned differently. Many of those who wore blacks took their duties very seriously and were happy to carry them out. But General Maur hadn’t been interested in giving Erwin a vacation; she’d wanted him to learn a lesson. Thus, instead of assigning him to the palace or the church, she’d assigned him to the Crimson House. 

“So you’re a personal guard now, Smith?” Mike asked, plopping down next to him and smirking. Mike wasn’t afraid to pry past Erwin’s perfect smile, damn him, so Erwin was left with little choice but to nod. “For now, Zackarius. For now.” The man gave a knowing look and nodded before sipping at a cup of tea. “Just make sure you come back from there. I know it’s cushy, but we need your mind on the field.”

Erwin’s expression didn’t falter once as he replied quietly, “If it were up to me, I’d never leave.”  
***

“Oh good, you’re here.” 

Erwin noted that she might have actually meant that. She was old enough to be his grandmother yet she was still stylish, her figure slim and her clothing ornate. Her curly hair was fairly close cropped and the color of salt and pepper, her skin cinnamon-toned and smooth, her nose aquiline, her lips full. “You’re Isabelle?” he asked, offering her his hand along with a quirk at his lips. 

“Ms. B, if you please. Your charge has his own apartment, and you’ll be staying in the room off to the side. Come with me and bring your things, I’ll show you where to go.” 

_His_. The pronoun made Erwin’s brow raise slightly, but not until Ms. B’s back was to him. He had thought that the entire point of this ridiculous exercise would require him to be charged with protecting one of the female Crimsons. Either Maur had known exactly what she was doing and was being exceptionally cruel, or this was all just an unhappy accident. Erwin concentrated on his expression and wiped the disappointment - and the question - off of his face. He would figure this out as he went. 

“I’m afraid he’s already left for a morning appointment, so you’ll need to sort your things later. Right now, you need to get to him.” Ms. B turned around and gave him an appraising look. “Normally, he would never leave this place without you, but there was nothing to be done this morning. Hurry please, sir. I need you there before he leaves the house.” 

“Understood,” Erwin said, projecting an air of confidence, giving her a look to convey that he knew what he was doing, that she had nothing to worry about from him. But instead of relief, she simply stared at him a moment, turned, and unlocked the door to the apartments. 

As they stepped inside, Erwin was struck by the sheer spotlessness of everything. Though the sitting room was not terribly ornate, it was perfectly arranged. No cobwebs adorned the corners, no dust accumulated on the shiny surfaces. There were rows of books organized seemingly by color, low tables made of rich, dark woods that matched the wood of the floor, and long, flowing curtains in deep maroons and greens. A few brilliantly detailed bronze statues decorated the shelves, and a few paintings hung on the walls. Before Erwin could properly consider them, however, his host was clearing her throat and beckoning him into a room. 

“This is where you will sleep. Only when you are sure that he is settled for the night, do you understand, sir? His room is next to yours. I hope that you are a light sleeper. There are many guards in this building, but the loss of a Crimson for any reason would be devastating. You must be ever vigilant.” 

Though he was somewhat mystified over what could possibly be so threatening to the Crimson, Erwin nodded, smiled, and replied, “Understood, Ms. B.”

“Good,” she said, and showed him into his room. Inwardly, Erwin groaned. It hardly qualified as a closet, much less a bedroom. There was enough space to the side of the single bed to walk up next to it, but that was all. A small chest of drawers occupied the corner, and a bar in the ceiling was the only thing nearing a closet. In fact, it was most likely that the room had been an actual closet at some point. “Alright, Captain Smith, please leave your things on the bed. I’ll have Frederick take you to him. You can see the rest of the apartment when you return.”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin started, remembering himself. “You keep referring to him as...well, as ‘him’, I was curious...what’s his name?” 

“Apologies, Captain, I thought you knew,” she smiled then, a smile that told Erwin that he should have known, that the information he’d been given already should have been enough, and it was that smile that sent an ice cold finger of realization shooting down his spine. Oh, he thought, just as she opened her mouth to speak.

“His name is Levi.”

***

Ms. B might have been in a hurry, but no one else seemed to be. Erwin arrived at the residence sometime in the midmorning, but the sun had already reached the middle of the sky and his charge was nowhere to be seen. 

“You’re sure... _sure_ this is the right house?” he asked the driver, grimacing as the man shot him an annoyed look. “Yeah I am, _Captain_. Dropped him off here this morning. You think I have any control over how long these guys want him? Just cool it, alright? You’ll get used to the waiting eventually.” 

Erwin doubted that highly. His muscles were screaming for activity, his mind felt like it was going numb from all of it’s spinning. Had Maur known what she was doing to him? What kind of goosechase she was sending him on? He had to decipher the best way to get back into her good graces, and it needed to happen quickly. Wasting his time guarding Crimsons - even important ones - wasn’t going to do anything for his credibility. He had ideas, good ideas for advancing their fight beyond the wall, but no one would listen to a personal guard. Fucking Maur.

He looked down at himself, at the black uniform that had been fitted for him yesterday. Putting his browns away last night had been almost physically painful, mainly because he knew what he was trading them for. Even if this demotion was temporary, everyone clearly knew about it already, and seeing him in the black uniform of the personal guard this morning would have expelled all doubt. Nevertheless, if Maur wanted to test him, it was likely due to being on the verge of a promotion, so Erwin reminded himself to be patient and, as always, perfectly suited to his position. 

“Ahh, he returns,” the driver said, nodding. “Told you so, Captain. Now go and help him up. He’ll need it.”

Erwin slipped out of the carriage and walked around it, opening the door that faced the house and standing at attention. He saw Levi, then, and swallowed. He looked as good as he ever had, slinking out the door like the housecat that caught the canary. His pale skin was shaded by a rather ornate parasol, milky white under a sheer black shirt and what looked to be matching, nearly-sheer pants. He wore soft slippers on his feet, which stepped silent over the walk. A few paces from the door he turned, cocked a hip, and lifted his eyes to a window on the second story. Erwin managed to catch a curtain drawing closed, and then Levi was sidling toward him yet again. 

He was small, ageless, and magnetic. Every movement of his body screamed something illicit, something filthy, something _feral_ and begging to be tamed. His lips weren’t plush, but they were curved into a wicked smirk, his eyes weren’t large, but still seductive. Erwin had been taught to appreciate beauty from a young age, and though there was beauty in him, there was something else entirely that far outweighed it. And just like that Levi was standing before him, looking up expectantly. It struck Erwin, then, just how small the other man was, and he schooled his face into something impassive and reached out a hand. Levi’s hand was half as big as his own, and as he used it to push himself into the carriage, he felt as though he weighed almost nothing at all. Without a sound he was safely inside, and Erwin climbed up after him and shut the door. 

Levi stared at him for a moment, his smirk replaced by a blank sort of passivity. Erwin returned his stare for a moment, then looked away in an attempt to be polite.

“Hey,” his voice was lower than Erwin had expected, rougher. Brows slightly raised, he looked over to see Levi’s legs spread in a way that might have been obscene, but was far too careless. His arms were crossed over his slip of a torso, his brows drawn down slightly into a lazy scowl. “Yeah, you...you the new shithead?” He lifted his chin as though evaluating Erwin and frowned. “Lookit you, fuckin’ fancy ass. Your mom give you that haircut? Shit.” He gave a small _ha, ha_ and his attention flicked over to the window. 

Erwin stared wordlessly. Had he not physically helped Levi into the carriage, he never would have believed that the guy he was speaking to right now was the same one that walked out of that house. The boy who had left the house had been seduction personified. This guy...this guy was a thug. Erwin could hardly stop his smile. 

“You’ve got a shitty look in your eyes you know, old man. Pretty, rich assholes like you never want conversation. Ah well, fuck it. At least the last guy wasn’t so full of shit. I can see it leaking out your eyeballs.” With that, Levi leaned over, lifted the edge of the curtains, and peeked out. He was muttering something under his breath, something that sounded like, “Filthy”, and Erwin tried to remind himself not to stare.

“It’s the military standard haircut,” he said, finally. Levi ignored him completely. “And I doubt that Hans the barber is my mother. So, no.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Levi replied simply, still squinting out the window. “I don’t give a shit about your fucking haircut. Draw me a bath when we get home and otherwise leave me the hell alone.”

Erwin nodded, pulling his face into a neutral, expressionless mask that his fellow soldiers had always hated. “I suppose you’re the one who isn’t into conversation then, aren’t you?” 

Levi looked up at him then, and Erwin realized that his eyes were a pale grey. In color and shape they were almost odd, and came together with the rest of his strange features into something surprisingly striking...and at this moment, dripping with disdain. “Hey, fancy pants? I don’t need to talk to some prettyboy lapdog like you. I’ve seen this before, you little teacher’s-pet brown-nosed bullshitters who’re sent down here for a spanking and then pop off back to the barracks to fuck their squadron up the ass or whatever it is you shitty fucks do in there. Fuckwads like you show up and get all excited thinking this assignment means you can blow your musty little ass-kissing load down my throat but I don’t write your paychecks, bitch, and you get nothing free. So fuck off about your dumbfuck haircut, draw my fucking bath and leave me the hell alone.” 

“Fair enough,” Erwin replied, pulling back the edge of his own curtain and watching as the buildings went by. He looked back at Levi occasionally, but never caught those grey eyes again. His gaze was fixed out the window, his mind seemingly elsewhere. Erwin couldn’t help but wonder, though, how he’d drawn such a sharp bead on him so quickly.


	2. Fruit and Labor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you talk to your clients like that?” Erwin asked, a hint of a smile on his lips.
> 
> “Only if they pay me to,” Levi replied with disdain.

Drawing the bath, as it turned out, wasn’t difficult at all. Erwin thought to himself that Levi could have managed it easily even while skulking about the room, but at least it gave him something to do. Once the tub was full and steaming, Erwin turned off the taps, dried his hands, and turned around to find Levi staring at him, already naked except for the towel wrapped around his narrow hips. 

“Hey pervert,” he said, curling his lip in Erwin’s direction as he sidled past. “Get out of here. You think I want your sick ass watching me for free? Shoo.” 

Erwin took a step toward the door, then turned and leaned against the door frame, pulling a perfectly serious expression over his features. “You’re sure you’re not in any danger?” he asked, tone bordering on urgent. 

_Tch_ , Levi stared at him and shook his head for a moment before repeating, “ _Shoo_ , fly.” Erwin smiled, nodded, and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Just as it closed, however, that improbable voice came again. “Hey, asswipe, get B to bring up some food for when I’m done. Get some for yourself too. And wine...for me, not you, you lazy fuck.” Erwin made some sort of agreeable noise, but figured he could get to that later. Who knew how long Levi would be in the bath? And anyway, he wanted to get his bearings in the apartment. 

He walked through the rooms to ascertain the basic layout, running his calloused fingertips over the spines of books, the curtains, the smooth walls. From what he could tell, Levi’s apartment took up the entire top floor of the Crimson House and consisted of a sitting room, a kitchen, a bathroom, a large bedroom, Erwin’s tiny closet-room, two walk-in closets full of clothing and costumes, and a library. It was spacious, immaculate, and perfectly organized. His attention fell on the statues...he’d noticed them earlier, but hadn’t had the chance to really look at them. The first was a wolf, and soundless howl etched across his features. The second was a horse, small and lithe like the ones they used outside the walls. The last was some sort of bird, but Erwin wasn’t sure what kind. He wasn’t overly educated on the subject of birds. 

He mused over the statues for a moment - they were exquisitely detailed and fine - and then let his eyes slip to the books. Each title was boring and monarchy-approved, and Erwin lost interest in them quickly. He turned to the pictures on the wall and in properly viewing them, he found himself a bit...shocked. The paintings were of something he would not have recognized, except that he had seen similar pictures in the homes of the elite: the sea. Blue swirls and white caps covered each canvas, with one depicted in the daylight, another at night, and the last at sunset. It was a little shocking that Levi had such things, that he was allowed such things, and Erwin chalked it up to a client gift. Still...it was interesting. 

Erwin mused to himself that, all told, Levi was a far more interesting subject than he might have imagined before today. The transformation between the seductive creature that slipped out of the house, that stopped to look back up at the window like a secret, desperate lover and the bitchy foul-mouthed thug that was currently soaking in the other room had been most unexpected and thoroughly...well, delightful. He had always been obsessed with these sorts of things - puzzle boxes, trapdoors, poisonous berries - anything that had an appearance which belied it’s true nature. He ran his finger over the statue of the horse, appreciating the detail, wondering. 

A splash from the other room shook him from his thoughts, and he decided that it was time to order food for His Highness and unpack his things. Still, that room with it’s books and it’s art drew Erwin, and he resolved to spend more time in it. It was a far cry better than his “bedroom” in any case.

***

No less than an hour later Levi emerged from the tub, skin pink and very slightly less surly. One of the servants had brought an array of food that had shocked Erwin, and it had been everything he could manage not to eat the lot of it all at once. Not only was Levi given flatbreads and cheeses, but his trays were also laden with berries, dried fruits, and even a small assortment of meats. Though Erwin had been fortunate enough to never want for food growing up, spreads such as these were hardly even seen at wedding dinners. In fact, the only time he’d ever seen several cheeses, meats, and fruits in one meal had been at official functions where only the highest and the mightiest were invited. All of this...for a _Crimson_? He stared at the food, his mind wandering back to the army rations he had subsisted on for years now, and fought a nearly overwhelming urge to squirrel some of it away for later. 

When Levi caught sight of the food, he looked it over with a vague sense of acknowledgement. “You can eat, you know,” he said with a drawl, collapsing onto the couch in a heap of silk robe and wet hair. “Wow, thanks,” Erwin said with just a hint of mock-sincerity, but there was a smile in his eyes. Levi looked him over for a moment, a scowl stitched across his brows. “I know they don’t feed you well, asswipe. So fuck off with your manners, you don’t need to wait for me to eat. I eat like this every day.”

“I suppose I chose the wrong profession,” Erwin offered with a smirk. Nevertheless, he took up a small plate and began to fill it with the meat, cheeses, and fruits. Levi gave him a look that tried for boredom, but there was poison there...Erwin could feel it. 

“You wouldn’t last a day, you old fuck.” Levi plucked a raisin from the tray, threw it in the air, and caught it in his mouth. “You silver-spoon motherfuckers always think my job is easy. Then again, I guess you take it up the ass for a living too, one way or another. Maybe you’d make it just fine.” He began to smirk again as his pale eyes flicked over, crawling up and down Erwin’s form. “Tell me, when they bend you over do they use any lube? Or do you have to take your orders dry?” 

“Depends on the General,” Erwin shot back with a shrug. Levi smirked back at him for a moment, then settled back on the settee, his eyes drifting over to the paintings on the wall. Despite Levi’s earlier comments about the wine, Erwin decided that he would have some, Levi be damned. Luckily, the decanter had come with two glasses, and Erwin poured himself a fairly sizable amount to go with this late lunch. 

“Christ, I thought you were supposed to be genteel or some shit. It’s fucking rude to pour yourself a glass an-...”

“I was just getting ready to ask you if you wanted some,” Erwin interjected, earning himself another scowl. He poured the second glass and handed it over to Levi, who was putting together a sandwich. More uneasy silence passed between them, and several minutes of chewing and drinking came and went before Levi finally broke it. “So tell me, Soldier Man, you ever killed a titan?”

“Seven,” Erwin replied, putting on an air of nonchalance. He watched Levi carefully, and though he showed very little surprise at the number, Erwin certainly saw something light up in his eyes. They sipped their wine in silence again, but this time he could feel those pale eyes on him, so he decided to make another stab at conversation. “I didn’t think you’d be allowed those paintings...aren’t they considered heretical?” 

A frown crossed Levi’s thin lips and he sneered. “Not when the high priest of the Order of the Walls gifted them to you himself. They’re all hypocrites, just like you, ya shitty fuck.” But this time at least, there was no venom in his tone, just resignation. Those pale eyes drifted over toward the paintings for a moment, and just as Erwin was about to speak, Levi continued. “I don’t want the shitty paintings though.”

“What do you want, then?” Erwin asked, looking around. “You seem to have everything you need already.”

The look he was met with was incredulous, flashing with anger for a moment before settling down into a sneer that plainly stated that Erwin was the world’s biggest idiot. “Do us all a favor, old man,” Levi said, pushing his body up off the settee and slinking back toward his room, “And don’t fucking talk about things you don’t understand. I have an appointment tonight. We leave in an hour.” 

***

When Levi emerged from his bedroom, he was clad in what appeared to be a single piece of crimson silk wrapped around his body and flung over his shoulder just precisely so. He was back to moving with feline grace, which appeared to be the only way one could move in such a garment. As he slunk about, the light in the sitting room caught golden threaded embroidery and gorgeously intricate beadwork, but none of it grabbed at Erwin’s eyes like the milky pale glimpses of skin that seemed to slip through regardless of how carefully Levi moved. Those pale grey eyes were lined in smoky black, and upon closer inspection, gold dust accented his cheekbones and brow. Somehow, his lips looked fuller, though it was nearly impossible to say why. His narrow feet were clad in beaded silk slippers that matched his garments, and a simple gold chain coiled close around his long neck. 

“Pervert,” he muttered darkly as he opened a closet and removed a black leather satchel. “Every last one of you Sina brats is a fucking pervert. Must be in the water.” 

“Do you talk to your clients like that?” Erwin asked, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Only if they pay me to,” Levi replied with disdain. “Let’s go, old man.”

They reached the carriage without incident. Due to the restrictive nature of Levi’s outfit, he had to be more or less lifted up and placed inside the carriage in a smooth motion, which appeared to pain him to no end. Erwin pulled his face into professional impassivity, but in actuality he was fascinated by the way he felt. Levi was so small, so lithe, so light. His body was lean muscle, skin, and bone, and his very bone structure was so fine it was almost bird-like. Erwin thought about how birds had hollow bones and wondered what Levi would be like in a set of 3D Maneuvering Gear. The mental image made him catch his breath, but he told himself it was only because Levi was in his living-walking-breathing-sex mode again, and it was impossible for anything with a pulse not to be seduced. 

As he settled into the carriage and caught Levi’s expression, however, he was brought back to himself. He’d made it fairly clear earlier that he didn’t want Erwin speaking to him, but at the same time, he seemed starved for conversation. Erwin couldn’t blame him...the apartment seemed to be a lonely place in a way that he couldn’t quite pin down. 

“I’ve seen you before, you know,” he began, not really caring if it was a good road to go down. 

“Then you must _really_ come from money, fancy fuck.”

“No, not that kind of money. I doubt I could ever afford you, honestly. I’m...being groomed, for lack of a better term. It was a party for one of the officers who had just been promoted and I was invited along.”

“Ah yes. _Parties_.”

“I take it you don’t enjoy them?”

Levi reached over and opened the curtain on his window, staring silently out into the early evening grey. 

“You performed beautifully. I remember wondering early in the evening why you had such a legendary status...but after I saw you dance, I understood.”

“Yeah well don’t expect a fucking repeat performance,” Levi shot back, his eyes steadily and pointedly avoiding Erwin. 

“Can’t afford you, remember?” he replied with a chuckle. “It was about a year ago. I think everyone pitched in to pay your fee so that the guy getting the promotion could spend the evening with you, but naturally they wanted you to entertain the party guests first.”

“I don’t know if you fucking expect me to remember or some shit. That’s all in a night’s work for me.” 

“I don’t,” Erwin assured him. “You just...it’s the way you move. It intrigued me.”

Levi finally looked at him again, one brow raised. “Oh yeah, I fucking bet. Intrigued your dick, Captain Hard-On. Congratufuckinglations, you’re not fucking special for liking the way I move. I making a fucking living with this shit. Get the fuck over yourself.”

“How old are you?” Erwin pressed on, ignoring his rant entirely.

“What kind of shitty question is that?” he shot back with a sneer. 

“You look very young, but you don’t build a reputation like this quickly.”

Levi stared at him for a moment, and Erwin noted that even when his face was twisted into a scowl, his features were striking. 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, old man,” Levi finally replied, his scowl slowly evolving into a smirk. “I’m younger than you and older than I look, but I’ve been doing this shit for a long time. It’s old hat.” 

Though he truly doubted that he was _that_ much older than Levi, Erwin didn’t mind being called “old man”. Levi certainly meant it as an insult, but he found it oddly charming. Maybe Levi was right, maybe he truly _was_ a pervert, but the man’s surly nature wasn’t off-putting to him at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. 

They rode in silence for awhile, Erwin catching the moonlight slipping over Levi’s face in the shadows of their carriage, and he wondered rather idly what the hell it was that Maur had sent him here for. Even with his completely ridiculous attitude and vocabulary, Levi managed to be one of the most seductive creatures that Erwin had ever seen. He wasn’t overly prone to being seduced, either; drunken faceless encounters with strangers were more his style, the quick and dirty pawing in the men’s room, the mouth wrapped around his cock in some vaguely familiar alleyway. Erwin preferred to attend to his needs with minimal effort, minimal clean-up, and absolutely no true connection. He was far too busy for anything else, and given his designs for the Survey Corps, his life expectancy was something he’d rather not involve another person in.

So what was different about this pale and sullen creature? Erwin told himself that it was the promise of simplicity...sex as a business transaction, no feelings involved, but you could take it slow if you so desired because lingering and tenderness would not be confused for anything beyond a preference. Perhaps. But in addition to the conveniences inherent in Levi’s trade, there was something else about him. Erwin suspected it was the same indescribable quality that drew all of his clients to him, that nameless, powerful _something_ that seemed to flow off of him in waves. Erwin couldn’t help but wonder if it came naturally to him, or if his appeal was something calculated...all business. He would have believed either.

“Hey, shit head, wanna stop staring? You’re pissing me off.”

Staring? He hadn’t realized it, but he wasn’t really sorry either. Regardless, he murmured an apology and returned his gaze out the window. 

“Maybe when you get promoted, your buddies will be nice enough to chip in too. I think that’s your best bet, old man. ‘Till then, quit window shopping and keep your eyes to your fucking self.” 

***

If there was anything that Erwin had learned about being a guard, it was that the job consisted predominantly of waiting. Waiting on Levi to finish his appointments, or to get ready, or to take a bath, or more or less to do anything at all. Erwin’s job was to protect him, supposedly, but as far as he was aware no one had ever bothered to try and hurt Levi. Thus his job was less “bodyguard” and more “living, breathing footstool.” He’d been at it for one day, but that was approximately eight hours longer than he needed to be. He wouldn’t dare to give Maur an earful, but god damn it, he wanted to. 

They’d arrived at the obscenely large house and Erwin had climbed down first, again lifting Levi and placing him down gently, doing his best not to ruffle the seemingly precarious balance of red silk that clung to his narrow form. As he stood there, Erwin watched him transform, the scowl and the surliness falling away from his features, his eyes widening slightly, lips curling slightly just at the edges, body seeming almost liquid, barely contained in red silk. Erwin swallowed roughly and Levi tossed out a smooth, “Pervert,” only this time it sounded like a promise. 

_Fuck_. He was good. 

As Levi made his way up to the door, Erwin leaned against the carriage, arms crossed over his chest, and watched him. As he reached the door, Levi tossed one more look over his shoulder, and though it was too dark to see clearly, Erwin could have sworn he caught a wink. Asshole. 

After the door closed behind his charge, Erwin walked aimlessly around the carriage. He couldn’t go far, of course, but who knew how long this would take? The low rumbling of the driver clearing his throat broke through Erwin’s thoughts, and he looked up in time to see the other man gesturing to the seat next to him. He climbed up and sat down, taking the simple steel flask that was offered to him with a quiet “Thanks.”

The driver shrugged, sighed, and looked up at the sky, settling his back against the carriage. Erwin looked up as well, his eyes catching the stars above them that were just beginning to come out. “He’s something else, isn’t he?” Erwin asked, shaking his head. 

“Guess so,” the driver replied, eyes still on the heavens. “Better not to think about it, as far as I’m concerned.” 

It seemed to Erwin that there was likely some wisdom in that. He took another swig off the flask and cleared his throat, staring up at the stars just as the driver did. “How long have you worked for him?” he asked, his eyes trained on the sky.

“I don’t. I work for Ms. B. But she usually sends me out with him anyway, so I’m…used to him.”  
“Any particular reason?”

“I’m not interested.”

“Ah.”

“Oh, and B says I have the patience of a saint.”

“Seems like a necessary quality.”

The driver looked at Erwin, and even in the moonlight he looked...odd. There was something in his expression that Erwin couldn’t quite place, and then it was gone and replaced with an impassive mask. “You have no clue, pretty-boy.”

After that, they sat in companionable silence, the flask passing between them until it was empty. The driver pulled out a pipe and matches, puffing away at it until it was well-lit. Erwin had never been one for pipes, but he enjoyed the sweet smell of tobacco, and as the driver blew smoke rings, he leaned back and looked at the stars above them. It occurred to him after a few minutes that he didn’t even know the driver’s name, so he asked. 

“Frank,” the driver replied, “And you’re Erwin Smith. Maur gave us the lowdown.” 

Though he wanted to ask what exactly the lowdown had been, Erwin bit his tongue. If Maur had let on why he was there, he’d rather not know, and if she hadn’t, he didn’t want to give himself away. 

“Nice to meet you, Frank.”

***

When Levi finally emerged from the house, his gait was uneven and his shoulders were sagging. Erwin had expected him to saunter out like he had earlier in the day, but he just looked small and exhausted. There was a moment where Erwin wasn’t sure if he should go to help him, but he stumbled a bit on a loose stone, and before he could stop himself, he was at Levi’s side. 

“Hey old man,” Levi croaked as he scowled up at him, “Come to get your paws on me? Pervert.” But even so, he sagged against him, and Erwin awkwardly put an arm around his shoulders because he would have had to lean down to wrap it around his waist. The sound Levi made was derisive but not an objection, and together they made their way back into the carriage. When Erwin lifted him up and placed him inside it was without a word - there really wasn’t anything to say, was there? - and Levi curled up on the cushioned seat, shifting so that his weight was evenly distributed across his outer thigh and hip with his shoulder leaning against the wall of the carriage. 

Moments later they were on their way, and Erwin schooled his features into something neutral so that he wouldn’t flinch at the expression on Levi’s face every time they hit a bump in the road. The red silk, rendered dark by the shadows and moonlight, still clung to his skin, but his hair hung down limp and ragged around his face. He kept coughing in a way that he hadn’t been before, but the flask was empty and Erwin didn’t have anything to drink. With his teeth clenched and his jaw set, he closed his eyes and appeared to be asleep, and Erwin felt tremendously naive and a little ill. 

Levi had been inside the house for approximately two hours. It was impossible not to wonder what it was that had happened, exactly, during that time, especially considering the condition that he was in now. Was it like this every night? Erwin couldn’t help but wonder, and if so, how had he managed to do this for so long? Then again, from what he knew, Crimsons had a fairly low turnover rate...unlike the prostitutes on the streets of Sina. It must have paid very well, because why else would someone subject themselves to this? It was different, he reasoned, from being a soldier, where injuries were common but purposeful. Meaningful. How did you endure this when there was no greater meaning? When your sole purpose was to help musty old government officials and military brass satisfy their perversions? 

“Hey, shit head” Levi said, one eye cracked slightly open and staring at Erwin. His voice was even rougher than it had been before. “When we get home, run me a bath.” 

“Another one?” It was a question he regretted immediately.

“Yeah, dumbass,” Levi stared at him a moment longer, closed his eye and muttered, “Wouldn’t you?”

Erwin imagined that were he to feel what Levi felt right now, he’d never stop bathing. It had been a stupid question, but he made no apology, just let Levi go on sitting there with eyes closed, watching him wince every time they hit a bump. Christ.

When they finally arrive home, Erwin stepped out of the carriage first as always, but instead of helping Levi down, he simply picked him up and began to carry him up the stairs to his apartment. 

Levi smirked in spite of himself. “Hey, asshole,” he said, “You have such a determined look in your eye. What a _soldier_. Fuck me, a perfect little soldier. Captain Perfect.” Erwin didn’t reply, but it made no difference, Levi kept going regardless. “You can carry me up the stairs but don’t get some shitty idea, okay? I’ll slit your throat in your sleep and you’ll never see it coming, fuckface, so once we get upstairs you keep your hands to yourself, got it?” After a few more jabs, they’d finally reached the apartment, and just as Levi asked, Erwin set him down and started the bath. 

With the bath drawn, Levi stepped in and shoo’ed Erwin out, but he stayed at the door to listen anyway. He heard what he expected to hear - a splash as Levi stepped into the tub followed shortly by a hiss of pain and a muffled groan. Erwin found himself covering his mouth as well, in part to avoid being heard, but also because imagining what Levi was feeling made him cringe. 

“Oi, Captain FuckFace, can you stop eavesdroppin’ for ten fucking seconds and get B to send some bread, cheese, and wine?”

Erwin cleared his throat and sighed, “Will do, boss.” 

“Shut your fancy fucking mouth, shitstain.”

Erwin smiled.


	3. A Request, a Meeting, and a Bloodied Knuckle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Levi,” Erwin said finally, his arms shaking slightly, “The hell are you doing?”
> 
> “Helping,” Levi said simply, and Erwin could feel him moving, shifting until he was standing, all of his weight precariously balanced on a single foot which was resting just below Erwin’s shoulder blades.

Despite being awake late into the night, Erwin woke just before the dawn, as was his custom. With his muscles aching from disuse, he pulled on soft boots, pants, and a loose shirt before making his way down the stairs for a morning run. He would miss having access to their training gyms and courses at headquarters, but he could make do...for now. Maybe Maur would give him permission to head back up to headquarters when Levi wasn’t in an appointment. But Ms. B...she wasn’t likely to let him be gone that long regardless of where Levi was. He would simply have to get whatever exercise he could manage. 

The morning air held a chill, but the run was satisfying. Erwin needed to feel his heart pounding, needed that searing of cold air in his lungs. When he arrived back at the apartment, he laid a blanket on the floor in a broad, open front room and immediately began a routine of stretches and exercises, putting his body through an array of punishing motions. Levi sauntered in just as he was pushing himself into a plank, smirked at him, and promptly sat down on his back. Erwin grunted, but Levi sat there as serene as could be. 

“Levi,” Erwin said finally, his arms shaking slightly, “The hell are you doing?”

“Helping,” Levi said simply, and Erwin could feel him moving, shifting until he was standing, all of his weight precariously balanced on a single foot which was resting just below Erwin’s shoulder blades. Erwin craned his neck over to see what he was doing and was somewhat shocked to see Levi balanced perfectly, “sitting” as though he were in a chair, one leg crossed over the other, his arms extending from his shoulders in perfectly straight lines, his chin raised, defiant, and nearly playful. Erwin looked at the floor again quickly, trying not to picture what they must have looked like from the side. Something about it made his cheeks warm, and he would be damned before he let Levi see him blushing.

Erwin’s muscles began to twitch and tremble of their own volition, and through clenched teeth he asked, “Sleep well?” The noise that Levi made was frustratingly noncommittal. A few moments of silence passed, and just as sweat began to bead up on Erwin’s forehead, Levi continued, “If you mean, am I feeling better than I was last night, then yes, I am. I heal quickly. That’s an advantage in this line of work. Regardless, I’m not taking any appointments until this afternoon.”

With feline grace, Levi leapt off of Erwin’s back, and Erwin let himself down onto the floor with a huff. By the time Erwin looked up, Levi was balancing on his forearms, his torso straight up in the air, his legs bending back over him so that his toes nearly rested on his scalp. “Christ,” Erwin muttered in spite of himself, shaking his head. Levi just scowled at him and muttered back, “Pervert.”

Erwin smirked. Two could play at this game. As an apparent effort to wipe the sweat from his brow, Erwin lifted the bottom of his shirt and showed off the musculature of his abs to great affect. Levi scowled more and slid down to the floor before doing a handstand. Slowly (but with perfect precision) he lowered his legs into a deep, perfect split, and held it there. Erwin raised a brow and began going through his favorite hand-to-hand fighting routine, going through the moves in a circle around Levi as he watched with apparent boredom. As Erwin punched, kicked, and dodged imaginary foes, Levi did a series of complex bends and stretches, his body moving in increasingly tantalizing ways. He was so thin, Erwin found himself trying to decipher how such a slender person could possess the strength to do half of the moves that Levi could. 

He finished his routine and stared quite unabashedly as Levi formed himself bit by bit into a circle, his shins on the floor and his body curving up with his thighs, cresting with his hips, and curving down with his torso until his head came to rest on the soles of his feet, his hands clasped behind it. 

“That’s incredible,” he finally offered. Levi sighed and rolled slowly out of the pose, springing to his feet and looking up the space that separated them with his usual defiance. “Hey old man,” he said, crossing his lithe arms, “What were you thinking a minute ago, when you gave me that shitty look?”

Erwin was, in a way, surprised he’d noticed. “I was wondering if you’d ever used 3-D maneuvering gear, honestly.” 

The question was an honest one, but the way Levi stared at him caught Erwin off-guard. With a look of disgust, Levi shoved past him and headed for his bedroom. “Tell B to bring me breakfast, then get yourself cleaned up. You’re disgusting.” He sighed, rolled his neck, and stretched his arms above his neck. “Yes, your majesty,” he muttered, wiping his face with his shirt and heading downstairs. Ms. B seemed to know what sort of things Levi would want for breakfast, and Erwin was back upstairs and rinsing off moments later. 

The sheer variety of the soaps next to the tub shocked him...nearly as much as the array of brushes and instruments next to them. He used a cake of soap that smelled of sandalwood to wash his body, and another that smelled of pine to wash his hair. Hot water at the turn of a tap was a rare thing, nearly as rare as everything else in this strange apartment. As he rinsed the soap from his body, Erwin considered Levi’s reaction to his question. Clearly, there was some reason why it was such a sensitive subject...perhaps Ms. B or Frank would know. Then again, poking into Levi’s past felt overly intrusive somehow. The chances of his past being a happy one were low, very low indeed, and Erwin felt as though some tact would be in order, at least. 

Next to the tub, Erwin found a stack of impossibly soft, incredibly sweet smelling towels, and indulged himself by using two of them instead of one, simply because he could. At the barracks he was lucky to have one small, thin towel after one thin, cold shower. Winters were practically unbearable. 

With a towel wrapped about his hips he walked across the hall only to find Levi perched on his bed, surrounded by bowls of dried fruit, nuts, and hard boiled eggs. He raised a brow but said nothing, going to the chest of drawers to get a clean uniform. After a moment it became clear that Levi had no intention of leaving, so Erwin dropped his towel and began pulling on his clothes. 

“You know, I could be wrong, but I think that your room is more accommodating,” he offered as he did up his zip. 

“It’s boring,” Levi said with a sigh. “So’re you, but at least you move around and talk sometimes.”

“Fair point,” Erwin replied, buttoning his shirt. “You know, I only asked what I did earlier because I was impressed with your core strength. You’re so thin, I wouldn’t have expected you to be able to pull off half of those moves.”

Levi shrugged and nibbled on a walnut, but his eyes were trained on Erwin. 

“Levi, I…” 

“Teach me to fight.”

Erwin paused, his eyes finally meeting Levi’s, surprise playing across his features. A moment later, his expression was schooled back into a cool curiosity, and he replied, “Why?”

Levi stared at him as though he were the densest person alive...and he likely was. Erwin thought about the way Levi had looked the night before and immediately felt chastised. “Nevermind. But Levi...I-...I don’t think I can do that.”

“ _Bullshit_!” Levi’s voice was at a higher volume than Erwin had ever heard it, that one word practically shouted, and Erwin raised his brows in spite of himself. “What, I’m not military so I can’t learn to fight? Is it such a fucking cult that you can’t even teach me how to throw a punch like you were in there? No, bullshit, Erwin, you just don’t want to, you’re too worried that you’ll get in trouble and be left here in blacks forever, aren’t you? Fuck you, old fucking man, I didn’t realize you were such a fucking pansy-ass. Never-fucking-mind, I’ll teach myself.”

In one smooth motion, Levi was off the bed and stomping out of the room, and Erwin was standing there stunned. Talking to Levi was like walking through a minefield without the messiness of lost limbs. Erwin shook his head, popped a hard-boiled egg into his mouth, and chewed as he walked the few feet from his own door to Levi’s and knocked lightly.

“Fuck off, stupid piece of shit.”

“Levi,” Erwin started, “Do you know how much trouble I would be in if you...used something I taught you against a...well, a client?”

“I’ll pay you.”

“I don’t need your money.”

“In sex, then.”

“I-...” Erwin paused. The thought of fucking Levi hadn’t been far from his mind since he’d seen him the day before, but not...not like that. not as a business transaction. It wasn’t that he wanted it to be emotional, per se, or even special, he just didn’t want it to be so...cold. “No, Levi. The payment isn’t going to make a difference.”

The door swung open and Levi stood there for a moment, eyeing Erwin carefully. “What will make a difference, then?”

“Nothing,” Erwin replied with a shrug. “I’m sorry. Its a risk I’m not willing to take.”

“Then fuck you.” Levi replied, and the door slammed shut in Erwin’s face. 

***  
The next few days were miserable. Whatever good will had been fostered the morning that they had exercised together was gone, replaced by sullen glares (from Levi) and awkward attempts at conversation (from Erwin). Erwin found respite in his early morning runs and his unhurried conversation with Frank, but being stuck in the apartment for hours per day with Levi’s angry silence was verging on unbearable. He needed to get out. 

He’d been sending Maur messages all week long, unsure that he would ever hear back from her. But four days after his fight with Levi, five days after his initial banishment, she finally deigned to see him. Ms. B handed him a note when he came back from his morning run and strongly suggested that he read it in front of her. When he said that Maur wanted to see him that morning at ten sharp, he saw B’s jaw clench. 

“Erwin, they must know that can’t just take you away without warning.”

“Does it interfere with an appointment?” 

“No,” she paused, and something strange flickered through her eyes. Had she not been so composed, so seemingly unshakeable, Erwin might have thought that it was fear. “As long as you’re back by four. His appointment is at six, but it’s on the other side of town.”

“I should be back by noon, Ms. B.” Erwin pulled a winsome smile over his features, exuding confidence, hoping it would calm her. “It’s just a standard meeting with a superior officer, and Levi will be here the whole time.”

“He isn’t supposed to be alone at all, Erwin.” The look that she gave him was sharp, reproachful, as though he should have known. His brows furrowed. What was it, then, that he was supposed to be so aware of? Crimsons had to be protected, he knew, from those who might hold them captive or sell them to the criminal underworld, but no one would get to him in here, would they?

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand...he’s safe here, isn’t he?”

“He is, and we must keep it that way. He must be supervised, that’s all.” Her gaze still felt heavy to him, pregnant, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that something in this equation didn’t quite add up. 

“Well, I wont be gone any longer than strictly necessary. Deal?”

“It’ll do,” Ms. B turned abruptly and bustled away, and Erwin stared and tried to make sense of the exchange. It was clear that there was a reason why she wanted to keep someone around Levi at all times, and as he walked up the stairs, Erwin began to see the apartment as less of a dwelling and more of a...cage. One locked a door to keep people out, but also to keep them in. Was that the issue? Someone like Levi, someone in his position could have easily attracted a stalker or another unsavory element. But he couldn’t quite banish the other possibility, either. 

For the moment, however, there was nothing to be done, and Erwin needed to focus on his meeting with Maur. As he walked through the door he more or less ignored Levi, who was pushing his body through the same incredible range of stretches that he did every morning, and walked straight to the bathroom to get cleaned up. Ignoring him was his latest tactic, and he felt as though it might have been working, even just a bit. He couldn’t be sure, but it seemed that Levi’s eyes were following him, even when his body remained perfectly in place. Once he was sure he was out of Levi’s sight, Erwin allowed himself a small smile. 

***

At ten am on the dot, Erwin was ushered into Maur’s office. It was a comfortable, familiar place for him, though he wasn’t sure if he should show that. Maur hadn’t been pleased with him last time he’d seen her, and he didn’t want to assume too much. He looked around briefly, taking in the usual maps on the walls and the hardwood floors. Maur herself sat behind a large desk, looking every bit the general with with hair cut in the military standard style, glasses wrapping around her skull, her thick hands clasped in front of her. She was a sturdy woman, strong and nearly as tall as Erwin himself, and the pins and medals on her jacket spoke to a storied and successful military career. 

Erwin wondered to himself if she ever ordered Crimsons like the others, and imagined that she likely did. 

He wasn’t sure if he should smile, so he kept his expression neutral and nodded to her. “General Maur,” he offered, standing in a perfect salute. 

“Oh, fuck off with that, Smith,” she frowned at him, her brow creasing. “And sit down.”

Erwin did as he was told. He was good at that, at least. Maur sighed and stared at him for a moment, her gaze piercing and pointed. Erwin stared right back at her, his back straight in his chair, but he kept his chin down to avoid looking defiant. 

“Smith, you’ve been in blacks for what...five days now? And I believe you’ve sent me a message requesting a meeting, without fail, every single one of those days. Am I wrong?”

“No, Sir.”

“Do you understand why I sent you to the Crimsons?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Do you think that you could learn what I wanted you to learn in the span of four days?”

“And what is that, exactly, sir? I apologize, but I fear I might have misunderstood.”

Erwin knew that he had overstepped. Maur’s eyes were burning into his retinas, one of her thick brows ever-so-slightly raised. He wanted to point out to her that her instructions had been a delightful combination of utterly inscrutable and vaguely insulting, but if she was already getting her briefs in a bunch, it wouldn’t be wise to press. He let his eyes fall to her shoulder and pulled his features into an expression just North of neutral, placating her without looking sorry. Maur sighed, smoothed her hands over the paperwork on her desk, and pulled a pipe from the drawer on her left. Erwin found himself thinking of Frank, and was amused by the comparison. He dared not smile, nevertheless, he wondered what Maur would think of the man with his pipe and his apparent lack of a need to ask questions. Maybe they were perfect for one another.

“You’re very smooth, Smith.” She finally said, puffing away. Erwin stood, opened a window, and sat back down. He knew her well enough to know that it was expected of him. “Human beings aren’t smooth, though. They have faults, flaws...rough edges. Human beings are...ugly. Imperfect.”

Erwin took his seat, but leaned toward the desk this time, just slightly. “So you’re punishing me because you think I’m...too perfect?” He tried to keep any hint of amusement far from his tone, but it was something of a lost cause. Luckily for him, she seemed to see the humor in the situation as well. 

“Oh, fuck off with that,” she replied, and though her smile didn’t reach her mouth, he could see it in her eyes. “Look, Smith, it’s no secret that you’re being groomed for leadership. Everyone wants you in charge of your own squad...if you would give up on this ridiculous notion of the Survey Corps, you could even work your way up the ranks of the Military Police...you have the skill.”

Erwin nodded. None of this was new to him, not in the least. Yes, he was being groomed for power and no, he would not join the MP’s, no matter how many times they asked or how they cajoled. If he had wanted to sit around drunk in the lap of luxury, he would have become a priest, not a soldier. He waited in silence, letting her words ring in the air. He had said “no” to the MP’s several times, he didn’t feel that he should have to say it again. Finally, she continued. 

“Smith, no man is loyal to a machine. If you can’t scuff up your boots and dirty up your uniform, your men won’t listen to you, and in the heat of battle, that can mean the difference between life and death.” 

Privately, Erwin seethed, but his expression betrayed nothing. It was that perfect veneer that she was referring to, but he disagreed with her. What did she expect? For him to lose control? To rage and yell like some imbecile in her office? To throw a fit like a child? A leader knew how to control himself and his reactions perfectly. A moment of weakness, a flash of the wrong emotion on his features could make his men doubt him. He had achieved perfect control of his features for that reason, and her inability to appreciate the benefits of that particular skill exasperated him deeply. 

“With all due respect, General, even if my personal hygiene and…” he wasn’t sure what word to use, and after a moment of searching that felt as though it took the meaning from his statement, he continued, “Aesthetic tends to seem intimidating to others, I can assure you that it will be useful in both political negotiations and on the battlefield. Men wont listen to a leader who expresses fear in the face of danger, and being able bluff is more than half of politics in any arena. But even if you want me to…’scuff up my boots’, so to speak, I fail to see what can be learned from my current assignment.”

Maur smirked. “Erwin, don’t fuck around. I know why I sent you there, you know why I sent you there too. Just because most people don’t think to scratch your surface doesn’t mean that I can’t find the shit in your punchbowl. The best secrets to have are the ones hidden in plain sight, correct? So your...secret, isn’t a secret at all. And anyone who wants to dig up a little dirt on you will be more than satisfied to find the same thing I did.

“The sins of the father?” Erwin shot back, and his mind felt razor sharp but so did the rest of him, his eyes focusing in on her. He felt as though he could cut her in half with his fingertips, cleave through the wall with an elbow, destroy the floor with his feet. Keeping the flush of rage from his face was near-impossible, and in the effort he found himself clenching a fist. That was alright. It was the tamest scenario he could conjure. 

“Nonsense. Your father was the right hand of the King. He could do no wrong, especially with someone like her. And you’ve spent your whole life running from that.” The pipe had gone out. Maur set it in a custom-carved holder on the edge of her desk and leveled her gaze at him again. “If you can’t face your own demons, how can any self-respecting soldier expect you to teach him to face down titans?”

Erwin‘s jaw was clenched now as well, along with his other hand. He was almost vibrating with anger. For a moment, he felt himself detach from the situation, and looked down at himself dispassionately. Despite his best efforts, he knew that he looked like a man on the verge. There were only a few ways to play this, and none of them were particularly advantageous. So he stood, offered the stiffest salute of his life, and walked out the door without waiting to be excused. 

He made it out of the building and down the street before he punched a wall so hard that a smear of blood was left behind him. All things considered, it was better than applying the same fist to Maur’s face.


	4. Surprises, Pleasant an Un-.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the angst commence!
> 
> ***
> 
> Erwin knew in this moment that he was no better than any of the rest of Levi’s clients. Watching the set of his jaw, the fire in that gaze, the sheer determination written across his features, Erwin knew he would have sold most of his earthly possessions for a night with Levi. Who wouldn’t?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday! Here's the new chapter, as promised. 
> 
> WARNINGS:
> 
> NSFW: descriptions of masturbation and fantasy  
> off-screen sexual violence

By the time Erwin arrived back at the apartment he had calmed himself down, at least in appearance and demeanor. The trouble remained, of course, that the skin on his right knuckles was torn up and hadn’t quite managed to quit bleeding. He intended to walk in and make directly for the bathroom, but the sight that greeted him had him stopping in his tracks. The first thing that registered was Levi, which was quickly followed by leather and naked. He was on the floor, his entire weight balanced on his palms, his right leg straight out in front of him, the left somehow hooked up and over his shoulder, toes pointing straight ahead. The pose itself was impressive, but not nearly as impressive as the straps that covered his body. It was instantly recognizable as 3dmg, but different...black, with silver buckles and a few extra straps the seemed to serve purpose only as decoration. 

Other than the leather straps, Levi was entirely naked. And for the first time, Erwin saw that the dark black curls between his legs framed a perfectly gorgeous cunt. No wonder he was in such high demand; such a thing wasn’t unheard of, but it wasn’t common either. In the opinion of many, including Erwin, such a rare permutation of features was incredibly desirable. 

Erwin managed to compose himself at approximately the same time that Levi’s annoyed grimace evolved into a wicked smirk. “Pervert,” Levi muttered, his eyes casting down to Erwin’s crotch. Erwin was well aware the he wasn’t hard...wasn’t hard yet, but the look Levi was giving him, combined with the visual...well, he wasn’t going to last long in any case. Even so, he stood his ground, stared Levi in the eye, and countered, “Not as much of a pervert as whoever bought you those straps, I’d imagine.”

The comment was made in jest, but Erwin couldn’t help but notice the strange look that passed through Levi’s eyes, the way his mouth tightened a bit, a subtle change around his eyes. Whatever it was, the expression was gone before he could place it, and he wondered vaguely if he’d seen it at all. 

“The offers’ still on the table, you know…” Levi purred, his tone switching suddenly, jarringly into his well-practiced professional intonations. Erwin wondered if he had been coached on that, or if he had figured out exactly the tone and timbre to reach inside the mind of any man and send a jolt from the base of their brain straight down to their crotch. 

“So’s my answer.”

Tearing his gaze away was unpleasant, after all, the view had been incredible, but Erwin knew they would be leaving fairly soon, and his hand needed attention more than his cock. Of course that was precisely the moment that Levi chose to focus in on his hand, and equally predictably, chose to comment on it. 

“Starting fights now?” He asked slyly, unhooking his leg from his shoulder and lowering himself carefully to the ground. “Are you that...frustrated, Erwin?” 

He was still purring every word, his eyes hooded as he began to slink toward Erwin, hips moving in a mesmerizing curve with every step. 

“Frustrated, yes,” Erwin replied. It took more effort than he would have liked to admit to keep both his gaze and his tone even. “But I’m afraid it’s to do with military matters. Confidential.”

Levi hummed, his pale, lithe, nearly naked body making a slow circle around Erwin. “You know, if your cock is as big as the rest of your...proportions would suggest…” Levi had made his way back to Erwin’s front, now, and though he didn’t lay a finger on Erwin, the suggestion in his gaze was so apparent that Erwin thought he might be blushing. “You’d have to work me open with all of your fingers. You wouldn’t mind that though, would you?” His eyes drifted down Erwin’s body and rested on his crotch, his gaze blatantly obscene. “No,” he said, drawing his gaze back up to meet Erwin’s own, “Clearly not.”

Erwin offered him a small smile, turned, nodded, and walked straight for the bathroom. He couldn’t hear Levi following him, but he was well aware of him nonetheless. “What self control you have, you giant blond dumbass,” Levi purred at his elbow. Erwin opened the bathroom door, stepped inside, and stared at Levi who was smirking back at him wickedly. 

“Maybe,” Erwin replied, a smile turning up the corners of his lips, edging into his eyes, “That’s why they assigned me to you.” And with that, he closed the door. 

***  
The carriage ride had been spent in stony silence. Erwin had a clean white strip of cloth wrapped around his knuckles, and Levi was swathed in a large, opulent robe, underneath which he wore only the straps. He’d been quite deliberate about making Erwin notice this, and despite being fully aware that this was being done just to tease him, he couldn’t help it’s effect. Thus he’d spent the last half an hour trying to very deliberately to think of everything dull, monotonous, or sad. There was a thought that he knew he could call upon to instantaneously erase any arousal that Levi might have inspired, but the meeting with Maur was a bit too fresh in his mind, and anyway, he didn’t actually want to banish his arousal entirely...just keep it from being overly apparent. 

Levi looked out the window, the late afternoon sun reflecting red on his face. As he was being thoroughly ignored, Erwin decided to utilize the rare opportunity to stare openly, his eyes taking in the rosy light and the way it reflected off of Levi’s pale skin. Levi’s eyes, generally a stormy grey, had been converted to crimson, to gold. His pale skin was pink, the shadows beneath and around his eyes all but erased. His black hair looked nearly chocolate brown, and Erwin noted that he must have had it cut while he was gone that day; the trim was slight, but specific. Perhaps it was part of the fantasy, that he was always exactly the same, that he didn’t change, that he was somehow superhuman and simultaneously inhuman, ageless, perfect, a sculpture that you could run your hands over and feel a quickening heartbeat…

Erwin knew in this moment that he was no better than any of the rest of Levi’s clients. Watching the set of his jaw, the fire in that gaze, the sheer determination written across his features, Erwin knew he would have sold most of his earthly possessions for a night with Levi. Who wouldn’t? 

“Don’t you have somewhere else to look, fuckface?”

There was a note of tension in Levi’s voice that hadn’t been there before. He sounded almost...strained, and Erwin wondered vaguely why. 

“If I must,” he replied easily, tilting his head to the side, “But I’m enjoying the view.”

“I can tell by the fucking salivating.”

Erwin stared a moment longer just to needle him, and then quite deliberately opened the drape on his window and looked out. A moment passed before he saw Levi’s head turn in his peripheral vision, felt those eyes on him, and it was everything he could to not to smirk. Erwin was not unaware of his physical attractiveness, he’d witnessed more than once the way that others responded to his features, his body. It was partially genetics and partially the careful keeping of his body. Being aesthetically pleasing gave him certain advantages in being promoted through the ranks and navigating political negotiations. He knew full well that the red-gold light of the dying day would do nothing but kindness to his features. He could have turned then, could have caught levi’s stare, but he didn’t, and a few minutes later the carriage was pulling up in front of the house. 

Erwin got out and reached up to help Levi to the ground, but as he let go, he felt him shiver under his touch. “Chilly?” he asked coolly, brows raising just a touch.

“Fuck off.”

And with that Levi was off, slipping up to the house with his usual slinking feline grace. Erwin let his eyes rest on the faint suggestions of his body visible through the robe, the vague outline of his hips, his ass as he climbed the steps to the door. Levi knocked once, the door opened, and he was gone, and finally Erwin tore his gaze away. 

Fuck.

Frank had not driven them tonight, and this new driver couldn’t have seemed less interested in socializing. Erwin was quite sure that he had a flask tucked in his jacket - didn’t they all? - but he wasn’t about to share. So after a moment of leaning against the coach in silence he offered, “Going on a walk,” and made his way onto the grounds of the house. 

Levi’s clients were always the wealthiest and most powerful men behind the walls of the capital, and having been raised around that same set, Erwin was hardly surprised by the gaudy nature of their estates. He’d grown up around these streets, locked away from the rest of the population by heavy iron gates guarded by soldiers in blacks, because the poor must always be kept in ignorance of how the wealthy were living. When he was younger, Erwin’s father had explained to him why he was better than others, why he had nicer clothes and toys and meals three times a day. As he had grown, the other children had shown him that he was still just a bastard son of a Crimson, often with their fists. He learned to ruin them with his words, because doing so with his body would carry heavy consequences. After a few sound verbal thrashings, they had begun to avoid him, so instead Erwin spent his time around the adults while the children skulked around and called him a creep. 

He found himself in a garden, his breath misting as the moon rose and the temperature fell. He thought of Levi, then, the sunset playing over his face, and wondered about the grey of his eyes in the moonlight, the silvery way it reflected off of his skin. He thought about his hard, pale body and the 3DMG straps wrapped around his naked form, and here, in this place, finally went completely and painfully hard. Erwin sought out a small copse of trees for some desperately needed privacy and let his imagination go further, contemplating what Levi would look like suspended in those straps, the leather biting into the skin of his thighs, the curve of his ass, taught across his back and torso. He’d heard of other soldiers using the straps of their gear in certain unauthorized ways, and he let his imagination run wild with the possibilities.  
His mind was filled with images of Levi, then, bound and stretched out, needy and shaking, gagged but begging with his eyes. He slipped his hand down to undo his zip, and he knew that it was rather shameless to be doing this here in the garden of some rich pervert, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. Levi had ensured his frustration, and this was the only time he would have to himself tonight. Erwin leaned against the tree with one arm, his hand pumping down the length of him. More images of Levi flashed through his mind, first the way he’d looked draped in red silk, his milky white skin peeking out here and there, his dark hair falling soft around his eyes, the curve of his hip bones, the lines of hard muscle that led down to his cunt...Erwin’s cock twitched in response, and he pumped himself harder, faster. 

He was imagining Levi’s mouth now, how it would look open and moaning while he drove his ass down on Erwin’s cock, while he rode him to perfection, shivering and twitching and moaning and utterly wanton. And of course, he couldn’t stop himself from imagining those lips wrapped around his cock, the tight heat of Levi’s throat, because of course he could deepthroat and he would, with Erwin’s hands tangled in his soft dark hair. Erwin imagined that tiny lithe body tied down spread eagle, ass propped up with a pillow and waiting to take him. He imagined sliding in little by little while Levi cursed and gasped and moaned, and then, once his body was used to the length and girth of him, pounding into him relentlessly. He imagined making Levi beg for his come, imagined his voice pitching low at first, and then higher with the notes of desperate need. 

His fist was moving fast now, pumping up and down his cock, the top getting slick with precum that he swiped away with his thumb. Erwin opened his eyes long enough to lean against the tree next to him, and then he was back with Levi, picking him up with almost no effort at all and slamming him down onto himself, pushing him into a wall to gain some traction, and bouncing him up and down until neither of them could take it anymore. He considered the possibilities of sitting in Maur’s chair with Levi perched in his lap, whimpering and pushing himself down as Erwin smirked and growled dirty things in his ears about how they were desecrating the office of a General. 

There was fire building in his belly, the world was white and hot and he saw only Levi: Levi covered in black leather straps, Levi naked and crawling into his lap, Levi wrapped up in red silk and telling Erwin to tear it off with his eyes, Levi stretching and jumping and god, Levi flying through the air in real 3DMG, more graceful than any soldier, yet still waiting naked and impatient when Erwin returned from his duties for the day. Throwing Levi down on a mattress so hard that he would yelp, even though it didn’t hurt, before obediently offering up that perfect ass. 

“Fill me, Erwin,” Levi’s voice filled his mind, soft and sotto and strangely needy, and all it took was imagining that same voice purring in his ear, demanding that he pump him full of cum, and Erwin was flying over the edge, his entire body a spasm of muscle, a gasped breath, a groan that began deep in his belly and forced its way out as he came, longer and harder than he had in any recent memory. He shuddered and shook, his breath coming jagged and rough, and for a moment everything was perfect, quiet, and still. 

The world came back to him a bit at a time, first in the sensation of the coldness of an autumn night, and then in the sounds of the estate, the far-away voices of the servants, the rustling of the night animals. Erwin opened his eyes and looked up at the moon and the stars and finally, reluctantly, he did up his zip and made his way back to the carriage. 

***

Another three hours passed before the door opened - Erwin had tried to engage the driver several times but to no avail, and the boredom was becoming unbearable. When that long-awaited rectangle of light fell on the ground, he stood to go meet Levi at the door, but the driver’s hand on his chest gave him pause. 

“Wait here,” the driver said, and Erwin felt a jolt of resistance in his gut and a question in his mind. Who was this man to give him an order? But the driver was already halfway up the walk, and Erwin remembered that this world had rules to which he was not privy, and he would be better off listening to those who were seasoned in its ways...at least for now. He craned his neck to get a better view of the doorway, but it was difficult to make out what was going on. There seemed to two women in the doorway, carrying something between them. Their silhouettes suggested the uniforms of house servants, the thing between them shapeless. It wasn’t until he saw the driver struggling to get it into a bridal-hold that he realized that limp thing must have been Levi. 

The realization hit him like a punch to the gut, and Erwin felt himself frozen, almost winded with it. The driver walked toward him with a blank look on his face, and though he wanted to go toward him, wanted to yell, wanted to make sure that Levi was still breathing, he stood stiff, frozen in place. He could hear the blood rushing through his head, could feel his heartbeat ratcheting up, and it was everything that he could manage just to steady his own breathing. 

Then the driver was standing before him, staring at him as if waiting for something, and Erwin somehow understood that he was to take Levi in his own arms and climb into the carriage, so he held out his arms, and the driver transferred the limp body to him. When he realized that Levi was still warm, still breathing, he couldn’t help the relief that flooded through him. 

“What...what happened?”

The driver stared at him, unblinking, and after a disconcertingly long time, finally said, “The Minister. Stop staring. We need to get him home.” 

Erwin nodded numbly and stepped up into the carriage, doing his best not to jostle Levi as he went. Once they were inside, he sat down, but didn’t let go of Levi. He did his best to arrange him into a position that seemed comfortable, and held him as gently as he could as the horses began to move. It was clear that they were traveling faster than usual, and though Erwin appreciated the urgency, the jostling of the carriage made him clench his teeth. Was it really better to get him home more quickly? Did they even know what his injuries were? 

For a moment, he found himself wondering if Levi even had injuries. Perhaps he was just drunk or drugged? Erwin leaned close to smell his breath and found no alcohol on it. Frowning, he opened the drape to get some moonlight and gently lifted Levi’s eyelid. He realized that he couldn’t get a decent look in this light just as Levi groaned, lifted his hand, and weakly swatted Erwin away. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, but Levi seemed just barely conscious, and didn’t reply at all. Time felt as though it was stretching on forever, and Erwin felt a mounting sense of frustration. Why weren’t they home already? What was taking so long? The carriage hit a bump and they both bounced hard on the seat. Levi cried out in pain, and Erwin practically growled as he scooped him up and held him in his lap. Perhaps if his own body was between Levi and the seat, the bumps of the road wouldn’t hurt him as much. He could only hope. 

“Put me down, asshole,” Levi murmured, so quiet that Erwin wondered if he’d actually heard him speak at all. 

“Absolutely not,” Erwin replied, and without thinking he began stroking Levi’s hair gently...anything to take his mind off of his obvious pain. 

“It’s easier,” Levi whispered, his forehead finding purchase in the curve of Erwin’s neck, “If you don’t think I’m human.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A word on Levi's anatomy:
> 
> Levi has a cunt. In my AU, men with cunts are rare, but not unheard of. This is my headcanon for him, though I struggled for awhile on whether or not to include that particular headcanon in this fic. In the end, I figured hey this fic is just a lot of headcanon, more or less, most fanfics are...so there you have it! 
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying!


	5. A Sleepless Night and an Opium Pipe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You,” Ms. B replied in a measured tone, “Are a temporary fixture here. You have no idea, Erwin Smith, and it’s better not to think about it. For your own sake. So make yourself useful and boil more water downstairs in the kitchen. That bath needs to be piping hot for him when the doctor is done.”
> 
> He almost pushed her into the wall, almost demanded an explanation, almost yelled and shook her and railed on about how they had allowed this, they had _known_ and they had allowed this, but there was no version of this where he could not be considered complicit in the events, and the weight of that struck him with near-unbearable force. The impulse to lash out faded, and he turned and made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen. Lashing out and carrying on was childish and pitiful, especially when he was just as culpable as the rest of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the latest chapter of A Choice With No Regrets came out, I realized the Levi's friend in that series shares a name (Isabelle) with Ms. B in my fic. I wrote her intro in the fic before ACWNR came out, so let me just say, in case anyone wondered, they aren't meant to be the same character or related in any way. 
> 
> Also, shamelessly plugging my partner's fic, "[To You, A Minute Ago or a Year From Now](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1111775)." It's a gorgeous New Years Eve modern AU Eruri and you should all read it and love it.

When they arrived back at the Crimson House, Erwin carried Levi up the stairs as carefully as he could. From what he could tell, he was floating in and out of consciousness. Erwin wanted to get a better idea of his injuries, make sure that he was alright, but the moment he walked through the door of the apartment, he was intercepted by Ms. B. 

“Take him to the bedroom,” she said decisively, “And then run the hottest bath you can.” 

There was no room for argument in her tone, so Erwin simply nodded and did as he was told. In Levi’s room there sat a very old man and a very young woman, each of them dressed in white with large black satchels on the floor next to them. 

“Please,” the old man said, his tone conveying a well-practiced calm, “Set him on the bed as gently as you can. And before you run the bath, please take this basin and fill it with hot water.” 

Again, Erwin simply obeyed, though removing his arms from around Levi left him feeling vulnerable, anxious in a way that he wouldn’t have expected. Nevertheless, he took the proffered basin and went to the bathroom, running the water until it was steaming, filling the basin first and then letting it continue to fill the tub. As he returned to Levi’s room with the basin, Ms. B appeared with a large stack of white towels. 

“I’ll be just outside if you need anything else,” she said, her voice stiff, strained. Erwin set the basin down on the table next to the old man, and tried not to look as the young woman busied herself removing Levi’s robe and the black leather harness beneath it. A few short hours ago he’d been imagining tying Levi down in that harness and fucking him senseless. But seeing the purple blooms all over his body, the welts where the straps had been, and pained look on Levi’s barely conscious face made all of that seem...cruel. Horrific. 

Bile crept up the back of his throat and Erwin turned and left the room quickly, stepping outside the door only to come face-to-face with Ms. B. 

“What happened?” he asked in a strained whisper. 

“The Minister,” she replied, her tone hushed but resigned. 

“What does that mean?” His voice rose slightly, and he felt almost hysterical, “You….you knew this would happen. All of you? Is that why Frank didn’t drive? Is that why the doctor was already here? Oh...oh my god,” And suddenly Erwin was flooded with the memory of the look Levi had given him when he mentioned the straps, of the shiver that had run through him just as Erwin set him down in front of that damnable estate, of the way he’d tried so hard to convince Erwin to teach him to fight that afternoon, all of it...and Erwin had missed every sign, or more accurately, had dismissed them. He felt ill, but more than anything, he felt angry with everyone, especially himself. 

“You,” Ms. B replied in a measured tone, “Are a temporary fixture here. You have no idea, Erwin Smith, and it’s better not to think about it. For your own sake. So make yourself useful and boil more water downstairs in the kitchen. That bath needs to be piping hot for him when the doctor is done.”

He almost pushed her into the wall, almost demanded an explanation, almost yelled and shook her and railed on about how they had allowed this, they had _known_ and they had allowed this, but there was no version of this where he could not be considered complicit in the events, and the weight of that struck him with near-unbearable force. The impulse to lash out faded, and he turned and made his way down the stairs and to the kitchen. Lashing out and carrying on was childish and pitiful, especially when he was just as culpable as the rest of them.

***

The trip to the kitchens was becoming a familiar one. Erwin had no frame of reference to know if Levi’s medical care was taking longer than it should have, but by the sixth pot of water that he had boiled, hauled up the stairs, and carefully poured into the steaming tub, his anxiety had faded to a dull and ever-present roar in the back of his skull. As he began to make his way down the stairs for the seventh, Ms. B called after him. He turned and went back to the apartment, taking two steps at a time. 

“Is the doctor finished?” He asked, his voice shockingly calm. 

“Yes. For now. We need you to carry him to the tub, please.”

“Yes ma’am,” Erwin replied, walking toward the bedroom.

“Smith?”

He turned, one eyebrow arched. Ms. B looked exhausted and spent, her usual poise all but gone from her. He realized with alarm that she had a smear of blood on her sleeve, and he winced. 

“You won’t be sleeping tonight. If he needs me, fetch me. Don’t leave his side.”

“Yes ma’am,” Erwin said again, and then he pushed through the door. He wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted him, however. Levi was naked on the bed, rolled over on his side. Several towels lay around him, each with more blood on it than Erwin would have guessed to expect. His left eye, he realized, was swollen and ringed with an angry dark reddish-purple color. He was favoring his arm, and the places where the straps had been were memorialized with dusky bruising. Levi looked completely wrung out and empty, staring up at Erwin without expression. Erwin’s gut clenched even as he averted his eyes, letting his gaze fall on the doctor and his assistant as they packed a number of instruments he’d never seen before into their bags. 

The doctor stopped, letting the assistant take over, and walked up to Erwin. “Bathe him carefully,” he said, his voice still retaining that practiced calm. Erwin wanted to scream in his kindly, wrinkled face, but he knew his anger was irrational, misplaced. Clearly, the doctor was here to help. “Don’t let him walk until tomorrow. Make sure he rests and drinks plenty of fluids.” 

“Yes sir,” he said, nodding toward him. “Will you make sure the bed is….clean by the time he is out? 

“I’ll have B attend to it,” the doctor replied, and then he looked over at his assistant, who was holding both of the bags. “We’ll be going now. B knows how to reach me if you need me. Oh, and…” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial of what appeared to be oil. “Add this to his bath water.”  
With that, the doctor and his assistant were gone. Erwin walked over to the bed and very, very carefully scooped Levi up into his arms. The hiss of pain was nearly unbearable. Slowly, carefully Erwin walked to the bathroom, lowered himself to his knees, and let Levi down into the steaming tub. He tensed and groaned, but after a moment, Erwin could see him relaxing, and he felt slightly better. Erwin began to undo the buttons of his own shirt, but stopped as Levi said, “Hey, perv, what do you think you’re doing?”

His voice was weak, gravelly, and Erwin had to concentrate to keep from visibly wincing. 

“Doctor said I need to bathe you, didn’t he?” 

Levi seemed almost like he was going to chuckle, but the pain was too much, and he thought better of it. “Look,” he rasped, “Old man...you can if you want to but don’t get any ideas, okay?” Then sentence ended with a coughing fit, and this time, Erwin couldn’t stop the wincing. He filled a cup with water from a pitcher on the counter and handed it to Levi, who drank deeply. 

“Fuck this,” he said, so quietly Erwin had to strain to hear him. “There’s a little black case in the drawer next to my bed.” He took a drink to avoid another coughing fit and waved Erwin out the door. Without a question, he retrieved it and brought it back. 

“Lay it on the counter, open it. Inside there’s a pipe and a little box. In the box there’s little black things. Put one in the pipe and bring it to me with a candle.” 

Erwin had seen opium before, he knew the mechanics of it, though he’d never tried it himself. He prepared the pipe, slipped out of the rest of his clothing, and brought it to the bath. He sunk down into the steaming water, negotiating his position so as not to jostle Levi, and finally picked up the pipe and held it to Levi’s lips. He wasn’t about to make Levi hold it himself, anyway. He positioned the candle so that the flame was just beneath the pipe, licking up onto it hungrily, and watched as Levi inhaled deeply. 

When he finished, Levi waved the pipe away and relaxed against the side of the tub. Erwin surveyed the soaps sitting at the edge and picked up a fresh cloth. “You’ll have to tell me which of these to use,” he said, dubious. Levi cracked one eye open and looked at him sleepily, before replying, “S’in order. Firs’ one on my hair, seccon’ on m’ body...third on’m’ass, but skip tha’ tonight. Four through six on m’ body, seven on hair.”

“Nice and simple, then,” Erwin replied, a small smile fighting it’s way to his lips.

“Shutthefuckup, old man,” Levi said, smirking, and Erwin chuckled as he wet the cloth and began to lather it with soap. 

A few hours ago, the chance to rub his hands over Levi’s naked, wet body would have driven him wild with desire, but the feeling that he had was nothing like that. Abruptly, he remembered the oil that the old man had handed him. He set down the cloth and reached over, sifting through his clothing until he found the vial.

“Your gettin’ i’ wet, ol’man,” Levi slurred, and then smiled dreamily. 

“It’ll dry,” Erwin replied, smiling back as he drizzled the oil into the water. With that accomplished, he took the cloth and began carefully, carefully washing Levi’s body, beginning with his arms. “Firs’ ones hair, dumbass,” Levi said, a shadow of his usually surly disposition passing over his features. 

“My deepest apologies. Close your eyes, please.”

He wet Levi’s hair then, cupping water in his hands and letting it flow from the crown of his head down. Levi’s eyes remained obediently screwed shut, and Erwin used the moment to rub soap into his dark hair, gently massaging his scalp as he did so. Every time his eyes landed on a bruise or a laceration, he felt something inside him twisting up tighter and tighter. It was so strange, but he felt like crying then, even though he was well aware that crying was useless; it wouldn’t change anything at all, it wouldn’t help Levi, it wouldn’t heal the damage done, either. So he just kept washing, kept rubbing soap through Levi’s hair, and then when that was finished, gently going over his body with cloth.

As he went about his work, he couldn’t help but replay some of the scenes from the evening. Frank hadn’t gone with them, and the doctor had been at the ready, so of course they had known. And how would they know, if not from experience? This had happened before, and there was no reason to optimistically believe that it wouldn’t happen again. A hundred questions flashed through Erwin’s mind, along with images...Levi limp and lifeless in the carriage, the cloths with all of that blood, and most disturbingly himself, as if seen from above, furiously masturbating to the thought of Levi, no better than a client himself.

“ _It’s easier...if you don’t think I’m human._ ”

And as much as the sentiment burrowed deep into his heart, as much as it ached deep within him, Erwin knew that it had not been uttered as anything other than a simple fact. Levi was not one to seek attention, nor was he one for pity. The statement had been just that: a statement, a matter of fact. As he rinsed his hair for a second time, Erwin knew without a shadow of a doubt that it had been far easier when he’d not considered Levi to be human. Just a few hours previously he had come vigorously to the thought of him but now, cleaning his wounds, faced with the grim reality of cuts and bruises and unimaginable pain, Levi was painfully, undeniably human. And yes, truly, a few hours ago it had been easier. 

Oddly, Erwin wouldn’t trade this perspective for the other. 

He thought of his mother, briefly, her golden hair and sad eyes. He’d only seen her a few times. She was dead now. He thought of his first kill.

Levi’s head drooped and found a place on his neck, and Erwin let him rest that way as he finished his work. It was better if he slept anyway. He considered a glass of wine when this was done, but decided against it; he couldn’t afford to be sleepy tonight, not even in the wine-warm way he typically enjoyed. B had told him to stay up all night, and stay up he would. 

When he finished, he woke Levi up enough to hold himself upright before climbing out and laying down a few clean towels. Carefully, he lifted Levi from the tub and laid his slight form on the towels, letting him drip for a few minutes before he toweled him off and dried his hair. A silk robe hung on the door - he took it, wrapped Levi up in it, and carried him to bed. 

The bloody rags were gone, the bedsheets changed, and Erwin slid Levi into what he realized must have been a featherbed. Levi moaned softly, turning over a few times in an effort to find the least painful position, every sound of discomfort going straight to Erwin’s gut. Though he debated momentarily, as Levi settled in, Erwin climbed in next to him, curled himself around him as gently as he could, and propped his head up on one hand to he could ensure he was breathing. 

“Levi,” he murmured, and then again slightly louder, “Levi?”

“Rnnnggff,” Levi groaned back at him, cocking a brow.

“I’ll teach you to fight.”

“‘bout time, fucker,” Levi grunted. But before he drifted off to sleep, Erwin caught the suggestion of a smile on his lips. 

It felt like a knife in his gut.

***  
As the dawn broke, Erwin assumed that it was safe for him to leave Levi in bed. He was exhausted and inexplicably sore, the way one was when they were severely sleep deprived. He thought about heading to his own bed for some much-needed sleep, but decided to try for a nap later in the day. Although he was exhausted, the adrenaline from forcing himself awake all night was still coursing through his veins. Sleep right now would be fitful at best. 

In his own room, he discarded his wrinkled, abused clothes and changed into a fresh, white button down shirt and his standard white pants. His jacket was in the sitting room, though he hardly remembered leaving it there. As he slipped his arms into it, he checked himself in the full-length mirror by the door. _Ouch_. There could be no question that he had not slept, with shadows beneath his foggy blue eyes, stubble shading his jaw, and hair askew. He pushed his blond locks into something slightly less offensive, and stepped out the door. 

He’d made the trek to the kitchens so many times the previous night that it had become second nature. He let his feet carry him as his mind went over the details of everything again and again and again. Though it had been quite late by the time that he and Levi had made it into bed, he’d still had a few hours to think everything over. Levi had slept soundly for the most part, though he’d occasionally whimpered in a way that made Erwin’s stomach twist and ache. When he whimpered, Erwin stroked his hair gently, and marvelled at how soft it was, how fine. But Levi would settle into a deep sleep yet again, and Erwin’s thoughts would inevitably return to the events of the previous night, to all that he had observed since coming to this place, and to what it could all mean. 

“Erwin.”

He hadn’t even seen B standing there; she was in the shadows, her narrow hands wrapped around a steaming mug. 

“Good morning, B,” he replied, his attempted smile only managing to come to a grimace on his lips. 

“Tea?”

“Please, yes.”

“I trust you haven’t slept.”

“Not a wink.”

“Good man.” She slipped over, setting a kettle on the woodstove in the corner and stoking the fires with a long poker. “And how is the boy?”

“Asleep.”

“Did he have the opium?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good. He might need more. He’ll need another bath when he wakes up. I have medication for the water.”

Erwin nodded. “He won't...work today, will he?”

“He won't work for the rest of the week, and won't go back until the doctor clears him. He...The Minister doesn’t ask for him often, but when he does, we preemptively clear his schedule. If you’d like to be reassigned, I’ll take care of it right away.”  
“No, I’d prefer that you didn’t,” Erwin said, trying to keep the sharpness from his tone. “I don’t mind taking care of him.” 

Ms. B looked at him, something unreadable in her gaze, but Erwin felt very...known. It occurred to him that it was likely that B was a former Crimson herself, and as such she probably knew a great deal more about him than either of them had thus far acknowledged. Knowing the secrets of the rich and the powerful was all in a days work for a Crimson, but Erwin was neither of those things, and no one here had any obligation or reason, for that matter, to hold his secrets close to the chest. Looking at her, her still, dark eyes and her unreadable features, he couldn’t help but feel that were his secrets to be known, being known by Ms. B was best. 

The kettle whistled. B poured the steaming water into an iron teapot and Erwin fetched himself a mug. “It got to you,” she finally said, crossing her lean arms over her chest. “Last night, what you saw got to you.”

“It would get to anyone, wouldn’t it?” Erwin asked, leaning his hip against the counter, crossing his arms as well. 

“No,” she replied simply. “Especially among your set. I never would have left him like that with any of the other bodyguards that have been sent to work for us. But I could see...I could see that you weren’t going to hurt him.”

“No,” Erwin acknowledged. “I would never.” When he said it aloud, he knew it was true.

She slipped the mug from his hand and filled it with tea, slipping in a lump of sugar that he didn’t have the heart to decline. He raised the mug to his nose and inhaled deeply, noting that the tea was different...citrus and spicy, probably something from B’s personal stores. 

“Is it because of your mother?”

Erwin had been blowing lightly over the surface of his tea, but with that he set his mug down and looked B in the eyes again. A moment of silence passed, but she did not look away. Finally, he asked, “Did you know her?”

“Yes,” B replied. “We worked together all those years ago. Did you?”

Erwin felt something in his gut clench. It was a cruel question. B would have known the answer already, anyway, so why bother to ask? “Not as well as you did, I’d imagine,” he said, keeping his face impassive. 

“You think you’re so good at hiding your true self, Erwin,” B said, her expression still neutral, unreadable. “And you are, to an extent, I suppose. She would have hated that, though. She always said that your father would ruin you.”

“I’m not ruined, Ma’am.”

“Not for lack of trying, Captain.” 

He wanted the subject to be switched, now, he was tired of this. Maybe it should be her turn to sweat a bit. 

“So why do you make him go? To The Minister? You clearly know what kind of...horror he’s going to face, so why do you make him go?”

He had expected to hit a nerve, and he knew that he had done so. Not because of any change in expression - her neutral features were, he had to admit, perfectly flawless - but because she paused briefly, disguising her hesitation behind taking a sip of tea. “You can not understand what it is that we do here, Captain,” she offered calmly, but her eyes were boring into him. “Or why. Take care of him, if your heart is soft enough to do so without overstepping the bounds of your position. But leave the ‘whys’ to our own kind. We do as we do for reasons that are our own. The client does not understand and never shall.”

“I’m not a client, Ms. B,” he replied evenly.

“Every man from your world is a client, Erwin,” she replied, and then she turned and was gone. 

“Not good enough,” Erwin muttered bitterly. If she wouldn’t tell him, perhaps Levi would.


	6. In Baths and Opium Hazes and Groans of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t stop himself from imagining what kinds of horrors Levi had faced, so he reached down and gently, smoothly turned and lifted him all at once. He was as careful as he could have been, and Levi was heavily drugged, and even so a low groan escaped him as his brows knit, almost touching. Erwin was a battle-seasoned soldier of the Survey Corps, he had watched men be eaten alive, screaming, and somehow this pained him almost as much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay everyone! This chapter more or less marks the end of the first angst-arc. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Somewhat graphic descriptions of Levi's injuries.
> 
> Enjoy!

The apartment was still quiet when he arrived upstairs with a small tray of cheese, crackers, and fruit in one hand and a pitcher of water in the other. He ducked into the bedroom to ensure that Levi was still sleeping, and when he found that he was, he slipped out to the sitting room to have his breakfast. The chair he sat in was lush, the fabric of it soft, perfect for sinking into when you felt exhausted down to your bones. Erwin was determined not to sleep yet, however, so he sat on the edge of it and stared aimlessly at various things in the room as he ate. The paintings of the sea still struck him most of all. Why would anyone have these? They were expressly forbidden, a reminder of the world outside the walls, the world they weren’t even to dream of seeing. But if they didn’t dream of things like the sea, the mountains, the desert...things that only a few in the capital were even aware of...then what was the point of fighting at all?

Erwin knew many who would say that there was no point, that the Survey Corps should be disbanded, and that there should be plenty here for all of these without that nonsense. But it was a lie. Already there were many behind the walls who lived in poverty...many who were struggling and starving and suffering. They couldn’t grow enough food to support the population as it was, they had no contingency for tragedy, and no one seemed to want to face either of those facts. When Erwin spoke about his desire to lead the survey corps, he always carefully omitted the crux of it...he wanted to know how to _defeat_ the titans. Hiding from them was a nice trick, but it wouldn’t - _couldn’t_ \- last, and he intended to figure out if they could go out fighting, instead of cowering behind the walls until they ran out of resources and ate one another alive. Part of him thought the upper crust would have already started butchering the poor, except then who would do their dishes and clean their clothes? 

It was a horrid thought, but no one knew them better than Erwin. When you were forced to fit in a place where you simply didn’t belong, it was most advantageous to observe and to learn. Erwin had learned the cruelty that one man could do to another when he thought of himself as good, superior, or human...and thought of the other man as chattel. Levi, with his injuries and scars, was a perfect example of this phenomenon. 

It wasn’t something he thought about too often. It was the experience and philosophy that had informed his ambition, of course, but in the military there were no servants or slaves. The soldiers did the work, and in the mid-range level, men earned their ranks. The upper crust was populated by the elite, but Erwin hoped to change that too, at least within the Survey Corps. Even so, the soldiers were treated like soldiers, not animals. It was easy to forget how differently things played out outside of the ranks. 

Being able to leave the walls, being able to overcome the titans, that was the dream of those who didn’t find prosperity, opulence, and health in this caged-in existence. Those who worshipped the walls as gods would say that humanity should be grateful and make this work at whatever cost the Walls demanded. Erwin thought that was a load of horseshit, frankly, a ploy used to keep people silent. In Erwin’s mind, the walls should be used to fortify the troops, to do research, to run to when they were necessary, but the real resources should be diverted to breaking out of this prison...to defeating the titans, and taking back the world that was theirs.

That’s why paintings of the sea were so dangerous...they made one consider how much it could mean to see the ocean, which had been reduced to an abstract concept from another civilization. 

Erwin wondered what went through Levi’s mind when he looked at these paintings, wondered why a priest had gifted them to him. Wondered if they made him feel trapped, or gave him hope that someday he wouldn’t feel that way any more. 

Levi stirred in the bedroom, and Erwin immediately rose and went to see if he was awake. He stepped quietly and peered through the doorway, his eyes fixing on Levi’s form. The blankets were pulled down to his waist and he was stretched out on his belly, his back exposed, his arms loosely arranged over his head. Erwin winced as he looked - the welts on Levi’s back had scabbed over, making a dark brown criss-crossing pattern that looked dry and cracked. Erwin mentally noted that he should ask B for some salve. 

He walked over to the bed, his eyes falling on the dark purple and yellow ring of bruising around Levi’s neck, the puffy swelling of his black eye, the distinctly hand-shaped bruises up and down his pale arms. Whatever had happened to him last night, it had happened before. Perhaps worse. Levi had feared it, but he had still gone. B had known it would happen, so had Frank, so had the new driver, whoever he was. The doctor had been made ready. Erwin was the only one who had been left in the dark, but from what he understood, the bodyguards generally were and didn’t care to be otherwise. But there had to be a “why”, didn’t there? And that question only led to others. Why was Levi guarded at all times? Why was he kept in this gilded cage? He’d been mulling over these questions all night, and even now he felt half-frozen from them. 

Levi stirred again, groaned, and turned his head to look at Erwin. He stared at him blearily for a moment, as though trying to ascertain why he was there at all. He blinked once, and then again, and finally scowled and buried his head in the pillow with a growly, “Stop staring already, pervert.”

“Good morning to you too,” Erwin replied, and went to fetch the tray of cheese and fruit.

***

Moving from the bed had turned out to be a bigger challenge than Erwin had anticipated. He should have expected it...after all, injuries had a tendency to be more sore the day after they were inflicted, but somehow he hadn’t expected it to be this bad. Levi could not put weight on any part of his body without gasping in pain, and Erwin couldn’t bear it. After much grumbling and no small amount of curses spat out by them both, it was more or less mutually decided that Levi would stay in bed with the opium pipe while Erwin ran the hottest bath he could manage. This required a trip back to the kitchens, only now the cooks were bustling about to make breakfast for the Crimson House and Erwin was an unfortunate and frustrating obstacle. He did his best to smile and cajole and compliment every dish that was being prepared, though, and by the time he left they were sending extra fruits and sweet pastries up for Levi to enjoy and telling Erwin he should come back daily. 

Erwin poured the boiling hot water into the already steaming tub and surveyed a row of vials and small, jewel-toned pots that had appeared on the bathroom counter. Each was labelled with perfectly neat, narrow handwriting that he assumed to be B’s, and a small sheet of instructions sat next to the lot of them. Dressing Levi’s wounds seemed that it would be the work of the morning, but that was alright with him. As horrifying as they were, Erwin felt a strong, undeniable need to see the bruises, the cuts, the physical evidence of the nightmare his charge had faced. 

He arranged the tray with the pastries and fruit on the counter and went back to get Levi. He found him lounging on the bed, still on his stomach, his eyes heavy-lidded. The opium had served it’s purpose, then, and Erwin hoped that this would be easier on the second attempt. He took back to covers, drawing a small note of protest from Levi, who was still quite naked and rather unenthused about leaving the blankets. For a moment, he let his eyes settle on the vicious bruises on his hips, ass, and thighs, and shuddered lightly. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining what kinds of horrors Levi had faced, so he reached down and gently, smoothly turned and lifted him all at once. He was as careful as he could have been, and Levi was heavily drugged, and even so a low groan escaped him as his brows knit, almost touching. Erwin was a battle-seasoned soldier of the Survey Corps, he had watched men be eaten alive, screaming, and somehow this pained him almost as much. He set his jaw and carried Levi to the bathroom, still marvelling at how he felt practically weightless in his arms. 

Setting him into the water brought another groan, but he seemed to relax into the heat of the water this time. Erwin poured a vial into the water and began removing his clothes again as Levi gave him hazy, one-eyed stares. 

“Ya’know,” he drawled lazily, “B ne’er lef me alone with’a other guards. Nah like this.”

“I know,” Erwin replied, folding his clothing into a neat pile. 

“She mus’ think yer...special, _Erwin_.” 

Though his name was said with a certain mocking tone, the lack of a “fuckface” or similar made his heart sink a bit. “And how many times has this happened, Levi?” 

Erwin slid into the tub, but his eyes were fixed on Levi’s, which despite the haze of opium, were peering at him shrewdly. The moment passed and he leaned back against the wall of the tub, Letting his head rest on the lip of it, keeping one eye vaguely cracked open to stare at Erwin’s naked chest. “I like ya when yer all…” Levi waved his hand vaguely, “Protective an’ shit. Bu’...staythefuckouttait, _Erwin_.” 

“I thought I was supposed to be protecting you, Levi,” he said softly, reaching over for a washcloth. He dipped it in the water, wrung it out, folded it in thirds, and placed it on Levi’s forehead. For that, he got an appreciative moan, and he smiled. It was followed briefly thereafter by a gentle, “You...are ‘n idiot, Cap’n.” 

“Why?” Erwin plucked one of the vials from the side of the tub and began to gently rub the contents over the bruises on Levi’s neck. “Is that not my official function in this place?”

“An’ they tol’ me you were good w’ stragetty...stra-teh-gee, yer jus’,” he chuckled softly, “Too sheltered. Pretty-boy.” 

A moment passed, and Erwin corked the bottle and resolved to dress the remaining wounds after the bath. Finally, eyes closed, Levi spoke again. “Look, dumbass...wha’ever i’ is yer suppose’ta do, it ends...when I go through th’door a’th’house or wha’ever so. Don’...feel bad...er anythin’.”

“But...what is that, exactly? That I am...supposed to do?” Erwin asked softly, relaxing against the side of the tub as well, trying to avoid brushing Levi’s naked limbs with his own. 

Levi didn’t respond.

***

[Interlude]

_He catalogs every wound in his mind as he tends to them. He begins at the top of Levi’s body as those lips wrap around the opium pipe, and he works his way down slowly, applying creams, salves, balms, lotions...anything to take away the ache, the sting, to speed along his healing._

_His scalp is tender where his hair was pulled and yanked repeatedly, a small patch about as big as the pad of Erwin’s index finger is missing completely. It will be easy to cover with the rest of his hair, and Erwin rubs some soothing oil into it before hiding it completely under straight, black locks. His eye is puffy, swollen, surrounded by deep purple and maroon, tinged with yellow. The swelling reaches over to the edges of his fine nose, but his nose seems unharmed. Erwin tells Levi to close his eyes before he applies the balm, Levi wincing painfully despite his best efforts to be light-handed, gentle. There’s a split in his lip...Erwin hadn’t noticed it before, because it was on the inside of his mouth. There’s nothing to be done but let it heal and feel his gut clench when Levi, wincing, nibbles on his breakfast. Bruises surround and cover his neck, one continuous line where he must have been collared, the rest splotchy and in the shape of fingers. More balm, Levi’s jaw clenches, Erwin stops to lift the opium pipe to his lips again._

_He works the balm into the hand-shaped bruises that go up and down Levi’s arms, pausing to give special attention to the undersides, which were apparently caught by a few of the whipping strokes meant for his back. Levi is drowsy now, heavily drugged, barely conscious. Erwin prefers it this way; the worst is yet to come. His chest carried the bruises of the leather straps that had been there...Erwin has seen such bruises after soldiers had used 3DMG, but he can only imagine what had been done to create similar imprints without hurtling through the air at breathtaking speeds. His jaw clenches as he rubs in the balm and works his way down to the little crescent scabs that line Levi’s ribs and hipbones. He switches to another little pot of ointment - it is medicated, as even the fingernails of the elite carry infection. Erwin ponders the synonym for infection, “corruption”, and privately wonders if corruption of the soul can be transmitted, like an illness. It is an unnecessarily flowery thought, but it occupies his mind as he attends to each laceration with individual diligence._

_The welts across his back will take longer. He knows this as he looks them over, as Levi dozes fitfully. Erwin seats himself next to his prone form, crosses his legs, and sets to work, fingers gentle as he smooths ointment over those criss-crossing scabs. He is accustomed to the wounds of battle, or at least of the particular kinds of battle they do. This is something else entirely...the wounds one man finds himself capable of inflicting upon another when he’s chosen to forego his humanity. He’s seen these marks in horseflesh, but never in the flesh of a man. He is as careful, as gentle as possible, but still Levi stirs, moans. He finds his thoughts wandering, but fixes them firmly again to Levi’s wounds. He will memorize every one. He does not consider to what end._

_When his back is finished, Erwin moves on to Levi’s hips and ass. It is not erotic, it is not meant to be so. There are wounds inside of Levi, that’s where the blood came from that soaked the doctor’s towels. B has provided ointment for that as well, but Levi has forbidden Erwin from tending to that particular area. Erwin understands, and rubs ointment only on the skin that is visible without poking or prying. Levi will tend to those other wounds himself. He swore to Erwin that the baths helped, and Erwin swore to himself that he would draw them five times a day if necessary. There are bruises in the shapes of hands here, crescent-shaped lacerations, and long, thin welts. They differ from the marks of the whip, angry and red, surrounded by bruising but not scabbed over. Erwin wants to know what caused them, and doesn’t want to know to nearly the same degree. He will not ask unless Levi gives him permission, either way._

_Those long, straight, red marks continue down the back of Levi’s thighs, where more bruising blooms. The bruises wrap around, and Erwin wonders how long the balm will last. There’s so much skin to cover, nearly every part of Levi is affected. It is then that, for the first time, he sees the blisters on his inner thighs. He has been burned, and Erwin missed it before now, though he isn’t sure how. The burns look like droplets, and Erwin guesses “oil” and wonders why, while he masturbated furiously and stupidly in the garden, why didn’t he hear Levi’s screams? He is careful not to break the skin of the blisters. He is careful not to make Levi stir again as he smooths a cooling cream over each burn._

_Something dark and cold coils up within his gut, but every bruise, burn, cut, and welt has been attended to. He replaces the corks and caps on the vials and pots, wipes his hands clean on the soft towel he’d wrapped Levi in after carrying him from the bath, and lays down. Though his mind is spinning, is furious, though his stomach is sick, he can’t keep his eyes from closing, can’t keep sleep away. Levi, with all of his injuries, with his opium-softened gaze and slurring words, will still be there when he wakes._

***

Somehow, in baths and opium hazes and groans of pain, in long naps and care routines and trays of pastries and fruit, in Levi’s slurring and B’s whispers and the charmed laughter of the cooks, a week had passed. Erwin drew in freezing gulps of air as he ran, keeping a steady but quick pace, pushing himself in a way that he hadn’t in days. At first, leaving Levi to his own devices had been unthinkable. But each day, he was growing stronger. His need for the opium pipe was lessening, his words sharpening with his mind. Erwin was relieved to see it, though something about caring for Levi so intensely had been...deeply satisfying. He didn’t want to admit it, even to himself, but that morning when he’d woken up in bed next to Levi, when he’d taken a moment to watch him sleep (under the guise of monitoring him for signs of discomfort, of course), he realized with a sudden, undeniable shock that he had never felt such a deep sense of...fulfillment. 

Taking care of Levi went well beyond a duty and, though he was still quite attracted to him, it wasn’t sexual in nature either. It was simply something that he enjoyed on some deep level...something that came naturally to him in a way that he hadn’t really expected or even felt before. The closest that he had come to this sensation was when he was leading his soldiers in their training routines; it was a calm, in-control feeling, like everything was precisely where it should be. 

He rounded the corner, dodging a cart that was out in the street, and pressed on, his feet hitting hard against the cobblestones as his breath burned in his lungs. It occurred to him now that he hadn’t sent a message to Maur since Levi had seen the Minister, and considering their last conversation, that was likely to be a good thing. She would think that she had talked some sense into him, that he had learned his lesson. In all actuality, he had been too busy to think about it. But it wasn’t only that, was it? Before, he had been itching to get back into his browns, back into his bunk, and back with his men. Now, he didn’t really think about it. Maur would call him back eventually, this slap on the wrist would come to an end, and he and Levi would part ways.

Maybe that was what he didn’t care to think about. 

He arrived back and took the stairs two at a time, heading up to change his clothes before he would perform his daily ritual of swooping down to the kitchens for tea, gossip with the cooks, and a hearty breakfast. He understood now, why those in Blacks liked to remain in their positions. What was there to complain about? Had he not been dedicated to his cause and vision for the Survey Corps, he would have resigned straight away and lived the rest of his life this way. 

As he opened the door, his eyes fell on Levi - a bit of a shock, as he’d not seen the man up this early in days. He was on the floor, his legs tucked under him and folded, his upper body sloping gently down, arms outstretched before him. He turned his face to the side and looked at Erwin impassively. 

“You’re disgusting when you run,” he said with nonchalance. 

“Good morning to you too,” Erwin said with a smile, “Good to see you out of bed.”

“I’ve convalesced long enough,” Levi replied, turning his head back toward the floor. “Time to start getting back to the good old routine.”

“Right. Well I’m off to clean up, then I’ll grab breakfast. Tea?”

“Yes,” Levi said, and then he turned to Erwin again and continued, “Also, Erwin?”

“Yes, Levi?”

“You can sleep in your own bed again, now.”

Erwin nodded and said, “Understood,” and only allowed himself the span of the walk to the bathroom to feel displeased. It wasn’t that he had honestly assumed that Levi would want him to stay in his bed with him at night, but that didn’t mean that a small part of him hadn’t…hoped. It was a vague feeling, and not one that he was holding on to overly tightly. Nevertheless, he felt a small pang of loss, then; a sensation of loss that he was quite positive Levi had not experienced.


	7. Assumptions, Training, and Single-Sided Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi was dealing with his own monsters, and they weren’t the kind you could take a pair of swords to…not without losing your life. It had been ill-advised of him to bring up socio-economic issues at all, and had been downright cruel to assume that Levi had never known poverty. One didn’t become a Crimson if they were born to privilege. Erwin knew better than that. So he had made thoughtless comments. A typical mistake for most, but how very unlike him; Erwin Smith simply wasn’t thoughtless, not when he spoke to others, anyway. Somehow, Levi had slipped through that barrier and somehow, Erwin had begun to feel at ease in his presence. He had let his guard down, even just a bit, but that was gone now. It wasn’t something that he ever should have allowed himself to do in the first place. When he’d been taking care of Levi, he had been heavily drugged and in a great deal of pain. Any bond that Erwin felt had been forged in that week was one-sided at best. He realized that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who requested fight training, enjoy! I hope that I did a good enough job with my descriptions. This will not be the last chapter with such, so if that's really your thing, fear not!
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your kind words and for rec'ing this fic to your followers and friends!!

When he returned with breakfast and tea Levi was curled up in a chair in the sitting room, staring vaguely at one of the boring books from his shelf. “Seems to me that you need new books,” Erwin said, smiling as he set down the tray. The cooks had been delighted to hear that Levi was feeling better and had sent up a beautiful spread complete with hot, spiced tea. Levi, who hadn’t eaten properly all week and whose ribs were becoming more and more sharply defined, set down his book and began gathering up food with zeal. 

“Yeah well, maybe they give you fancy fucks the good books,” he sneered, popping dried berries into his mouth while he gave Erwin a weary look. “But for the have-nots and the less-thans, we just have to take what we can get, which ends up being the boring shit.” 

Erwin gestured toward the tray as he poured them each a mug of tea. “This doesn’t look like a ‘have-not,’” he said, raising a brow. “And don’t the less-thans usually occupy less…opulent quarters?”

“Fuck you, dumbass,” Levi said, and though Erwin expected such a response, there was a certain level of venom there that he had not anticipated. 

“What, just because you spend all of your time in the company of the wealthy doesn’t mean you can’t peek out the carriage window and take in the scenery. People are starving, Levi, living in the streets. There’s not enough for everyone, here. We don’t have the resources to support those who live within the walls.”

He was going to continue, but the look that Levi had fixed on him was almost murderous. Erwin frowned back at him for a moment, but Levi wasn’t moving, so he ripped off a piece of bread and dipped it in jam. Still, Levi didn’t move, didn’t speak, and Erwin chewed his bread thoughtfully, his eyes fixed on Levi’s, and finally sat back and crossed his arms. “Levi, it isn’t like I am….deluded enough to think that what you do is pleasant, I ju-…”

“Have you ever missed a meal?” Levi spat out, his tone riddled with anger. “Of course you haven’t. Look at you. Six fucking feet tall, perfect musculature, you don’t even know how it feels to be hungry. You’ve never once worried about whether or not you would eat. You say that you aren’t rich, but you haven’t got a fucking clue what it means to be poor, you fucking Sina brat, you fucking moron, I-…” Levi cut himself off, but it was clear that there was more he wanted to say. 

“Go on, Levi,” Erwin prompted, brows slightly raised, expression neutral. “Clearly, you’re well-versed in the subject.” 

“You motherfucker,” Levi spat, and he stood. “You think I always had this? You think I always had a room and a kitchen like this? How the fuck do you think I learned to suck cock? How the fuck do you fucking think I got started in this gig? I don’t give half a shit what you fucking think, you colossal fucking twat, but if you honestly fucking think that I don’t understand what it is to be poor, if you really believe that you know better than I do, if you actually fucking believe that any of this shit belongs to me…”

And then he stopped, picked up a mug, and threw it directly at Erwin’s head. Erwin dodged, which was lucky as the mug was made from stone and didn’t even shatter when it hit the wall. Tea flew everywhere, and Erwin cursed broadly. 

“Look,” Levi said, and his voice was deadly calm, even though his eyes were on fire. “You did a good job playing nurse for a week, but I’m back in the god damned land of the living now. Teach me to fucking fight and then crawl back up the ass of your general and leave me alone. And don’t fucking talk to me unless you have to. Clear?”

“Crystal,” Erwin replied, too surprised to comment further. 

“Good.”

***

He spent the rest of the day skirting around, moving the few things he had back into his own room, and when Levi couldn’t see him, moping a bit. He was confused by Levi’s anger, but also curious about what he had said. It was true that it had been insensitive to assume that Levi had always lived in such luxury, but he couldn’t deny that he did now, right? He was, without a doubt, the most highly paid Crimson in the entire House. It could be assumed that some portion of his earnings went to cover his food and boarding and to pay for things like cooks and Ms. B, but even if they took fifty percent of his earnings, which was a stretch, he was still making more in a month than the average citizen made in a year, and more than a poor worker made in five years. What had happened to him was horrible, and Erwin wasn’t trying to deny that...he was discussing something else altogether. The issue of poverty behind the walls, and his life-long, all consuming passion with getting out from behind them with as many people as would come with him. 

Erwin had a vision of a society where resources were shared and corruption was kept in check. There could be no guarantee that his vision would ever come to fruition, but until an effort was made to destroy the titans, there would be no chance...no chance for anything beyond the grasping filth that the elite upper crust created. Even Levi himself was evidence of their filth; Erwin didn’t begrudge anyone who practiced the world’s oldest profession, but what had been done to Levi by The Minister was inexcusable. And though he had gathered from whispered conversations among the other Crimsons that such violence was rare in their circles, the prostitutes in the underground and the outer walls seemed to face such horrors on a regular basis. 

Being caged destroyed the very essence of that which they were trying to protect from the titans - their humanity - and left them no better off than the rampaging monsters that chewed through men with their gaping jaws. Erwin was determined to see the day when men were no longer locked behind the walls, regardless that the church would deem that heresy and the monarchy would deem it treason. Even if he never lived to see that day, he hoped to aid significantly in bringing it to pass. Otherwise, what was the point of any of his effort? 

To be fair, Levi didn’t know that. Levi was dealing with his own monsters, and they weren’t the kind you could take a pair of swords to…not without losing your life. It had been ill-advised of him to bring up socio-economic issues at all, and had been downright cruel to assume that Levi had never known poverty. One didn’t become a Crimson if they were born to privilege. Erwin knew better than that. So he had made thoughtless comments. A typical mistake for most, but how very unlike him; Erwin Smith simply wasn’t thoughtless, not when he spoke to others, anyway. Somehow, Levi had slipped through that barrier and somehow, Erwin had begun to feel at ease in his presence. He had let his guard down, even just a bit, but that was gone now. It wasn’t something that he ever should have allowed himself to do in the first place. When he’d been taking care of Levi, he had been heavily drugged and in a great deal of pain. Any bond that Erwin felt had been forged in that week was one-sided at best. He realized that now.

Perhaps the most absurd part of this was that feeling at ease, letting down his guard, trying to connect to Levi on a human level had instead brought him pain. Was this what was left when the walls came down? Maur had sent him to unlearn his robotic charm, but perhaps he needed every brick of that carefully constructed facade. Perhaps without it, he wasn’t capable of leading at all. 

As the afternoon came on, Levi appeared in loose fitting, dark pants and a black shirt that lacked sleeves. He was wrapping his knuckles in strips of cloth, and Erwin had to take in his appearance for a moment before he understood what it implied. “You’re ready to begin training?” he asked, brow raised. 

“What the fuck does it look like, asshole? Jesus.”

“It’s just that you wont be needing to wrap your knuckles for awhile, I’m assuming. We’re not going to start sparring until I’m sure that you know what you’re doing.”

Levi’s eyes flicked up and settled on Erwins', a smirk cutting across his lips. “Yeah, old man? You scared or something?”  Erwin smiled back at him, disarming. “As amusing as it would be for me to underestimate you,” he began, taking a quick swipe at Levi’s legs. It was rather predictably and easily dodged, and Erwin noted Levi’s displeasure at his clumsiness. “I doubt that it would bode well for me to be so petty.”

Levi shrugged and looked up at him, somehow simultaneously expectant and unimpressed. 

“Alright,” Erwin began. “Have you had any training before?” 

“I learned on the streets,” he replied, his face deadpan, “Just like everything else I know.” 

_On the streets_. Erwin wasn’t surprised, per se, especially after their previous conversation, but it did confirm something for him. If Levi had begun his life on the streets, if he had learned “everything he knew” on the streets, then how had he ended up the highest-paid Crimson in the Crimson House? Erwin imagined that knowing that was the key to answering some of these other myriad questions, such as why Levi needed twenty-four seven guardianship. In fact, the more he knew, the more he questioned, which made the whole thing that much more maddening and interesting. Levi seemed surrounded in a tightly woven web of secrecy and discretion, and no one else seemed interested in trying to untangle it all because of what he was. No one cared about the comings and goings of the Crimson, except to tax their earnings. Which left the Crimsons themselves, as well as their house, ripe for multiple levels of corruption. 

His concentration was blown by a small fist coming toward his solar plexus, a blow that almost struck home. He turned and leaned back a bit, allowing Levi’s fist to glance off his ribs rather harmlessly. Nevertheless, the strength behind the blow surprised him. “Come on, old man!” Levi said, impatient and clearly annoyed. 

“Wait, wait,” Erwin replied, holding out a placating hand toward him. “Alright, Levi, look…clearly, you’re quite strong. You’re not a stranger to fighting, either. So what do you want to me to teach you? Stretch with me while you talk.”

Erwin moved over to the mat and dropped to his knees, tucking his toes under him so that the balls of his feet were on the floor and rocking back and forth between raising himself up and down. Levi joined him, dead serious. 

“I know a few things, mostly just quick and dirty though. Wounded-fucking-animal fighting. I want to…” Levi trailed off, effortlessly following Erwin’s movements as he raised himself up, one leg forward and bent at the knee, the other behind him, his body moving slightly up and down still. He brought his arms straight in front of him, lowered them halfway, and then brought them up again. 

“Yes?”

After a moment, Levi continued, “The first day you were here, you did that goddamn routine. Every movement that you made was decisive, even though you’re clumsy as hell. I want to know what I’m doing when I fight…not just fucking….you know, not just lashing out but really know why I am hitting where. I want to be able to fuck someone up, but I want to know precisely how I’m doing it.”

“I think I can teach you that,” By the end of Levi’s speech, they were both standing straight, bouncing up and down on their toes. Erwin began to do jumping jacks with Levi following right along. “Just…I think it’s better if you don’t tell me why. And if anyone ever asks you where you learned to fight…”

“I’ll tell them the same thing that I told you…the streets.”

Erwin grinned down at him. “Perfect. Let’s begin.”

***

Two hours later they were both slicked down with sweat and slightly bruised. Erwin had insisted they take it easy this time, focusing primarily on getting a feel for where Levi was at. It had taken no time at all for Levi to acclimate to his fighting style, and once he had, Erwin almost couldn’t dodge his blows. He was quick, just as Erwin had imagined that he would be, and quite a capable opponent. He moved with a level of grace that made Erwin feel somewhat embarrassingly oafish, and he had a feeling, when all was said and done, that fighting with Levi would help him improve his own skill in ways that the other soldiers had not. Even if nothing else came of Maur’s hair brained need to send him on this mission, at least teaching Levi would help hone his skills. He had been concerned that spending his days in the lap of luxury would leave him fat and slow. It was pleasing to know that now, at least, he might have a chance to keep himself sharp. 

It hardly hurt that watching Levi fight was such a pleasure, of course. It made it easier to ignore the series of disappointments from earlier

“I think that’s enough for today,” Erwin sighed, groaning a bit as he straightened, stretched, and let his eyes fall on Levi. 

“What’s the matter, old man? If you gotta take shit just let me know. I don’t mind taking a break.”

“A break?” Erwin tried not to be too incredulous. “Levi, we’ve been working for two hours. I didn’t think you wanted me to teach you in a day. That’s a bit…ambitious. Besides, aren’t you still injured?”

“I’m well enough,” he replied with a shrug. “Well enough that B is sending me out on an appointment tomorrow, which means I wont have this kind of time, and who knows how long that scary fucking general of yours is going to keep you here? I’m just trying to take advantage of your fucking pity, old man. Besides, you’re getting fat as hell.”

At the fat comment, Erwin tilted his head slightly and raised a brow, but it was no matter. Levi just enjoyed needling him. What truly worried him was, “Working? Already?”

“I don’t get the luxury of vacations,” Levi scowled, slipping back into a fighting stance, clearly ready to go on the offensive, though his hands were perfectly placed to defend, should the need arise. 

“Healing from…traumatic injury is hardly a vacation,” Erwin stated, relaxing his legs, ready to slip into defense. 

“Time off, whatever the fuck you want to call it.” He lunged at Erwin then, moving low, using their height difference to his advantage. Erwin barely had a moment to appreciate Levi’s ability to adapt the skills he was learning to his size and strength before he was blocking an elbow to the solar plexus and flipping Levi onto his back in a single, flowing move. 

“You’re clumsy as fuck,” Levi spat out, frowning as he bounced up to his feet. 

“I didn’t think that was so bad.”

“If I had as much time as you to dick around with all this, I could take down five of you without breaking a sweat.”

He considered how Levi moved, his strength and grace, the way that he had bounced up off the floor just now, the liquidity of his limbs, and Erwin had to agree. “Levi?” he asked, watching as he circled him, clearly waiting for his guard to drop. “Have you ever considered joining the military?”

As he said it, Levi smirked at him, but before Erwin knew what had happened, he had dropped down, rolled between his legs, and then Erwin’s knee was folding and he was coming down into the mats, his awareness returning to him just as Levi’s wiry body slammed onto his back, his arm around Erwin’s neck, crushing his windpipe. Erwin grunted, dropping and twisting to throw Levi from him, but somehow he managed to keep his hold. 

“Like I would want,” he gasped as Erwin reached around and grabbed his neck, squeezing down so that they were both gasping for breath, “To have some…asshole…like you…telling me what…to do… _fuck_.” He let go of Erwin’s neck, and Erwin let his guard down, dropping his hand from Levi’s throat just in time to feel the bony protrusion of Levi’s knee slam into his kidney. He couldn’t help the grunt of pain that came from him then, nor the glare he gave Levi as he felt him jump from his back, watched him land lightly beside him. 

“I’m going to best you by the end of the day, old man,” he said, cocky. 

“Maybe I’ll stop going easy on you, then,” Erwin replied, wincing slightly as he stood. For a moment, they stared at one another, and then, impossibly, Erwin caught the edges of a smile on Levi’s lips, and with it, something twisted in his gut. 

“I thought you had to take a shit, old man,” Levi drawled wickedly.    
“I guess it can wait,” Erwin shot back, slipping back into a fighting stance. 

“Good.”


	8. Debt and Repayment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi leaned back, resting his weight on his elbows, his black silk robe falling away from one milky pale shoulder, somehow strategically covering and clinging to the body Erwin had seen so many times now. For some reason in this room, surrounded in the golden, flickering candlelight, with that tone in his voice and that robe wrapped around him, he was more alluring than Erwin had ever seen him. He felt his cock twitch, ground his teeth together, tried to will himself to look away. 
> 
> It wasn’t working.

The bath was so hot it was nearly scalding, and Erwin winced as the water hit his aching muscles. He had hoped that bathing together wouldn’t be a convenience he would have to give up now that things were returning to normal, but Levi had been practically scandalized by the notion. Erwin’s sensitivity to such personal exposure had disappeared a few weeks after he had enlisted — in the military, they all shared a common bath. Levi had no issue telling Erwin precisely how he felt about _that_ , however, and told Erwin that he could damn well wait. 

So he had, the only advantage being that the hot water had been replenished by the time Levi was finally finished with his obsessive washing routine. And now, finally, Erwin was getting the chance to recover from their lesson. There was a pillow on the edge of the tub, far enough away from the water so as not to get splashed, but at just the right height for Erwin to lay his head against it while his hair was still dry, while he let the steam and hot water work it’s magic on his aching muscles. And as he sat there, inhaling the perfume of the bath oils and letting his tension uncoil, he did his best to clear his mind. He’d been thinking too much lately anyway.

By the time he climbed out of the bath, the water was lukewarm at best and his fingers were pruned and pale. Nevertheless, he felt a great deal better, somehow more…settled. With a sigh, he dried himself, wrapped a towel around his waist, and made his way to the bedroom. To his rather pleasant surprise, Levi was sitting there, waiting for him. 

“Levi,” he said, smiling, “This is unexpected.”

“Oh, get over it, old man.”

Erwin smirked and worked his way over to the neatly folded, freshly laundered uniform that sat on top of his dresser. “Can I help you?” he asked, opening one of his drawers and removing a fresh pair of underwear and a white cotton undershirt. 

“You already did,” Levi replied, and Erwin picked up a hint of a purr in his tone. He was using his professional voice, Erwin realized with a start. He hadn’t heard those tones in a week, but he doubted he would ever forget what Levi sounded like when he purred out his words that way. If he stood a little straighter then, he didn’t notice. He turned his head slowly, eyes catching Levi’s, taking in his wicked look, the way his small, pink tongue darted out and wet his lips, the way he tilted his head to the side _just so_. 

“What are you doing, Levi?” Erwin asked, his mouth setting into a firm line even as he felt his insides wobble a bit.  
“Hush,” Levi purred, using his eyes to gesture Erwin toward the bed. “One good turn deserves another, don’t you think?”

Erwin shifted toward the bed, his body feeling as though it was moving of it’s own volition. “Is that what this is?”

Levi leaned back, resting his weight on his elbows, his black silk robe falling away from one milky pale shoulder, somehow strategically covering and clinging to the body Erwin had seen so many times now. For some reason in this room, surrounded in the golden, flickering candlelight, with that tone in his voice and that robe wrapped around him, he was more alluring than Erwin had ever seen him. He felt his cock twitch, ground his teeth together, tried to will himself to look away. 

It wasn’t working.

Levi tilted his chin down and looked at Erwin through his long, thick lashes, the edges of his lips pulling back slightly, his silky black hair falling into grey eyes that gleamed nearly golden in the candlelight. One of his long, thin legs pulled up, bringing his robe dangerously close to revealing all of him, and Erwin felt his mouth go dry, his throat constrict. He was inevitably reminded of that first day, the day when Levi had slunk toward the carriage, feline and graceful and oozing sex. In that moment, Erwin imagined again what he would look like hurtling through the trees, all fluidity and grace, his lithe, compact body twisting and turning, cables flashing around him, blades in his hands. 

“You should be a soldier,” he shuttered, taking a step closer to the bed. He was shocked from his reverie a bit by Levi’s sharp laugh. 

“Well, _you_ certainly are a loyal one, aren’t you?” Levi purred, laughter still tinging his words, “To think about recruitment at a time like this…”

“I mean it,” Erwin’s voice had gone husky, even Levi’s laughter hadn’t put him off for too long. He’d been touching the man for over week now in every way, with tenderness and care, with comfort, with affection, even if it were one-sided…and today, today with the firm hand of an instructor and an opponent. He felt the soft smoothness of Levi’s skin, the silky feeling of his hair, the tightly wound cords of his muscles, the deadly potential of his speed and force, and through all of that he had managed to separate him from the idea of sex, had managed not to imagine him with his soft lips wrapped around Erwin’s rock-hard cock, had managed not to think about sliding into the slick wetness of him, had managed not to consider what it would taste like to bury his face between those lean legs and lap at him until he felt him squirm, heard him scream and curse. And even with those images before him now, even as he slipped a hand onto Levi’s calf, felt his muscle tense, even as he watched him lick his lips again, Erwin couldn’t stop seeing him wearing the wings of freedom, soaring through trees and buildings, coming at titans with unbelievably quick, deadly force. 

“You would be incredible,” he said, his voice rumbling somewhere deep within him, resonant with conviction. His hand slid up Levi’s narrow shin, dislodging the robe, moving up to his thigh, resting just above the bony protrusion of his knee. “With your build…your strength and balance, your grace…you’re perfectly suited for it, Levi, yo-…”

But his voice caught in his throat when his eyes fell to Levi’s. He had been distracted, paying attention only to his own mental images overlaid with the strong, pale legs before him. But at some point during his reveries, Levi’s look and mood had shifted. He was no longer coy or lusty, no longer smirking and exuding sex with every move. Erwin’s hand stopped it’s trek up Levi’s thigh, their eyes locking as Erwin registered a flicker of pain, quickly replaced by something dark and furious…the look he was accustomed to getting from Levi. 

“Did I offend you?” He asked, his voice approximating it’s normal timbre. 

“You fucking…oaf,” Levi started, shaking his head before laying back on the bed and burying his face in his palms. Erwin drew back, trying to understand what he’d said to frustrate Levi yet again. Was he really so clumsy? Perhaps Levi brought it out in him. He had been sent here for the express purpose of appearing less inhumanly smooth…maybe being around Levi was doing the trick after all. 

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re referring to,” he sighed, moving back away toward the dresser.

“Wait, dumbass,” Levi said, sitting up. “I came here to repay you, didn’t I? So get back over here and let me suck your cock. You wont remember what a fuck-up you are when I’m done, deal?”

“No deal,” Erwin turned back to him with a frown, “Is that what this was all about?”

“What, you think I was seducing you for fun? Like I didn’t fucking lob a stone mug at your head this morning? You think teaching me to fight like that just fucking changes everything? You think you won my fucking heart with your stupid smile and your creepy fucking eyes? _Please_.” Levi sighed, sitting up now and crossing his legs beneath him on the bed. “I told you if you would teach me I would pay you in sex, remember?”

“And I said no,” Erwin replied firmly, a dark mood descending on him as he went back to dressing. 

“Oh come on, you old fuck,” Levi sighed, resting his chin on his palm. “Stop trying to be high and mighty when this is your only chance to stuff your huge cock down my throat or up my tight little cunt…you want that, don’t you? Ever had a cuntboy before?” 

“Stop, Levi,” Erwin stated firmly, earning himself a low whistle from the man perched on his bed. 

“Or _what_ , Erwin?” he asked, smirking again.

“ _Look_ ,” Erwin barked out, turning back toward Levi with a bit more force than he intended, “Just _stop_ , Levi. I don’t want to be another damn client. I’ve…I’ve seen what they do to you. I have no interest in that.”

“Well aren’t you _noble_ ” Levi replied with a sigh, clicking his tongue impatiently. “Well look, I’m not letting you teach me for free. I don’t want to owe you shit. So if you wont let me pay you back this way, come up with something else.”

“It doesn’t matter to me if I’m repaid,” Erwin shot back, pulling the undershirt over his head and shaking out his blond hair. “Apparently, it matters to you. So _you_ figure something out if you’re so fucking hellbent on repaying me.”

He caught Levi scowling at him as he pulled on underwear and a pair of loose black pants, the candlelight turning his skin to bronze and cream and gold. He pushed himself off the bed, tied his robe tightly around his body, and cast another dark look at Erwin. Erwin stared it him, his impossibly small frame practically vibrating with energy, even after the day they’d had. Suddenly, something struck him.

“Levi?” He asked, receiving a grunt in reply. “I know how you can repay me for today’s lesson.”

“How, you fucking pervert?”

“Just answer me this…why _can’t_ you join the military?”

Levi stared at him for a moment, then smirked and shook his head. “You nosy fucking bastard. I just…can’t. I have to keep doing this.”

“Why?”

They stared at one another for a moment, and Erwin could feel Levi sizing him up, sizing up his intentions. “Nah,” Levi finally said, shaking his head. “I’ll figure out another way to repay you.”

And with that, he was gone.

***

Once, when he was a child, Erwin’s father had become angry with him. He had sat him in the corner of the room, facing a wall, and had played a slightly out of tune violin for the better part of an hour. Erwin had been shaking and crying, he was so frustrated. As a young teen, he’d finally asked how to get into contact with his mother. His father had given him in incredibly elaborate series of clues and suggestions, all of which he had followed to the letter, only to ultimately end up licking his wounds when he found out it was a goose chase the entire time, that she didn’t want to be found. When he’d joined up the military, he’d devised a better, safer way to train with the dangerous 3DMG. When he brought it to his superiors, they forced him to scrub every floor of the barracks and the latrines on his hands and knees three times a week for two months…and they still didn’t implement the training plan he’d come up with. Too insubordinate, in their estimation, for a lowly trainee to tell them how to accomplish their jobs.

Each of those times represented a moment of severe frustration for Erwin. Perhaps the most frustrating moments of his life to date, and yet he’d never been as frustrated as he was now. Not only was his sexual frustration reaching uncomfortable highs, but Levi’s refusal to answer his question the previous night had brought all of the other questions forward again, leaving Erwin with nothing but a strange feeling in his gut and a mind that wouldn’t stop racing. He hardly slept, tossing and turning through the entire night, unable to get comfortable, unable to find peace. Even in his dreams Maur was there telling him that he was failing, Levi calling him clumsy, his father staring at him wordlessly as he so seemed to enjoy doing. It was a miserable, seemingly endless night, and he was up at the first light of dawn.

He ran that morning in the icy cold, hardly fazed by the temperature or the way the air burned in his lungs. When he arrived back at the Crimson House the frustration was reaching a boiling point in his veins and converting itself into anger…an anger he had no idea how to work around. He paused in the hall downstairs to catch his breath, leaning down and resting his hands on his knees, every muscle screaming with sleep deprivation and exertion. But as his breathing slowed, he began to hear the familiar voices of the cooks. On a whim, he breathed as quietly as possible and just listened.

“I swear it, Marie, she said his cock was like a shriveled up carrot, pointy at the end and everything.”

“That’s disgusting, can you imagine?”

“It’s better than Sophie’s governor…”

“Yeah, I’d rather have old shrively-carrot than a black eye.”

“Motherfuckers.”

“It’s pure cowardice, isn’t it?”

“He sent her home with an extra pile of gold though.”

“Yeah, and a diamond necklace.”

“Would you do it though, Noemi?”   
“Not for all the gold in the world.”

“You can’t mean it. Every cock and cunt has a price.”

“I once thought the same but…”

The door at the end of the hall opened and Noemi burst through, apron dusted in flour and holding an empty basket. Her sharp brown eyes fell on Erwin, and her generous lips broke into a smile. “Well, if it isn’t our Golden Boy! Hello _Captain_ , how was the run?”

Erwin had straightened, though not too quickly, and pulled his face into a perfectly lop-sided, tired smile. “Noemi, you look lovely this morning.” 

“Give it a rest, Golden Boy. I’m well aware you only love me for my scones.”

Erwin clasped a hand over his heart. “Noemi, if you really believe that…”

“Ahh, can it!” She said, swatting him in the arm with a kitchen towel. “Clean yourself off and come get some breakfast.”

He took the proffered towel and wiped down his face and arms. The cooks liked it when he came to the kitchens after a run, which he suspected had something to do with the way his thin white shirts clung to his skin. He wasn’t about to complain, as he always got generous helpings of breakfast and gossip to boot, but today something specific had caught his ear. He let them bustle around, smiling and thanking each of them in turn as a steaming mug of tea was pressed into his hands and a plate of eggs, thinly shaved salted pork, and nutty brown bread appeared before him. They enjoyed giving him hearty breakfasts, especially after he had informed them that his usual breakfasts at the barracks were boiled oats or, on lucky days, boiled oats with a spoon of jam. Truly he knew that cooks just enjoyed fussing over others. He’d never known a cook who hadn’t. 

“So Noemi,” he said, smiling at her and she kneaded a wad of dough, “What was it you were saying when you found me?”

“Nothing you should be concerned about, I’m sure,” but there was warmth in her scoff. “I didn’t know you were the eavesdropping type, Captain.”

“I was just catching my breath,” He protested with a wink. “But you know I’m half-starved for good conversation these days, and I know you were talking about something interesting…”

“Just the dramas of the Crimson House, as always,” Marie cut in. “More eggs, love?”

“Of course,” Erwin flashed her a smile. “When have I ever turned you down, Marie?” 

“You’ll never be able to go back to that barracks gruel now, we’ve spoilt you for life.”

“Maybe I’ll sneak back up here in the mornings…”

He continued on the banter for a bit, making them all laugh. He liked the cooks because they managed not to be shy or coy, but still held on to their secrets with an iron fist. It had always seemed an admirable trait to him, knowing exactly what information to divulge and what to keep secret. He’d learned quickly that they wouldn’t tell him a thing about Levi, but hearing them talk amongst themselves earlier had taught him something; the cooks were only tight lipped when they weren’t alone. And every house in the wealthy district had a team of cooks, and every team of cooks talked amongst themselves. Years ago, he’d learned from the servants in his father’s house that everyone had their own system of checks and balances, of borrowing and trading. All of it was ignored by the elite that they served, but it was a brilliant system. If one house was short on eggs, word was passed through the houses until a house with an excess could chip in to help, and on and on. Later, that house could need flour, or salt, or any other thing, and another house would pitch in for their need. For those with cruel Masters, running out of supplies that were supposed to last the week or month could mean cruel punishments or even dismissal. Through this system of loan, favor, and repayment, households and Masters were kept happy and functional and non the wiser. 

Erwin had discovered the servant’s ledgers when he was young and characteristically snooping about where he wasn’t supposed to. The servants were used to him; he far preferred their company to that of the children his own age or the simpering elite that his father pretended to tolerate. That day he’d slipped down to the kitchen, forgetting that the cooks had gone out to market. Bored and left without company, he’d shopped about the kitchen, trying to find something of interest. And he had, oh, he had. 

The book was thick and bound in horse-hide, though it was clear that new pages had been sewn in many times. When he opened it, he was faced with a complex system of symbols and numbers, which he spent the rest of the afternoon deciphering. When the cooks had returned, they had been horrified, but Erwin had sworn that their secrets were safe with him, and they were. He’d never told a single soul about the system he’d discovered that day, but he knew that it had been used longer than he’d been alive, and would continue to be used long after he was gone. It was that system, really, that had given him his idea. If it worked so seamlessly for so long, perhaps it could be adapted for a life away from the monarch, outside the walls.

Those ideas, however, would constitute treason. Erwin kept them to himself, set them on the back burner of his mind. First things first - they had to defeat the titans. But today, standing in the kitchen with the cooks, he thought of that ledger again, that system, and all in the light of his current frustration. The Crimson House cooks must have spoken with all of the others, including the cooks of The Minister, who must have traded information and supplies with other houses as well. This network was not only one of supply and demand, of barter and trade…it was also one of information. And despite his position, Erwin had always moved more easily through the servant class than the elite. 

“Wipe that grin off your face, young man. You’ve got no one left to charm in _this_ kitchen.” 

“My deepest apologies,” Erwin replied, pulling his face into a respectable smirk. “I suppose you’ve got something for me to take up to his lordship?”

“Hush, you!”   
But he was given a tray with tea, dried fruit, cheese, and smoked pork nonetheless. “Take that up and tell him we all hope he has an easy night with…that he has an easy night.”

“My pleasure,” Erwin offered one last grin before taking the tray up the stairs slowly, careful not to spill a drop. It was difficult, however, to stop his smile. He had a plan, now, and with a plan he’d always been unstoppable.

***

“Ready?” He asked, swooping into the front room where Levi was doing his usual stretching. 

Erwin had rinsed off and dressed in a pair of loose black pants and a white undershirt. Levi was wearing loose, white cotton pants and a white shirt without sleeves. Erwin caught a glimpse of the red lines on the backs of his arms, and wondered how his client tonight would feel about the scars on his back and inner thighs. The thought of it…the thought of Levi going out at all gave him a chill, a heavy feeling in his gut, and he pushed the images from his mind. Now was hardly the time. 

“More ready than you are, old man,” Levi shot back, pushing himself off the floor in an arch. “Hey, look, I didn’t like your shitty suggestion last night…you know, for payback? So I came up with an idea.”

Erwin began to stretch and flex his limbs, preparing to use what time they had for training. “Yeah? And?”

“Well, you’re clumsy as fuck, we already established that,” Levi started. Erwin offered him a nod

“And you’re going to fix that somehow?”

Levi gave something that might have been a laugh, then, but came out somewhere between incredulity and disdain. “I’m not a fucking miracle worker, asswipe. But I think I can help, at least.” 

“How so?” 

“I’m going to teach you to dance.”

“Thanks, but I already know how.”

Levi gave a derisive snort, crouched down, and sprung up into a backflip. Erwin’s eyes blew wide, his mouth fell open, and he took a step back seconds too late as Levi smirked. “Yeah, they teach you to do that at your fancy elite parties, fuckface? I didn’t think so. I’m not talking about the kind of stick-up-the-ass dancing you do at your god damned dinner parties, I’m talking about real fucking dancing. You’re hopeless, as far as I can see, but who knows…it might do you some good.”

Erwin had recovered himself enough to nod, but his brows were still raised. “How…how did you do that without running or…anything?” 

Levi just smirked and beckoned him over. “That fancy gear of yours is dangerous, right? I think that this will help you not end up a gooey mess at the bottom of the wall.”

“Levi, I didn’t think you cared,” Erwin smirked.

“Shut the fuck up and follow me.”

For all of his surly nature, Levi was a shockingly good teacher. As he got into the swing of teaching Erwin how to position his body, he softened in a way that Erwin had never seen before. His corrections might have been littered with crude language, but they were almost gentle. And though it seemed contrary to his nature, he was a patient and expert instructor. In the span of an hour, he had Erwin doing a series of simple steps almost flawlessly. Levi had shown him how these steps could turn into a whole host of dances, but refused to dance with him until he improved. “If you step on my toes,” he asserted, “I wont have any feet left.” Considering the differences in their sizes, Erwin had to agree. 

“You’re a fast learner,” he finally offered. 

Erwin couldn’t help his smile. “You’re a good teacher,” he replied.

“Yeah, yeah, kiss-ass. Alright, water, then your turn.” 

“Giving up on me already?”

“Only for the day, you greedy bastard. Appointment tonight, remember?”  
Levi sucked down water and Erwin felt his stomach clenching again. “Are you sure you’re….ready?” 

“It doesn’t make much of a difference,” Levi replied, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. “But this client isn’t too bad. B knows how to schedule me.”

Somehow, those words did little to ease the knot of tension Erwin felt growing in his stomach. But, as he was sure Levi would be happy to remind him, it really didn’t matter how he felt. 

“Stop moping…like you have any right, you prick. We have work to do.”


	9. Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This, Erwin, is my roof. I know what happens beneath it. I know _everything_ that happens beneath it. You, on the other hand, know almost nothing about this world that you’ve wandered into. This is your mother’s world, it is my world, Levi’s world. You were raised far away from it quite purposefully, but you can’t just wander in all of these years later and assume…” Her voice was even, measured, perfectly calm and cold. Erwin imagined that she was capable of far more than anyone would expect and wondered briefly if she’d ever killed anyone before for meddling where they didn’t belong.
> 
> “You may ask me questions about your mother, but do not concern yourself with the particulars of Levi’s life. His story is not yours to know, he is not yours to save, and you will do well to forget him once you leave here, which will hopefully not be much longer. Do you understand?”

They rode in silence, Levi dressed in a schoolboy’s shorts, button-up shirt and suspenders. Erwin felt rather unsettled when he considered that he’d worn an outfit just like it when he was a child, and more so when he found it difficult to look away. It didn’t help that Levi kept making wicked faces at him, stretching his thin legs across the carriage, toeing at Erwin’s thigh. Every time he made Erwin grimace or clench his jaw, he would laugh. Erwin couldn’t help but wonder if he was nervous, but if he was, he wasn’t showing it. Instead he was seemed near hell-bent on distracting Erwin as much as possible. 

“Hey,” he finally said, tilting his head to the side. “Wipe that shitty look off your face, okay?” 

Erwin crossed his arms over his chest and flashed Levi his best, most practiced smile. Levi simply scoffed back at him. “That shit might work on your other soldiers, but I’m not buying it. You can’t bullshit a whore.” 

“Can’t you?” Erwin replied, genuinely amused for a moment.

“What the fuck do you think this job is? You go into the house of some person who’s usually too fucking nervous to tell you that they want this or that or they like whatever the hell they are into, you know, and you have to act like you’re not there for the fucking money, and you have to decipher what they want from you, you have to figure out how to give it to them in a way that feels fucking natural, and you have to fucking pretend it’s _hot_ or that you are as fucking into it as they are…for fuck’s sake, this entire _job _is bullshit, dumbass.”__

__He offered Erwin something of an appraising look, frowned, and shook his head. “Nah, you’re alright, I mean the average moron might not know when you were being fake but…to me, you’re shit at this. Don’t even fucking bother.”_ _

__“So…should I ignore that you’re doing everything that you can to distract me right now?”_ _

__Levi huffed and frowned, turning to look out the window. “I’m just so fucking sick of your sighing and frowning like…for fuck’s sake, Erwin, this isn’t your fucking life, do you understand that? You don’t have to do what I do, you weren’t the one who was… _injured_ , okay? You weren’t bleeding out the ass, you don’t have to see any of these pricks, and in a few days or a few fucking weeks, you’re going to go back to your little barracks and your squad and your god damned Survey Corps and that’s fucking that, so don’t act all fucking precious, like you really fucking care, like _you_ were the one who got hurt because you fucking weren’t. And I don’t need your stupid fucking pity, either. Just fucking…stop. Ride with me to the fucking appointment, teach me like you said you would, then go back to your shitty military and forget…this. Okay?” _ _

__He didn’t say “forget _me_ ,” but the implication was clear. Erwin sat staring at him for a moment, his gut clenching with something he couldn’t quite define…pain, anger, frustration, _helplessness_. “If you honestly think I don’t care…”_ _

__“Just fucking STOP,” Levi said, and the force behind the final word shocked Erwin into silence. “It’s _my life_ , not yours, just fucking stop pretending that you have a stake in this.”_ _

__Neither of them spoke for the remainder of the ride, Levi brooding in silence and Erwin wondering why every conversation with Levi seemed to explode this way. Eventually, they arrived, and Erwin moved to get out of the carriage so that he could help Levi down as he always had, but Levi shoved him back down into the seat and jumped out of the carriage on his own. He turned around, flipped his middle finger into the air, and skipped up to the door. Erwin couldn’t quite be sure if he was acting that way for his client or just to be an ass, but he didn’t much care either way. Now that they were here, he had other things to consider; his thoughts of Levi had to be put aside by necessity._ _

__He waited for a bit, shot the breeze with Frank, and made up some excuse about looking around before stealing away. He knew the layout of these types of estates — they were always a variation on a theme — and finding the kitchens was the work of a moment. He could hear the sounds within of the cooks talking, laughing, and going about their work. Erwin took a deep breath and pushed through the door._ _

__The talking ceased at once, every eye landing on Erwin as he pushed his features into seeking, confusion, and sheepishness in turn. “I’m sorry,” he said, wearing an apologetic smile, “I was looking for Emma…Noemi wanted me to pass along a message.”_ _

__“Ain’t no Emma here, son,” one of the cooks said, eyeing him up and down. “But…Noemi, from the Crimson House?”_ _

__“That’s her. We’re friendly, and she didn’t have time to leave today,”_ _

__“Oh Noemi, busy as always,” another cook said as she stirred a pot on the stove. “Say, why don’t you let her know she needs to get that skillet back to me? I haven’t been able to do a decent fried egg since she took it, and that’s Master’s favorite breakfast.”_ _

__“Of course,” Erwin replied with a smile. “I’m Erwin, by the way.”_ _

__“Karrin, Annalinda, and Effie,” the Senior cook replied, pointing to herself and then the others in turn._ _

__“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Erwin flashed a smile, and got three brilliant smiles in return._ _

__***_ _

__An hour later Erwin was wearing an apron and stirring a pot of stew, talking to the cooks as though they’d known one another for years. He’d been able to keep up a conversation on prices of meat at the market, the harvest this year from the districts outside Sina, crime in the capital, and even the marriage prospects of their Master’s daughters. He’d learned that their Master was gentle and lonely, that they all doted on him but that he was aging and his wife had been dead for many years. His daughter was living with family so that she would have the influence of her aunt in absence of her mother._ _

__“I’m pleased the Crimson is here, to be frank,” Effie said. Erwin’s stomach clenched, but he kept stirring and nonchalantly asked, “Oh?”_ _

__“Yeah, Master always seems…well, he always smiles after…you know.”_ _

__“Course ‘e does!” Karrin barked out, laughing and wheezing as she shaped rolls on a sheet to bake. “Don’ you?”_ _

__Effie blushed crimson and looked away from Erwin while Karrin and Annalinda laughed raucously. When their laughing died down Erwin asked, “Have you met him?”_ _

__“Levi?” Annalinda asked, “Yeah, Master dines with him more often than not. Probably will tonight.”_ _

__“He looks at him like…well, like he hung the moon.”_ _

__“I’m sure he earns that, ‘e’s the most expensive Crimson in the House, isn’t that true, Erwin?”_ _

__“It is,” Erwin confirmed, letting them speak._ _

__“He seems sweet, when he’s with Master,” Effie added, and Erwin worked to keep from rolling his eyes. “I just feel bad for him.”_ _

__“How so?” Erwin asked, trying to project nonchalance in his tone. “Didn’t you just say he was the highest-paid Crimson?”_ _

__“You don’t know about The Minister?” Effie asked, eyes blowing wide a half-second later as Annalinda slapped her up the back of her head. Effie groaned and rubbed the back of her head with a frown. “That hurt, Ann,” she pouted._ _

__“Well it’ll teach you to talk about business that ain’t yours, then.” Annalinda said sharply before turning to Erwin. “Sorry, love, some stories aren’t meant to be shared.”_ _

__“Of course,” Erwin said with a smile. With hardly a pause, the cooks slipped right back into their lively conversation and Erwin laughed and grinned and privately contemplated what had been said. _The Minister_. It was an easy inference to make; somehow, this Minister had power over Levi in a way that a regular client did not…but that much had already been clear. Levi was often treated roughly by his clients from what Erwin could see, but his treatment at the hands of The Minister had been well beyond that. And Effie’s careless words had more or less confirmed Erwin’s suspicions; that Levi owed the mysterious “Minister” some sort of massive debt. _ _

__“ _…if you actually fucking believe that any of this shit belongs to me…_ ” Levi’s voice filled his head, and he frowned in thought, stirring the stew mechanically. It was at that point in their argument that Levi had broken, aimed a stone mug at Erwin’s head that would have surely left him concussed had he not dodged it, and demanded he no longer speak to him. _ _

__“What’s wrong, love, we boring you?” Effie asked, bumping Erwin with a hip._ _

__“Of course not,” he said, smile returning, “I was just wondering what you put in this stew, it smells _incredible_.”_ _

__***_ _

__When Levi finally emerged, he seemed tired but no worse for the wear. He again refused Erwin’s help into the carriage and jumped up himself. Erwin assumed that he was enjoying the freedom that his outfit afforded him; he could hardly move like this in his usual get-up, and anyway, Erwin also suspected he was being needled at. Levi was put-out with him, but that seemed to be their default setting these days. They rode home in silence, and though Levi watched critically as Erwin drew his customary bath, not a word passed between them. Erwin left him in the bathroom then, shutting the door after turning around to catch one pale shoulder slipping from his costume._ _

__After leaving him there, he paced the apartment a bit, changed out of his uniform and into loose-fitting cotton pants and shirt, paced more, practiced the steps Levi had taught him earlier, ran through a fighting routine he wanted to teach Levi next day, perused the books on the bookshelf briefly, and finally found himself reorganizing the drawers in his tiny bedroom._ _

__This was unbearable._ _

__Frustrated, he pulled on his soft boots and a jacket, slipping down the stairs and into the biting night air with a huff. The stars were clear and shining, and his breath came out in puffs of steam as he walked and then began to jog. Just as he began to return yet again to thoughts of his conversations with Levi, a figure stepped out from the darkness. A hand reached for him and he stopped, arms flying up defensively._ _

__“Calm down, boy,” B’s familiar voice emanated from the figure, though in the moment, with his blood rushing through his ears and his heart pounding, it took Erwin a moment to place it. When he realized with whom he was speaking he lowered his guard, smiled, and shook his head. “Sorry, Ms. B. I didn’t realize it was you. What are you doing out this late?”_ _

__“It’s no concern of yours,” she said, though he could hear a smile in her voice. “Though I’m glad to have run into you here. Surely you wouldn’t mind walking an old woman home on a moonless night?”_ _

__“Something tells me that you would be fine on your own,” Erwin replied, but his tone was light as well, matching hers.  
 “Perhaps I just like to remember the feeling of holding on to a well-toned arm,” she purred slightly, and Erwin already felt like he was being plied for something specific, but had no idea what. He recognized the purr from his time with Levi, and realized that he was starting to develop an adverse reaction to it, immediately going on the defensive when a few weeks ago he would have been excited. _ _

__“Have you been learning much, Captain?” B asked smoothly as they walked._ _

__“A great deal, though I doubt any of the lessons I was sent here to learn.”_ _

__“General Maur was well-intentioned. You may not wish to hear it, but she was well-acquainted with your mother.”_ _

__Erwin smiled. “So that’s why…”_ _

__“You had your suspicions, I’m sure,” B added, patting his arm lightly. “I’m sure, knowing the nature of her work, you’re hardly surprised. But there’s a little more to it. General Maur was not an average client, so to speak. Your mother often said that, had the General come along a little sooner, she would have passed you off as Maur’s son instead of your father’s. I think it was one of her deepest regrets, that you were taken from her. The Crimson House is no place to raise a child, but your father’s house was hardly better. Maur…would have done right by you and your mother.”_ _

__Erwin was reeling a bit, overwhelmed with too much information and all at once, delivered so cooly from this person, this woman he barely knew who knew him so well. And even more disconcerting, who knew parts of him, of his past, that were unfamiliar even to him._ _

__“But that’s an old story, now, a missed opportunity and little more. Maur is a career woman and your mother is dead. As far as I am aware, after your mother’s untimely death, Maur never took another lover, but she did keep an eye on you, didn’t she?”_ _

__“I thought she was impressed with my talent,” Erwin replied, working to keep his voice steady._ _

__“She was, and is, but she’s wary of the man that your father raised you to be.”_ _

__“I am not the man that my father raised me to be.” As he spoke, he was almost taken aback by his own conviction._ _

__“That much I have seen,” B confirmed her hands tightening on his arm. She stopped walking, and Erwin stopped as well, surprised that they were just a few feet away from the Crimson House already. “You are more like Maur than you could have been aware before tonight.”_ _

__Her meaning blossomed before him, and though he thought _Levi_ he did not say the name aloud. _ _

__“This, Erwin, is my roof. I know what happens beneath it. I know _everything_ that happens beneath it. You, on the other hand, know almost nothing about this world that you’ve wandered into. This is your mother’s world, it is my world, Levi’s world. You were raised far away from it quite purposefully, but you can’t just wander in all of these years later and assume…” Her voice was even, measured, perfectly calm and cold. Erwin imagined that she was capable of far more than anyone would expect and wondered briefly if she’d ever killed anyone before for meddling where they didn’t belong._ _

__“You may ask me questions about your mother, but do not concern yourself with the particulars of Levi’s life. His story is not yours to know, he is not yours to save, and you will do well to forget him once you leave here, which will hopefully not be much longer. Do you understand?”_ _

__Erwin knew in that moment that acknowledging his understanding was absolutely the last thing he should do. “Why is it such a secret?” he asked, ignoring her question entirely. “Why does it make a difference for one soldier to know what every cook and maid and Crimson in the area knows?”_ _

__“You may underestimate the potency of your stupidity when it is combined with your guilt, Erwin, but I do not, nor will I ever. Wait here.”_ _

__Her fingers slipped away from his arm and she disappeared around the corner, melting into the shadows with a heavy sigh. Erwin’s brows furrowed and a frown creased his features. She was doing a terrible job of putting him off, and he wondered if she was aware of that. Was she _trying_ to make him more determined than ever? Had she assigned him to Levi on purpose? B was smart, smarter than most of the soldiers he’d met, smarter than most of the brass, for that matter, and a great deal smarter than most of the elite. She could have been a politician with that sort of maneuvering…perhaps she should have been. Erwin’s head was spinning though, coming back to the question of his mother and Maur, his father, how much any of the other brass had known when they invited him to parties, moved him up the ranks. _ _

__And then B was back, pressing a wooden box slightly larger than a book into his hands. “It’s a puzzle. Slide open the front panel and the top will swing open. Your mother left this for you…I think you’re ready for it now.”_ _

__“Thank you, Ms. B,” he murmured, turning the box over in his hands, feeling the ornately carved designs._ _

__“Do your job, Erwin,” she said calmly. “And keep your head down. Goodnight.”_ _

__***_ _

__By the time he made his way upstairs, Levi appeared to be in bed. Erwin found himself quite relieved. He needed time to himself to digest what he’d learned and to peruse the contents of this box, whatever they happened to be. Though he usually far preferred solving Levi’s mystery to the story of the mother he’d never really known, this was a little bit different. He’d known his mother briefly, vaguely…once before he was old enough to remember so that she could nurse him, and then later when she’d somehow negotiated visitation rights with his father. The visitations had only lasted briefly, something had gone wrong, and after that he’d never seen her again. At one point, he’d wanted desperately to see her again, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with him. He’d become angry with her, and decided that in his mind and heart, she was dead. Shortly after he entered the military, she’d died in actuality. Erwin had sat in the back at her funeral and had left before it ended. He did not remember Maur attending._ _

__His mother, in his mind, was a cause that he had long ago given up on. He assumed that she wanted nothing to do with him and he had decided that he, in turn, wanted nothing to do with her. But the conversation with B tonight…perhaps she had cared more than he had realized. Perhaps she really had wanted what was best for him, and perhaps she had assumed “what was best” would be a life away from her and the men (and women, apparently) that occupied her world._ _

__But she’d left him this, some great secret box in the care of a woman he wasn’t sure anyone should trust, but she’d left it with her all the same. How well had his mother known B? Had B owed her something, or were they just close enough that she felt that she could be trusted? He’d spent so many years _not_ thinking of his mother, even living in the same building she once occupied hardly phased him, but now…_ _

__He sat on his bed, lit an extra candle, and examined the box more carefully. It was made of something that looked like cherrywood inlaid with another, lighter wood…maple, perhaps? He couldn’t be sure. The design on it was simple, geometric, just lines and shapes, but it was strangely compelling in it’s simplicity. Or perhaps it was the promise of what the box held that made it compelling…at this point, he could hardly be sure. With B’s instructions ringing in his mind, he ran his finger over the front for a moment, then applied a bit of pressure. Though it had all appeared to be one piece, the bottom half slid over about an inch, releasing the latch that held the top of the box in place. Erwin took a deep breath, sighed it out, and lifted the lid to peer inside._ _

__The box held exactly two items. He removed them, stared at them, and tried to find another secret, a trapdoor in the box, _something_ , but after several minutes of pushing it this way and that, he resigned himself to the obvious; this was what his mother had wanted him to have. He set the box aside and examined it’s contents carefully, methodically. One color portrait of his mother in miniature, painted and expert, and one small, black, leather-bound book. He stared at the portrait for a long time, noticing that his blond hair and blue eyes had come from her…that, he had always known. His father had accused him many times of using his “mother’s eyes” against him, which Erwin had always found slightly disturbing. He could hardly remember his mother’s eyes, anyway…how could he use them against his father? As he’d grown older, people had accused him of having “creepy” eyes, ice-blue and knife sharp, but they were just his eyes. He was used to them, why couldn’t others be the same?_ _

__The other item was a bit more interesting, but also more disconcerting. It had a cover and pages, which meant it was a book of some sort. Oddly enough, Erwin found himself quite scared of it. He set the book down on the bed and stood, running his fingers through his hair before pacing a bit back and forth. Unfortunately, his room was so small that he could only take two steps in any direction before finding himself face to face with a wall, and that only made him feel more anxious. Dreading what he would find, Erwin finally picked up the book and opened the front cover._ _

__“ _To my gorgeous Erwin,_ ” the book began in perfect, elegant, flowing script, “ _I’m so sorry that I’ve never gotten the chance to know you. This journal will not make up my absence. I only hope that it will help you understand it. Love, Johanna Stroud_ ” _ _

__Erwin sucked down a deep breath of air, set the book aside, and stood all at once. His room felt claustrophobic, like a cell. He opened his door, sucked down air, trying not to think about the way his lungs were constricting or how he felt so weakened. Before he’d really processed his thoughts, he was down the stairs, panting heavily and searching for the wine cellar. Finding it didn’t take long; Wine cellars were often located beneath kitchens, accessible via pantries, and this one was no exception. he found a dusty bottle that didn’t look important and popped out the cork, not even bothering to find a proper cup. He didn’t mind drinking from the bottle, honestly, not when he felt like this. He just needed something, _anything_ to calm his frayed nerves. His mother had written a book to him, filled a journal just for him, and he wasn’t going to get through this sober. _ _

__He climbed the stairs, the journal feeling like a beacon, like a talisman, like a forbidden fruit, but it was his. It was _his_ , and his only link to the woman who’d birthed him. The woman who he’d once worked so hard to know, but whom he had never known at all. Erwin stopped halfway up the stairs, trying to steady his heart, his nerves. He wasn’t sure of the time that had passed, but once his stomach had stopped it’s churning and settled into knots, he finished his ascent. And somehow, when he opened the door, when he finally walked inside, it seemed almost natural that Levi would be standing there with a hundred questions in his gaze._ _


	10. Johanna's Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever Erwin had been expecting from the journal, nothing could have prepared him for what it contained.

“What are you sneaking around for in the middle of the night?” Levi’s arms were crossed, head tilted, tone all accusation and suspicion. He turned the hall lantern up, the light falling across Erwin, who found himself staring dumbly at Levi’s naked torso, at the shadows filling in the dips and curves of his hipbones, the pools of shadow at his collarbones, the faint ridges of his ribs, the barely-visible ripples of muscle in his abdomen. His cotton pants were slung low on his narrow hips, the view tantalizing, teasing despite the scoff on his lips. 

“ _Tch_ ,eyes up here, pervert,” he sighed, sounding bored. “What, are you mute? Drunk? You look like you’ve seen a fucking ghost, it’s creeping me out. _Say something_ , freak, stop looking at me with those shitty eyes.” 

“Sorry,” Erwin said vaguely, tearing his gaze away from Levi’s body and turning back toward his room. “I just…have some things I need to deal with tonight. Personal things. Sorry that I woke you.” 

By the time he had stopped speaking, he was halfway down the hall, but Levi wasn’t having any of it and followed close at his heels. “Are you sick or something? You’re all pale. You shouldn’t drink that piss, it’s not even a decent vintage and you’ll fucking hate yourself in the morning. What the fuck is _wrong_ with you? _God_.” 

Erwin ignored him, opened the door to his room, and stepped inside, fully intent on shutting Levi out. But the smaller man used his size to his advantage, slipping under Erwin’s arm and through the doorway before he could protest. Erwin swore, shutting his door with a sigh before leaning his back against it and closing his eyes. Perhaps if he believed in a higher power, he would have prayed for the strength not to lose his temper with Levi right then and there, but since he had no spiritual inclinations, he simply began counting to ten. 

He could hear Levi settling on his bed, shuffling around. He opened one eye just enough to see his slender fingers carefully, gingerly lifting the tiny portrait, staring at it as though it held some sort of great puzzle. “She’s beautiful,” he said simply, matter-of-factly. Erwin grunted in agreement, lifted the bottle to his mouth and sucked down a long, bitter swig of wine. He grimaced at the taste and wiped the back of his mouth with his hand. Levi didn’t have the decency to avoid a smirk. 

“I told you, that wine is piss. If you’re sucking that down straight from the bottle you must need to get fucked up fast.” 

Erwin gave a noncommittal shrug and sucked down another mouthful of wine. He would stop tasting it eventually, he reasoned, and it would do the job well enough. 

“Who the fuck is she, anyway?” Levi asked, his attention back on the portrait. “Old girlfriend?”

Erwin snorted and shook his head. “Not even close.” More wine, and then again, and Levi hopped off the bed in one smooth movement just as Erwin crashed down onto it. 

“You’re disgusting,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Hold on, let me get you something worth drinking.”

“Don’t bother, Levi, just go back to bed,” Erwin said waving him away and picking up the journal. 

“Why the should I?” Levi asked, cocking a hip and crossing his arms as he stared at Erwin. “This is the most interesting thing you’ve done since you got here…anyway, I bet you’re a shitty drunk and I don’t want you fucking up my apartment, so just…hold on a minute, will you? Fucking oaf.” The last insult was muttered as Levi slipped out the door and Erwin sucked down more wine, and then more, and half the bottle was gone and his guts were already starting to feel warm. He smiled. Good, this was a good decision. Maybe he would re-read the journal sober, at some point. For tonight, though…

By the time Levi returned, Erwin was sitting on the bed, using pillows to prop himself up against the headboard. The wine was three-quarters gone, and Erwin was staring at the little black book in deep concentration. Levi sighed, poured them each a generous cup of wine, and sat down on the bed. 

“Here,” he said, offering the cup of wine to Erwin. He took it with a hum and continued on reading, and Levi sipped his wine experimentally, nodded, and sipped again. “This is real wine. That guy from earlier gave it to me on my last birthday…gave me a whole case of it. He’s old as fuck but he knows his wine, doesn’t he? Shit.” Levi watched as Erwin nodded vaguely, setting the journal on his lap to turn the page before looking at the wine in his hand, smiling, and downing half the glass in a series of undignified gulps. 

“Gross,” Levi said, rolling his eyes. “Come on, Erwin…who’s the girl? What’s in the journal?”

“It’s none of your business,” Erwin said, slurring slightly. “Thanks for the wine but…it’s just really not your business.”

“That’s funny, because literally _nothing in my life_ is your business, and yet you’ve been living in my house for weeks, even bathing with me and rubbing your shitty paws all over my body, watching me every minute of every fucking day a-…”

“That’s different,” Erwin shot back, finally seemingly pulled away from his reverie. “I was doing my job.” 

“I would say you went _well_ beyond the call of duty,” Levi replied, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, the fucking point is that you know a lot of things about me…about my _life_ that aren’t any of your fucking business. So the way I see it, you could even the fucking score a little bit, couldn’t you? Who the fuck am I going to tell, anyway? I’m a whore, my entire life is keeping shitty secrets for perverts and assholes like you. _Who’s the girl_?”

Erwin sighed, set the journal down, and rubbed his hand over his face. What Levi said made sense, though Erwin had no idea why he was so damn _interested_ in it. He spent so much time ignoring Erwin and mocking him, what had possessed him to become so suddenly involved and aware? He hardly had the energy or the mental acuity to tackle that question at the moment, though…for now, he simply wanted to read the damn journal, and Levi was in his way. Perhaps, he reasoned, if he answered Levi, he would leave him alone. It seemed vaguely unlikely, but frankly, Erwin wasn’t entirely sure what choice he had. Levi seemed to be the stubborn type. 

“She’s…” he started, and stopped, sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it mussed and disheveled in their wake. “She’s my mother.”

“How come you’ve got a picture of her here? Where’d it come from?”

“It came from…” Erwin stopped, rubbed his lips together, clenched his teeth. 

Levi stared at him expectantly.

“It came from B. My mother was…my mother was a Crimson.” 

He watched Levi’s eyes and the lines around them, watched the expressions shift across his features in minute movements that he might have missed had they not been sitting so close on the bed with the golden light of the lantern falling over them from above. He wanted to kiss Levi, then, the warmth of the wine in his belly spilling out through his arms and legs, curling down his veins, flowing all the way to his fingertips, to his toes. He felt as though he could have, truly, but Levi settled back against the pillows then, pressed right up beside him, the warm flesh of his arm pressing into Erwin’s own. 

“Alright,” he said with a nod. “Let’s read it.”

Erwin wanted to tell him to go away again, wanted to tell him that he had no right to be here, to sit side by side in his bed and read the intimate details of a message that had been written for his eyes alone, but his mother was dead, and he’d never even had the chance to know her. Until now, he’d not been given the chance to know the way she lived, either, and whether he liked it or not, Levi was the closest link that he had to that part of his past at the moment. Sitting here with him seemed far too intimate in a way, but also _right_. All in all, it was more likely that Levi would understand his mother’s words than anyone else, even Erwin. Perhaps it was only right to share this moment with someone who had experienced the life of a Crimson.

“Alright,” Erwin finally agreed, giving a firm nod. 

“Wait, hold on,” Levi jumped up and grabbed the wine, topping off both of their glasses with a flourish. “Now…” he said, reclaiming his spot next to Erwin. “Let’s see what… _Johanna_ has to say.”

***

Whatever Erwin had been expecting from the journal, nothing could have prepared him for what it contained. His mother had written an account of her life for him, beginning as far back as she could remember, all the way to her childhood in a small town behind Wall Rose. She had been the only daughter of poor farmers, working the land for potatoes and beans. They had more or less scratched out an existence until her mother became pregnant with another child. The new child was a boy, but the family could hardly support them both. Johanna wasn’t a strong child, and her parents chose to raise their son in the hopes that he would be more help around the farm when he grew older. Johanna was sent with traveling merchants to find work in one of the cities at the tender age of nine with nothing more than a few well worn, heavily patched dresses and a ribbon for her hair. 

She’d managed to find work at a local laundry, spending her days scrubbing and rinsing and pressing and folding the finery of the upper class. Handling all of those beautiful dresses and finely-made shirts gave her an idea, for the first time in her life, of what finery could look like. She swore to herself that she would get out of the laundry and wear dresses just like that, but knew that it would be impossible for her to climb the social ranks. The laundry-woman wasn’t going to befriend the elite or marry their sons, she never would. So Johanna devised a plan. When they closed for the night, she would slip back into the laundry and find a clean dress that hadn’t yet been picked up yet, put on a pair of gloves to cover the cracked, brittle skin of her hands, pin her long golden hair up in an elaborate style, and hope her skirts were long enough to cover her filthy shoes. She used berries to stain her lips and a bit of oil to make them shine, coal to line her eyes, and pinched her cheeks to leave them in a blush. With enough practice, she could look just like she belonged with the elite. She practiced willing away her backwoods accent until she could convincingly flirt her way into parties and rub elbows with the wealthy. 

She would slip home a few hours before sunrise, collapse into bed, and rouse herself at dawn to attend to the laundry all over again. She was young, her body blossoming, her hips and breasts filling in…especially because she had become expert at taking extra food from party spreads, eating and drinking as much as she possibly could without her excesses being noticed. The other girls in the laundry were skinny and straight up-and-down, and every last one of them was jealous of Johanna’s curves. 

“ _I was a vain young woman,_ ” Johanna wrote, “ _Far too full of self-admiration and pride. I thought that I was exceedingly clever and bright, I thought that I could keep everyone fooled right up until I died, that I could seduce a wealthy young man, that I could marry up, that all of my problems would be over because I was clever and beautiful._ ”

They stopped reading then, neither of them speaking as Levi refilled the glasses that they had emptied. Nothing good could come of this, that much was clear, and Erwin felt the need to fortify himself against what was unlikely to be a kind story. Levi settled against him, leaning into his arm to get a better view of the journal. Erwin looked down at Levi who offered him a grimace and a nod. It was all the confirmation that he needed, really, and with that, Erwin opened the journal again. 

Johanna did manage to seduce a wealthy child of the elite, but she was the daughter of the city’s duke…not a son. When she first stripped her gloves away, the girl asked about Johanna’s skin, but a clever lie and a tender kiss was all that it took to pull her attention away and smooth away her questions. When she wondered why her shoes were so old, Johanna laughed it off as though she’d worn the maid’s shoes on a lark. They stole moments together in stairwells and powder rooms at parties, took walks in the moonlight, delighted in the winds of spring and in one another’s bodies. But Johanna did not realize that the girl’s brother had become enamored with her as well, and when he discovered the two of them behind the governor’s manor, he immediately brought the matter to his father. 

The Duke was somewhat amused at first, but when he went to discuss the relationship with Johanna’s family, her lie fell apart. The heartbreak didn’t dull her wits, and by the time her lover knew that she was a fraud, Johanna had left town with as much of the governor’s silver as she could carry, determined to make a better life for herself in Sina. But the governor would hardly forgive her theft, and within a few weeks, every MP behind the walls had her picture, description, and name. To avoid detection, she traded a candlestick for a stablehand’s clothing and cut off her flowing blond hair. She bound her breasts tightly and copied the swagger and language of the boys she had known, smoking pipes and practicing into the night until she was able to drop her voice by half an octave without a hitch. 

In this way, she made her way to Sina and sold the silver in the underground city, using the money to set herself up in a little room above the stables of a wealthy, famous general. She chewed on hay, played cards and dice with the boys, did her work and kept her head down. Though she’d not managed to find the luxury she’d once craved, she was learning a trade and setting herself up to live in the kind of homespun comfort one could achieve in Sina as a working-class man. She had enough for herself and a modest life, even if that was all she would ever attain, it was better than the barren fields of the backwater country or the raw, stinging skin she’d had in the laundry. She still thought of the girl she’d once claimed to love, but only on occasion these days…somehow, Johanna had moved on. 

That was until the Duke and his family came to town. His daughter, the one Johanna had loved, was getting married to the son of the governor. They wanted an opulent wedding in the enormous stained-glass cathedral of Sina, and nothing less would do. Johanna vowed to stay away, but the General for whom she worked had the distinction of being an old family friend of the Duke. The girl stayed with him as the last-minute preparations for the wedding were done, much to Johanna’s chagrin, and though she did an incredibly thorough job of avoiding her former lover, she forgot that there was someone else to avoid as well.

The Duke’s son came to the stables on the third night of their stay at the General’s home with a proposition; she could keep her mouth shut while he did as he liked, or she could go straight to jail after he told the General who she was and what she had done a few years ago. She begged him to keep his mouth shut and let him have whatever he wanted from her, but when he started to become violent, she shoved him away. He struck his head on a post and began to bleed, and upon realizing he was bleeding, began to scream. The entire household awoke, and to Johanna’s horror, he happily shrieked her identity to anyone who would listen. 

Erwin stopped again, sucking down the remaining wine before they went on. This time, when Levi pressed his body into Erwin’s arm, he lifted it and draped it over Levi’s shoulders. Though he stiffened for a moment, the stiffness melted away as Erwin opened the journal yet again. The wine was gone. Now they could only read. 

Johanna was sent to prison. She didn’t write much about it, only that it was deeply unpleasant. However, being there allowed her spun-gold hair to grow. After a few years of it, she looked like a woman again, and the warden noticed. Johanna had picked up on his attention, and though she was given almost no means with which to make herself look presentable, she tried to keep her skin and hair as clean as she could, rubbed her teeth with cloth to keep them from getting stained, and carried herself with the grace she’d learned while moonlighting as a socialite. The warden became more and more enthralled with her, and she used every trick she knew to intensify his attentions without allowing him any true release. Finally, he offered her “anything in his power,” and she asked to be set free.

It was a gamble, but he was able to talk to a friend in the MPs who knew a dirty judge. Quietly, somehow, he sold her off to the Crimson House in exchange for five solid nights with her and got the paperwork pushed through the courts. Johanna was free in some ways, of course, but she’d never been groomed for such a life. It was B who taught her the necessary arts, the seduction, the bluffing, the way of physical, psychological, and sensory pleasures. And being the clever girl she was, Johanna learned quickly and well. 

She became a favorite of many and worked a great deal, though much of her money went to keeping those who knew her true identity in the dark. Eventually she was able to afford the sort of finery she’d once dreamed of: fine dresses, intricately beaded shoes, a fabulous array of makeup and a truly stunning amount of jewelry. She became the favorite of the second most powerful man in Sina, the Right Hand of the King, Erwin’s father. Though he was aging, he still held his position with an iron fist, and Johanna was the only one who could make him relax. With him, she took one of the biggest gambles of all; she got him to pay for her to be exclusively his for a summer, and then let herself become pregnant. He couldn’t deny that the child was his own, for he had been the only man she’d been sleeping with. Her gamble was that he would marry her, or at the least, make her his exclusive mistress and buy her out of the Crimson House.

Unfortunately, Roderich Smith was having none of it. He told her that he would keep the child if it were male, otherwise he was quite done with her and whatever spawn she’d conned him into putting in her belly. By the time Erwin was born, Johanna hadn’t wanted to give him up to Roderich at all. She’d prayed every day for a girl, but there was no one to hear her prayers…she gave birth to a boy. For the first two years of his life, she tried to pass Erwin off as a girl. It would have worked, too, but one of the servants told the staff of the Smith manor, and Roderich sent for Erwin. Thus he was snatched from her arms, still dressed in frills and lace, and she never really saw him again. 

Erwin had to close the journal, then, his breath coming in sharp gasps. He’d thought that his mother had been determined not to know him, but apparently it had been his father who’d been determined to keep him away from her. He wondered, when he’d tried to know her, why she’d avoided him so vehemently? Perhaps his father had threatened her…Levi slipped away and returned with more wine, wordlessly extending a glass to Erwin who drank it gratefully, concentrating on getting his heart rate under control before they went on. 

When he was breathing normally again, Levi curled beneath his arm, feline and warm, and Erwin opened the journal to what must have been the end of his mother’s tale. She spoke of Maur and her feelings for the other woman, of her regret for not being able to give him to her to be raised, of her regret for never knowing him. She said that she had given Maur instructions to watch over him, and that he could go to her if he was ever in a serious time of need. She told him that she was sick, that she was dying, and that she didn’t expect to ever really know him, and that not knowing him was one of her deepest regrets. And then she said that above all, he was the best thing that had come from her life, and that she hoped that he would live better than either she or his father, that he would bring some meaning to her life. After that, her name was signed, and that was the end of the journal.

Erwin turned and looked at Levi, who returned his gaze evenly, frowned, and finally said in utter deadpan, “What a selfish _bitch_.”

Erwin laughed, and then he kept laughing, and he laughed well beyond a point that made sense, laughed until it hurt, laughed until his gasps were no longer laughter at all, until his face was buried in a pillow, until his limbs were curled in on himself, until he wished to all the gods he didn’t believe in that he could just fucking cry…and then, finally, a small, fine hand pressed against the back of his head, drifted through his hair, left a ghosting trail down his spine. He pulled himself together, then, and the laughing stopped, but still he lay there, and still Levi stroked his back slowly, up and down, until he faded into a drunken sleep.


	11. We Don't Get Vacations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning, Erwin had felt horrific, but this…this was probably the worst hangover of his life. He suspected it had to do with more than the booze, and as he was flooded with memories of the revelations of his mother’s life, he knew that it did. It was unfair, he thought, that he had been forced to go through the process of letting her go so many times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS I am just blown away by all of the lovely things that people have been doing lately! One of my lovely readers made [a fanmix](http://8tracks.com/kayluuuuh/gilded-by-night) and there's fanart in the tag. I absolutely love seeing this stuff, it makes my day. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Awareness returned to him slowly, the dryness of his mouth, the sour taste that seemed to reach all the way to his parched throat, the throbbing pain in the front of his skull. Erwin groaned, flopped an arm over to feel for Levi, wondered what time it was, exactly. One bloodshot eye cracked open and he looked about, making sure that he was, in fact, alone, but also confirming that he was covered in a blanket that he certainly hadn’t had the presence of mind to pull over himself. He wondered vaguely how long Levi had stayed with him, his mind daring to reach back to the details of the previous night, daring to consider what he’d learned. It was all jumbled together, and with his stomach roiling, he rubbed at his eyes. 

_What a fucking night_. 

Back in his trainee days, Mike and Nile had snuck a whole case of distilled spirits into the barracks to celebrate Erwin’s birthday. They had shared with everyone, and but there was plenty to go around, and the entire barracks got completely sauced. The next morning, Erwin had felt horrific, but this…this was probably the worst hangover of his life. He suspected it had to do with more than the booze, and as he was flooded with memories of the revelations of his mother’s life, he knew that it did. It was unfair, he thought, that he had been forced to go through the process of letting her go so many times. When he was a baby, and his father had him taken away. When he was a teenager, forced to come to terms with the fact that she didn’t love him, didn’t want him around in her life. And now, now as a man, an adult, a Captain in the military, who was finding out that she loved him after all, that she had wanted him, the revelation tempered by the utterly unchangeable fact of her death. 

Johanna was gone. His mother was gone. All that remained of her was a miniature portrait and a journal where her story was told. 

Erwin pushed himself up from the bed with a low groan and his stomach turned — truly, he felt half dead, and wanted nothing more than an enormous glass of water and a hot bath. After a few minutes of blinking and rubbing his eyes, he realized that there was a pitcher of water on his dresser and a small cup. With a smile, he filled the cup and drained it, and then again and again. He’d drank half the pitcher by the time he finally felt somewhat sated, and only then did he realize how desperately he needed to take a piss. How much wine had he had, anyway? He’d polished off the disgusting bottle by himself, and then split a bottle with Levi, and then…there had been more. So about two bottles, then, by himself. He considered how he felt like he was on the edge of death and decided, in the future, a single bottle would do. 

The bathroom was empty, and he wondered if Levi was still asleep. He was moving slowly to avoid upsetting his stomach too much, to avoid the sharp pains in his head, to avoid the vertigo that was pushing at the edges of his sensation. Maybe he was still a little drunk…he couldn’t be sure. Somehow, the tub was filled with steaming water, somehow, he was sinking into it, and as it enveloped his aching body, Erwin gave a sigh of relief, then a chuckle, then a sob.

Perhaps he was still dealing with it in one capacity or another, then. Slowly, he pushed his head beneath the steaming water, felt the heat of it, noted that it was almost _too_ hot and how much he liked that. He stayed under until his lungs began to burn, then pulled his head up with a gasp. He rubbed the water from his eyes, looked up, and found himself staring straight at Levi. A sheepish smile spread across his lips as he muttered an apology. Levi just rolled his eyes and when to the foggy mirror. 

“I hope you don’t think that last night’s shitty drama is going to get you out of fighting lessons today. Or dancing lessons, for that matter.”

“Demanding,” Erwin accused him lazily, laying back against the side of the tub. “Don’t you think that we both deserve a day off after that?”

“No,” Levi replied matter-of-factly. “I told you, I don’t get vacations, so neither do you. Besides…”

Erwin waited for him to finish his thought, but he was fairly certain that he knew where Levi was going with it. Now that he had been given the journal, now that he knew his mother’s secrets and, for that matter, Maur’s…well, it was only a matter of time before he was recalled back to the barracks. Levi may not have known to specifics of the assignment that brought him here, but he was smart enough to infer that it wouldn’t last much longer after last night. 

“Yes?” He asked, finally, and Levi scowled as he turned to leave. 

“I’ll get the cooks to make you something for the hangover…don’t get too comfortable in there. We need to capitalize on our time before my appointment tonight. You still have a lot to learn.”

“Of course _I_ have a lot to learn,” Erwin sighed, but he didn’t have the energy to argue, and anyway, he heard the door closing as Levi left. He wanted to stay in the bath until he got all pruney and the water went lukewarm, but after last night, he felt compelled to teach Levi as much as possible. Maybe he was starting to ascribe to Levi’s debt and repayment philosophy, or maybe he just wanted to spend as much time with him as he could before he was pulled back to his former life. At this point, he couldn’t be sure. All he knew was that when he considered leaving, when he considered going back to the barracks, when he considered going on expeditions and smooth-talking the brass and strategizing and fighting titans, he didn’t like to imagine any of it without Levi. 

“Get it together, Smith,” he groaned to himself. And then, slowly, he began to scrub himself down. 

***

“Put your hand here,” Levi murmured, angling Erwin’s arm to reposition it around himself. “I’m trusting you not to break my feet, I have to work tonight.”

“Maybe I should step on them once or twice, then,” Erwin said with a smile.

“Shut the fuck up, moron,” Levi said, rolling his eyes. “It’s not optional, anyway.”

Erwin wondered if it _had_ been optional, if Levi would have stayed with him. Something was different today, and he was sure that he wasn’t imagining it. Levi was surly and vulgar, as always, but there are an anxiety, something tugging at the edges of his eyes, breathing in the undertone of every sentence. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but…

“ _Hey_ , Captain Daydream, come the fuck on, we have work to do. I knew I should have brought you extra tea, for fucks sake.”

“Sorry,” he replied lamely, and focused again on the moves that Levi was teaching him. 

“It’s called a tango.”

“Why?”

“I don’t fucking know. That’s just what it’s called. We need music.”

“What kind?” 

“It has to have the right beat, you have to count the beats in your head at first, but with the first music, you just feel them instead.”

“How do we get music?”

“The client who taught me…he had a thing, a flat disk, you put a needle on it and it played music from a…like a fucking…horn, or something, he said it was expensive.”

“Ah,” Erwin nodded, “My father has one in his house.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Which does jack shit for us now. Just count, then. Maybe someday I’ll get Em to play her violin or something.”

“Who’s Em?” Erwin asked, following Levi’s lead as they took the steps slowly.

“One of the girls, _obviously_. God, you’re a dumb drunk.”

“I’m not _drunk_ Levi, I’m _hungover_.”

“ _Shhh_ , concentrate on the steps.”

And he did, counting out the rhythm as they moved, as Levi made slight adjustments to his form. Despite his slight nausea and pounding headache, Erwin managed to pay attention, and never once stepped on Levi’s feet. Even if the dances of the elite were staid and boring, he at least had enough coordination to avoid that. 

“Alright,” Levi nodded, “You lead.”

“You’re sure?” Erwin asked, and Levi sighed.

“You’re not...terrible. And anyway you’re picking up on it. So you take over and show me that you can do the steps, then we’ll speed it up.”

After a few minute adjustments, they began, and Erwin tried not to think about how nice to felt to hold Levi this way, tried not to be distracted by the way his hand covered so much of Levi’s narrow back when he spread out his fingers. “Good,” Levi murmured, and Erwin took the steps faster, the two of them moving smoothly. Levi was throwing more flourish into his steps now, was moving with Erwin, following him, but filling his pauses with polish, and they went through the steps again, faster, smoother. It occurred to Erwin that Levi was humming, a song Erwin was sure he had heard before. He let it come alive in his mind, let it fill out with strings and woodwinds and percussion, let his body feel it as they moved together, tried to stop counting and _feel_ instead.

And then, without warning, he took Levi in his arms and dipped him back so far that he had no choice but to rely on Erwin’s arms to support him. Erwin held them both there for a moment, feeling their closeness, feeling Levi breathe, gazing into those steely grey eyes that stared straight back at him. And then it was over, and he was lifting Levi back up and smiling.

“Not bad,” Levi said with a smirk, “Maybe you learned something at those awful parties after all.”

“It’s not impossible,” Erwin replied with a shrug, and Levi rolled his eyes. Try as he might, Erwin couldn’t stop smiling. 

“Alright, again. And wipe that shitty look off your face.”

***  
The dance lesson continued on until they could move together with relative ease. Levi seemed quite proud of Erwin’s progress, and rewarded him with a few more admissions that he was “Not bad.” Erwin was happy to take whatever compliments Levi would give, knowing that they were hard-won and earnest. But eventually it was Erwin’s turn to teach, and after they’d both rehydrated, they met back in the front room. 

“Okay, so today we should lea-....” but Levi stopped him and shook his head. “Can I make a request, actually?” He asked, and Erwin, surprised, nodded his assent. “I need you not to ask me any questions...but if I was going to immobilize someone long enough to escape, but as quietly as possible, what would I do?”

Erwin looked at him then, and though he didn’t ask questions, they were implicit in his gaze. Levi sighed and pushed his hands through his hair. “ _Don’t_ ask, Erwin. Just show me. No one will ever know that I learned from you, I can promise you that, okay?”

“You...they’ll kill you,” Erwin replied in low, hushed tones. “Levi, they will _kill you_.”

“I’m not asking you to teach me to _murder someone_ , you fucking idiot,” Levi hissed, rolling his eyes. “I want you to teach me to _knock someone out_ and it will _never get back to you_ so just fucking do it, Erwin, I fucking…” And Erwin noticed, then, Levi’s chest almost heaving, his jaw clenching, his hands curling into fists, knuckles whitening. “Erwin,” he said, visibly working to control his breathing, “Just _do it_ , if you fucking care at all, okay?” 

“I know...but there’s so many ways this could go wrong, and it isn’t as if they won't know who did it, Levi. If you damage a noble, they’ll have your head...or at least see you hung like a common crook.”

“It’s my head, though,” Levi spat back at him, stepping closer, throwing out his chest. He was almost a foot shorter than Ewin, but even so, his stubbornness was near-palpable. Erwin fixed his eyes on Levi’s, and Levi stared defiantly back at him. They remained just like that for a moment, and then another, and it was Erwin who finally looked away, who nodded, who murmured, “You’re right.” And he watched as Levi’s body relaxed, as his hands unclenched, as he began to breathe again. Erwin was sure that this was a mistake, but it was one that he couldn’t help making. 

When he considered it, all he could see were bloody towels, Levi shaking as he smoked his opium pipe, the welts on his back, his ass, his inner thighs...Erwin could see only what had happened to him, and couldn’t help the thought that no one should be subjected to that. No one should be forced to live with such cruelty, to take it again and again and come back when called like some kind of stray dog. His personal feelings regarding Levi aside, he was a _person_ , and Erwin couldn’t justify saying no...regardless of the consequences. Didn’t Levi at least deserve the dignity of making that choice for himself? 

“Alright. I think...it’s important not to cause any lasting damage. Is he taller than you are?”

Levi nodded and then, strangely, let out a funny little bark of a laugh. “Isn’t everyone?” he asked, and Erwin chuckled, but they were both strained, on edge. 

“You want...him to pass out, give you enough time to escape, but not be permanently injured in any way. You’re going to have to be careful, Levi...I mean it. This has to be done with precision, okay?”

“I do everything with precision,” Levi grumbled, frowning, “You should know that by now, dumbass.”

“I should,” Erwin said, reminding himself to relax, to breathe. “Alright. The first thing that you need to do is stun him. You can do that by hitting him here, hard.” Erwin gestured to the spot where his neck turned into his shoulder, chopping it lightly with the edge of his hand. “Try it on yourself, lightly, you should feel something.”

Levi hit himself a little harder than necessary and winced. “Exactly,” Erwin nodded, “So you want to hit that spot _hard_ , it should be enough to drop him. Once he’s dropped, you need to use your arm to cut off his blood supply without damaging his throat. Okay? So...like this.”

Levi was short enough that Erwin could easily sling an arm over his shoulder, aligning his bicep with one side of his slender neck and lining up the edge of his wrist bone with the other. “Now, use your other hand to press in while you flex your arm…” he demonstrated, but did not squeeze hard enough to put Levi to sleep. Even so, it was easy to tell that the hold itself would be very effective. “You can hold him for up to thirty seconds, but he should be asleep in five. And Levi...this is important...no more than thirty seconds, or you’ll both be dead men. 

“I get it, it’s dangerous,” Levi replied with a bored expression. “Now, let me practice.” And they did, Levi practicing the moves lightly enough not to actually drop Erwin, not to actually put him to sleep. They did it again and again, and then Erwin taught him to throw a knee between his attacker’s legs instead, if he needed to. “The neck is better, though,” he said as they practiced the motions. “He’ll be mad as a hornet if you get his balls.”

Levi laughed at that, now, and Erwin smiled. The tension was still there, but it was a bit more bearable. The deed was done, now, Erwin had shown Levi what he had asked. What he did with that knowledge was up to him. Stopping before he did any real damage was up to him too. 

“Wanna practice again?” he asked, and Levi nodded. 

“I want to practice until it’s second nature.”

***

As the sun set, Erwin sat on Levi’s bed watching him dress. He’d bathed alone, but after drying off he’d told Erwin that he would be needed for tonight’s costume. Erwin really didn’t need to be told twice, and he watched rather unabashedly as Levi pulled on red silk thigh-high stockings, fastening them into place with the satin straps that came from his black satin garter belt. More than anything, Erwin was completely fascinated by how quickly he slipped into his costumes, how beautifully they fit him. His closet was full to bursting, and had Erwin not had designs for saving humanity, he might have wished to stay here forever, helping Levi dress, caring for him day in and day out, teaching him to fight, learning to dance. He wanted more than that, of course, but he would have contented himself with simply _knowing_ Levi, if his life had been his own. 

But it never had been, had it? How could two people forge any sort of bond when they were owned by others, when they owed allegiance to many? 

“Hey, fuckface, stop your fucking window shopping. Fucking pervert. How many fucking times do I have to tell you?”

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said sincerely. “Your body...is incredible. Sometimes I forget myself.” 

“That’s no fuckin’ excuse,” Levi grumbled, turning away. Erwin just smiled.

“Okay, shitstain, c’mere.”

Erwin obeyed, walking over to Levi and accepting the garment he was given. “What is it?”

“A corset. Ever seen one?”

“Only on a body.”

“That’s alright, I’ll help you. Here…” The corset was made of buttery black leather, so soft that Erwin was tempted to hold onto it just so he could keep feeling it. He didn’t know that leather could be made that soft. Levi slid it over his head, twisting it so that it was in position. 

“Alright,” he said, pointing to the laces. “You’re just going to get those as tight as you can without killing me. Got it?”

“I think I can manage…” Erwin laughed softly. “Where did you get this? I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve never seen a corset made for someone who…”

“...didn’t have tits? I know. It was made for me. A client commissioned it. Same way I got everything else in here.”

“It’s really...none of it is yours?”

“I own a few things,” he said with a sigh. “Not much though.”

“Well, if something was a gift, don’t you own it?”

Levi snorted. “Haven’t you fucking realized by now that when you talk about shit you don’t understand, I get pissed the fuck off at you?”

“I would understand infinitely more,” Erwin muttered, pulling the laces tighter as Levi grunted, “If you would just tell me, you know.”

Levi was quiet then, and Erwin let it drop, going about tightening the laces until Levi had a respectable waist. “There,” he murmured, his hand ghosting over the leather and resting in the dip at Levi’s waist. “Did you need anything else?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, swatting his hand away. “Over on the chair.”

Erwin wandered over, finding a pair of boots made of that same buttery black leather, lacing up from toe to well over the knee. He picked them up and turned around to see Levi laying on the bed, one foot up in the air. “Just loosen the laces enough to slip it over my leg. It’s not too tight, so it shouldn’t be difficult.” 

Erwin went about loosening the laces, stealing glances at Levi as he did so. “What...is it that this client has you do?” he asked, tone conversational. 

“God damnit, Erwin,” Levi huffed, covering his face with one slender hand. “You’re so fucking curious all of the sudden. Listen...you can’t ask me those things. It’s my fucking business and theirs. I can’t just fucking tell you this shit. Besides, who knows what the fuck you’d do.”

“What do you mean?” Erwin asked, slightly hurt. 

“Nothing just...put the boots on, will you?”

“No, I’d really like to know what you mean.”

“Look, you’re protective, that’s all.”

“But I’m your bodyguard.”

“Yeah, I fuckin’ know that, okay? And I told you before that your responsibilities end at the fucking door, do you understand?”

“Despite what you may think, Levi,” Erwin replied in a tone colored with annoyance, “I’m not a complete idiot.”

“Oh yeah?” Levi rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, which looked somewhat comical when Erwin was shoving a boot over his extended foot, but he managed to keep himself from smiling. 

“I know not to come in during your appointments.”

“That’s not what Effie told Noemie.”

Erwin scoffed, taking a momentary break from tightening the bootlaces to stare at Levi in incredulity. “News got around that fast?”

“They’re cooks, Erwin. News probably got around before you’d even conceived of your little plan. They’re fucking clairvoyant, you know...you ever need to answer a question about your life, ask a fuckin’ cook.”

“Is that so,” Erwin started tightening laces again, shaking his head slowly. “Well, I suppose I learned my lesson.”

“Does that mean you’re going to stop snooping around about me?”

“I’ll stop if you just tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Why you do this. Why you have to have a guard. Why The Minister...you know. Why everything.”

Levi kicked him away, pushing himself up despite the corset. “You want to know why?” he asked, scowling, “To what fucking end, Erwin? Why the hell do you want to know? I’m not your fucking freakshow, you know...I’m not here to satisfy your stupid fucking personal curiosity, okay?”

“Levi,” Erwin tried to interject, but Levi kept talking.

“Look, your mom was a Crimson, I get it. You’ve got questions and you wanna know what her life was like, but that’s not...why I’m fucking here, okay? I’m not here to sate your stupid fucking curiosities, and anyway I can sure as hell promise you that our situations are different, so just _forget it_ and go on to the life of _greatness_ and _prestige_ that daddy wanted, okay?”

“Levi,” Erwin said, more forceful this time. “I’m not curious about my mother anymore, I know all that I’m going to and all that I care to, really…I’m curious about _you_. I want to know about _you_ and...and I want to protect you.”

Levi sat up again and grabbed Erwin’s shirt in one smooth motion, yanking him down to his eye level and staring at him with fury in his gaze. Erwin stared right back, trying to communicate with his eyes that it was fine, that he didn’t mind, that Levi could tell him anything, that he wouldn’t hurt him, that he wouldn’t judge. They stayed like that for a moment before Erwin raised a hand and slowly, slowly let it run through Levi’s hair, down the side of his slender neck where he felt the ghost of his pulse, and then back up to cup his cheek. 

“I’m not telling you that you have to tell me, I know that you don’t owe me a thing,” he murmured, neither of them looking away from the other. “I’m not saying that I can do anything to change it, either...and I’m certainly not asking for personal entertainment. But a burden is lighter when it’s shared by two.”

Levi stared at him for a moment more, then collapsed back on the bed. “Just...do the fucking boot, Erwin.”


	12. The Last Supper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving this way, Erwin felt alive in a way he only felt while flying through the air, in a way he only felt on 3DMG, and as Levi’s narrow back shifted beneath his hands, he couldn’t help but pull their bodies flush together, couldn’t help but bury his face in the silky dark of Levi’s hair, couldn’t help but spin him around and dip him back, one hand running down the length of his slender leg as Levi pointed his toes, tipped his head back, leaving that long, pale neck perfectly presented before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for this chapter's ending. :3 Comments and kudos are deeply appreciated.
> 
> Enjoy!

They didn’t discuss it further, but Erwin abandoned his plans to sucker information out of the cooks after that night. He stopped asking Levi as well, instead talking to him about dancing, about music, about fighting techniques and the 3DMG. They didn’t talk about clients, didn’t talk about work, focusing instead on military strategies that Erwin had come up with and whether or not titans were a thing that could be overcome. It hardly escaped Erwin that they didn’t seem to argue anymore. Levi was happier when he wasn’t the focus of the conversation, and now that Erwin understood that, he was getting better at avoiding his ire. During the days, Levi taught him to dance, taught him balance exercises and swore that he would have taught him jumps, but Erwin was “too fuckin’ tall” to do them inside the apartment. And Erwin returned his lessons in kind, teaching Levi easy ways to drop someone, take-downs and quick, painful jabs. Every day they practiced the method he had shown him to take someone down and put them to sleep, and after four days, Erwin allowed Levi to actually do it. He was out without even knowing what happened, and apparently slept soundly for an hour, though it felt like a minute, tops. 

The cooks smiled and sent him extra food, even after he explained how difficult it would be to fight titans with a potbelly, and he assumed that they didn’t particularly mind his snooping, even if they had tattled to Levi about it. It was a nice life, all in all, and it lasted a total of five days more before B found him in the kitchens and pressed a warm mug of tea into his palms. “Captain, how are you this afternoon?” she asked with a small, knowing smile. 

“Well, and you?”

“Oh, quite well, I always am. I assume they’ve not informed you…”

“Of what?” Erwin kept his tone light, but the knot forming in his gut was one of dread. He knew what was coming, could tell by the self-satisfied look on her face, the way she smiled. B, the master of neutrality of expression, and she was _showing_ him that she was smug. That alone told him what she was about to say, and still he managed to look quizzical. To play dumb.  
“This is your last night, Captain,” she purred, and though he’d been expecting it, Erwin felt his stomach do a somersault. “You won't get your orders until tomorrow, but I thought you might prefer having some...time. To get yourself sorted.”

“I appreciate that,” he replied, and he found that he truly did. “Is Levi aware?”

“Of course,” she said, perfect smile still in place. “I told him, and he immediately complained of stomach cramps. I was forced to cancel his appointment tonight.”

“Oh,” he replied dumbly, and then, “I hope that he’s alright.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. But you’ll be spending the night in and leaving tomorrow mid-morning. Don’t leave until your replacement arrives.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“And Captain?”

“Yes, B?”

“If you ever have questions about your mother, I’ll be glad to answer them. But let me come to you. I’d prefer not to see you around this place again.”

“Understood.”

She turned to leave and Erwin leaned against the wall, feeling light and gutted all at once. He had known that the proverbial boot was about to drop. He’d known that his days at the Crimson House were numbered since the night that B had given him the journal. Even so, there was a part of him that didn’t believe it...a part of him that felt like things could go on like that forever, even though such an idea was absurd. And now, not only was he faced with a deadline, but that deadline was in less than twenty-four hours. 

And yet...Levi had played sick to get out of working, clearly with the intent of spending the evening with him. Erwin wondered at that, sipping from the tea that B had given him. He was desperately trying not to assign too much meaning to it when Noemi appeared in front of him, her lips pulled into a grin. “Sad about leavin’ us, Captain?” She asked, tone playful.

“How could I not be?” Erwin returned her grin and nodded toward the kitchen. “How will I ever perfect my soft, elite midsection on military rations?” 

She laughed and swatted his arm with a towel, offering him a wink. “Well, we’ve put something together for you, or anyway, we’re workin’ on it. I’ll have Giselle bring it up when it’s done, yeah?”

“Noemi,” Erwin said, putting his hand over his heart. “You’re too good to me, you know.”

“I know,” She replied with laughter in her eyes. “Anyway, you’re a good man, Captain. The guards are always so boring...give that black coat to someone with some spark, eh?”

“I wish I could,” Erwin lied with a smile, secretly (and selfishly) hoping that his successor was particularly grumpy and painfully ugly as well. “You’ll take good care of him, won't you?”

“Best as we can, from here,” Noemi nodded, reaching up to cup his face. “I’d tell you to come back and see us, but near as I can figure, B won't be havin’ none o’ that.”

“No,” Erwin confirmed, “It doesn’t appear that I’ll be returning. But I’ll remember all of you fondly.”

“And us, you,” her voice was soft, but Erwin could tell she wasn’t going to try and argue with B either. He didn’t blame her...who would? “Now, get back up there. I heard he begged off his appointment tonight. Might as well make the best of it.”

Erwin took her hand, kissed her knuckles, and flashed her a brilliant grin. “I shall endeavor to do so. Goodbye, Noemi.”

“For now, Captain.”

***

When he got back upstairs, he found Levi going through the routine he’d taught him a few days earlier, punching and jabbing at the air with a particularly vicious speed. He watched him move, the liquid lines of his muscles flowing beneath his almost inhumanly pale skin, bunching and stretching as he moved through the routine. Watching Levi move was pure poetry, and Erwin felt something stabbing in his gut at the thought of not being able to see him again. Would this really be it? The thought of buying an evening with Levi was tempting, but could it be like this if he knew he’d paid for it? Could they have easy conversations, dancing lessons? Or would it be forced and stiff with expectations and power games? Erwin grimaced.

Levi knew that he was being watched, and moved straight from his routine into something more liquid, something between his own brand of dance and Erwin’s heavy hand-to-hand combat style. He was adapting it for his own use, and Erwin found it incredible to watch, to experience. Instead of stomping about “Like an oaf,” as Levi often said, he was moving through the routines with feline grace, like the difference between blocky print and cursive script. Erwin found himself dreaming of what Levi could do as a soldier (as he always did), wondered if he could develop his own fighting style, if he could dance through the air with the grace he used here, in this room, on these mats. Any soldier worth half a damn would have been able to see it; his innate talent, the way he held himself and what it must have meant about his ability to fight, to fly. But of course, they’d never bothered to look past their own arousal. 

Erwin was reminded of his first week with Levi, of what had changed after the incident with The Minister, and his mind drifted back to his mother and her tale, and he sighed quietly. Maybe he was insane for thinking it, but he couldn’t help but think of a world where they could escape these filthy walls and start anew. Where every citizen was treated as a human being. Where resources were shared. 

“What are you sighing about, shitstain?” Levi had somehow landed before him and was raising a brow. “Wipe that shitty look off your face. We have work to do.”

“Is that why you begged off work tonight?” Erwin shot back with a smirk, reluctantly pulling himself from his reverie. 

“What, you thought I did it to suck your cock?” Levi rolled his eyes, and Erwin shook his head.

“Nah, I figured you wanted to go over our routines a few more times. It’s alright, Levi, that’s how I’d prefer to spend tonight, anyway.”

“Well, fuck you then, Captain. Because I’ve got a whole case of wine and an evening free. We’re gonna train until you crap out, then we’re gonna drink. Got it?”

“That,” Erwin began, “Sounds perfect.” And he marveled at how Levi shocked him, even now. “I really love what you’ve done with the routine. I wish I could employ you to teach that to the Military Police.”

Levi snorted. “Those bastards? Fuck no. I’m not teaching them shit.”

Erwin smiled, slipping into a defensive stance. “Who could blame you? Even so, they’d have a lot to learn from a fighter like you.”

“I’m not a fighter, Erwin,” Levi sighed, walking around him with his particular slinking grace, waiting for an opportune time to strike.    
“Yes you are, Le-…” but his name was cut off as Levi brought his leg up with perfect precision, swinging it around and catching Erwin in the side as he failed to bring his arm down quick enough to block it. Erwin shook his head and grinned. “See?”

“Fuck off and fight me, dumbass,” Levi replied, but the corners of his lips were turned up and there was a spark in his eyes. 

“As you wish,” Erwin said with a shrug, and then brought a swift series of jabs raining down on Levi, who dodged and blocked them all fairly easily. 

“Try harder, you lazy sack of shit, come _on_ ”

***

After training, Levi insisted on bathing, as always. Erwin promised he would rinse off when Levi was done after Levi insisted he would stink up the whole apartment with his disgusting sweat if he didn’t, and then, for the last time, Erwin drew his bath. After steaming water filled the enormous tub, he stood staring at it for a moment, feeling nostalgic already. The five-minute lukewarm-to-cold hand-pumped shower at the barracks just wouldn’t feel the same after this. Shaking himself from his reverie, Erwin took the liberty of adding his favorite bath oil, the one that smelled like forests and a fresh wind, the one that smelled of the world outside the walls. This was how he wanted to remember Levi. Their night…their last night and he’d chosen to spend it exclusively with Erwin. The hours ahead stretched before him like a luxury, but contracted at the same time. Their time was short…far too short. 

He hadn’t realized that he’d spent too much time crouched by the edge of the tub breathing in the steam until he felt something impact the side of his head, heard Levi’s gruff voice. “C’mon, jackass, your turn’s comin’. Get out of here now, I’m disgusting.” 

“Yes, your Highness,” Erwin tossed back, standing and stretching. “Try not to take more than an hour, yeah?”

“Oh fuck off, I’ll be out when I’m out.”

Erwin gave him a nod and held up his hands, backing out of the room with an expression of surrender. Once he was out, he was struck with an idea, and stole down to the kitchens to speak to Noemi. Between the kindness of the girls in the Crimson House and the generosity of the cook’s information, Erwin got himself another tub to bathe in and access to a victrola. The Crimson who loaned it to him, Annalise, gave it along with a music-disc that she swore up and down had the correct rhythm for a tango. By the time Levi emerged from his bath, Erwin was wearing loose, dark pants and a white cotton shirt, hair combed back from his face, perfectly clean and put together. Levi tossed him a look and disappeared into his bedroom, but when he came back out, he was wearing dark pants so tight that they looked as though they’d been painted on and a loose shirt that flowed around his body and accentuated his narrow hips. Erwin swallowed, smiled, and gestured toward the victrola. 

“I got you something.”

“Annalise let you borrow that old thing? I’m surprised you could get it here on your own.”

“I might have had help. Anyway, I thought that you might enjoy dancing to music for once.”

“it’s probably the wrong music anyway, dumbass.”

“Just….give it a shot?” Erwin asked, holding out his hand.

“Fine,” Levi sighed, and reluctantly, his hand fit itself inside of Erwin’s, small and perfect and prepared. Erwin breathed a sigh and set the needle, and the music began, scratchy at first, but settling them both into a comfortable rhythm. Erwin led, counting in his mind at first as Levi followed him, doing each of the steps he’d been taught. Despite the quality of the sound, he could soon feel it moving through him just as Levi had predicted, and as that music made it’s way down his spine, through his veins and back to the core of him, he began to move in a way he would not have been able to before Levi had taught him. Their steps were quick, complimentary, and Levi followed him perfectly, their bodies flowing together, all at once like one entity and then separate again, Levi’s feet kicking back, switching quickly, the flare of the dance moving through his body with the kind of effortless ease of something more felt than realized. 

Moving this way, Erwin felt alive in a way he only felt while flying through the air, in a way he only felt on 3DMG, and as Levi’s narrow back shifted beneath his hands, he couldn’t help but pull their bodies flush together, couldn’t help but bury his face in the silky dark of Levi’s hair, couldn’t help but spin him around and dip him back, one hand running down the length of his slender leg as Levi pointed his toes, tipped his head back, leaving that long, pale neck perfectly presented before him. Erwin realized they were both breathing heavily, realized he was letting himself go more than he had intended and just then, the music came to it’s conclusion. He let Levi up, then, and grinned sheepishly.

“I think it worked…for a tango. Rhythm seemed right.” Erwin started stupidly, breathless.

“I guess Annalise knows her dances,” Levi murmured, and Erwin realized that he could feel Levi’s pulse on his wrist, beating hard. A moment passed without a word, just the noise of the victrola skipping again and again, waiting for it’s needle to be reset. As Erwin finally began to release Levi, he felt him tense, as though he was about to protest. He fixed his eyes on Levi’s, expression quizzical, but Levi snapped his mouth shut and shook his head. Before he could ask what he had been about to say, a knock resounded on the door. 

“Come in,” Levi called out, pulling himself away from Erwin, who let go only somewhat reluctantly. There stood Giselle, a small smile on her lips and a large tray in her arms. “Noemi and the other cooks wanted you to have a nice…last dinner, Captain Smith,” she offered shyly. 

“Please, come in,” Levi repeated, showing her inside and gesturing toward a side-table where she could set her tray. 

“Also, Noemi wanted to make sure you had everything that you needed?” Giselle offered Levi a meaningful look, and Levi nodded quickly. 

“Offer her our thanks,” Erwin added, smiling at Giselle, who blushed and looked away. 

“Of course,” she murmured, and with that she was gone.

Levi moved over to the corner cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses. “Here…I haven’t shown you this yet…but its your last night here, so…”

“Somehow,” Erwin offered with a smile, “I don’t think your guards usually get this kind of treatment on their last night at Crimson House.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up and follow me.”

Levi brought the wine and the glasses and grunted at Erwin to get the food, the two of them carrying everything through Levi’s bedroom and out onto a terrace that Erwin hadn’t realized existed until now. Levi’s room was on the fourth (and top) floor of the Crimson House, and the terrace offered a view of Upper Sina that Erwin hadn’t seen in quite some time. The city stretched out before them in the twilight, windows glowing with warm lamplight as smoke curled up from chimneys over the tiled roofs. Erwin felt something in his heart clench as his eyes were drawn to the far-off shadow of Wall Sina. He only realized that he’d been staring too long when Levi cleared his throat loudly. 

“Hey, you wanna eat or not?” 

“Sorry,” Erwin replied, shaking his head. “It’s just…been awhile since I saw the city like this.”

“Weirdo.” Levi muttered, handing Erwin a candle and gesturing to the recessed wood stove. “Light that up. It should be ready to go…it’ll keep off the chill.”

Erwin did as he was told, starting up a fire as Levi spread the food on a low slung table and poured glasses of wine. They took their seats on generous pillows and dug into the small feast that the cooks had prepared; a whole roasted chicken, small but rubbed down with spices and accompanied by fresh green beans, fluffy white bread, roasted carrots, and on a smaller, separate plate, a generously sized chocolate cake dotted with cherries. Erwin sighed appreciatively as he ate, but Levi seemed less enthusiastic. 

“Aren’t you going to have more?” Erwin asked, gesturing toward Levi’s half-finished portion. 

“I’m not the one leaving…” he replied with a shrug, gesturing toward the wine. “I’m more interested in this, anyway. Eat as much as you want.” And then, more quietly, he murmured, “Pig.”

Erwin shrugged and ate the rest of his own food and part of Levi’s, finishing off half of the bottle of wine in the meantime. Levi ate a few more bites, but focused more on drinking. By the time they’d finished dinner, they were opening a second bottle. 

“You’re quiet,” Erwin observed. looking over at Levi, dipping his head a bit to get a better look at his face.

“Like I don’t fucking know that,” Levi shot back, but he was lacking all of his usual venom. Erwin frowned.

“If I didn’t know better, Levi,” he began, and Levi held up his hand. 

“Whatever dumbass shit you’re about to say, just…can it. And drink.”

Erwin shrugged and did so, reminding himself that Levi hated having the focus on himself. In a stroke of inspiration, Erwin let himself fall back against the pillows, stretching his long legs beneath the table so that he was almost horizontal, his eyes trained up at the sky. 

“You know,” he started, voice soft as his eyes sought the stars above them. “I’ve always wanted to be outside the walls overnight. I’ve never had a chance, not yet…but I think the stars are even more brilliant out there at night.”

He heard Levi shuffle around next to him, heard the sound of him settling back against the pillow, turned his head in time to see the moonlight reflected in Levi’s grey eyes. After a moment, he turned his eyes back up to the sky and sighed, content to sit there quietly and just…observe. Levi, on the other hand, was almost immediately restless, and squirmed around for a moment before turning over on his side, propping up his head with his hand. 

“Hey,” he barked out, and Erwin turned to look at him with one brow raised. “The cooks told me, you know.”

“Told you what, Levi?” Erwin asked, rather genuinely mystified. 

“That you…stopped. Trying to figure me out, I mean.”

“Oh that,” Erwin smiled and looked back up at the stars, letting his eyes pick out familiar shapes and patterns, “constellations,” he’d once heard them called, in an old, banned book. “After…the last time we talked about it I guess I just realized…if I was going to know, I’d rather it be because you wanted to tell me. I’d rather hear it from you then some secondhand gossip. But it’s alright, I don’t _need_ to know. You were right, it’s none of my business.”

“And you’re content with that.”

“Yeah, I am. At this point…” Erwin took a breath, sighed it out, and finally continued, “At this point, I’m only discontent that I can’t stay here longer. Know you better. Finish teaching you to fight I mean…really fight. That I can’t learn all the dances that you know. That I can’t just learn you…naturally.”

Levi was silent, and Erwin looked over to see him flopped on his back once more, mouth pulled down into the most determined and miserable grimace that Erwin had ever seen. “Levi, are you-…”

“Shut the fuck up,” Levi spat out, and then he covered his mouth with the back of his hand, sat up, and gathered his knees to his chest. 

“Alright,” Erwin said easily, sitting up as well and taking a few deep gulps of wine. “ _And I’d been doing so well, too_ ,” he thought to himself. But it hardly mattered. A moment of silence passed between them, and he turned toward Levi in time to see him draining his wine glass and pouring another. 

“Look,” he finally said, his jaw clenching. “I’ll….I’ll tell you.”

It took a moment for those words to sink in. Erwin swallowed, found his throat to be quite dry, and drank down a few more gulps of wine. He wiped his mouth with his hand and turned to look at Levi, who was staring straight ahead. “I-…” he started, and then a bit louder, “Are you sure?”

“Don’t fucking question me,” Levi sighed out, defeated. “Just. Shut the fuck up and drink your wine and…and let me tell you my fucking story.”

Erwin nodded, refilled both of their glasses, and turned himself toward Levi. “I’m ready when you are.”


	13. A Story and a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d wanted this information for what felt like ages, and now that he was moments away from it, it felt oddly sacred, too much too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **IMPORTANT NOTE:** This chapter contains mentions of rape, torture, coercion, and assault. If you are sensitive to these things, or if you are triggered by them, please read with caution.
> 
> Comments and kudos are so greatly appreciated. Remember, I love you, even when my fic is causing you pain.
> 
> Enjoy!

It took Levi a moment to begin, but Erwin waited quietly, sipping his wine and picking at the remains of the cake with his fork. Levi eyed him and shook his head. “You’re getting so fat,” he offered. 

“Doesn’t it suit me?” Erwin asked, poking his midsection with a smile.

“You fucker,” Levi sighed, and then stretched his limbs, standing to bank the fire. Erwin watched him move in the flickering light, trying not to be too anxious, trying to quell his own dread. He’d wanted this information for what felt like ages, and now that he was moments away from it, it felt oddly sacred, too much too soon. Somehow, it had gone from a story he felt that he _needed_ to know to a story he felt wrong hearing. Even so, if Levi was ready to tell him, he was ready to listen. That was simply that.

The flames burned anew, and Levi came back to sit beside him, sipped his wine, took a deep breath and sighed it out. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he said flatly before looking resolutely away from Erwin. “Alright. Don’t…interrupt me. Don’t ask questions. Here we go.” 

Erwin didn’t tell him that he wouldn’t have dreamed of such indignities, that he wouldn’t have dared interrupt him for the fear of breaking the spell of the evening, of the firelight, of the stars and the moonlight in those grey eyes. He simply nodded, despite the fact that Levi was turned away from him. Even so, Levi began, and Erwin was lost almost immediately in his words.

“I turned my first trick when I was ten years old,” he began, his hand clenching into a fist for a moment before his body seemed to relax. “It’s not as young as you think. Some of my friends started when they were eight. I was holding out but…I got caught stealing one too many times, and it was either lose a couple fingers or suck a cock. So I sucked a cock. Anyway it didn’t take long for people to start coming to me. I guess I had…well, they told me I was a ‘natural’, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. It’s fucking filthy, honestly, but I was hungry. So I did a lot of handjobs, a lot of blowjobs, didn’t let anyone fuck me, really, not then.

“I saved up enough money to get a shitty little room in one of the inns, but I didn’t fucking take guys back there…just did it in alleyways and shit. I got better. It’s like anything, practice makes perfect and…I don’t know, I guess word got around. When I was thirteen a couple of soldiers came to see me, and just like that, I was getting richass guys wanting boy-cunt on the sly. The price was right, so I let them fuck me if they had the cash. It worked out. I had some kids I helped out, loans and shit, you know. It was going pretty well, I guess, there was a market for me because it’s sorta rare and shit, guys are into it,” Erwin knew what he was referring to and didn’t ask for clarification, just nodded, unseen, and sipped his wine.

“Anyway, I figured I’d do it until I could get some good money saved up. It was working out pretty fuckin’ well too. And then one night I…well, this guy showed up. I was sixteen, I guess, he wasn’t much older. Just a recent graduate, some dickwad from the military police. He showed up with 3DMG and a huge fuckin’ purse and said I could have it all if I did whatever he said. The money was good…too good, but I thought I would see what he was up to. He said we had to do it in my room, which I didn’t want. But he flashed his gold and I figured why the hell not. I could always disinfect, and he seemed clean enough, and that purse…well, it was a lot of gold. Anyway, I took him back to the inn and we got down to business. But then he got…weird.”

Levi took another sip of his wine, and then a gulp, scrubbing his hand over his face before he continued. “I didn’t really give a shit about doing weird shit for customers, everybody has their thing, but he was…hurting me. Choking me until I saw stars, not listening when I told him to hold the fuck up, and then he pulled out a fucking knife and I…” Levi sucked in a deep breath, sighed it out, Erwin felt queasy, but true to his word, he wasn’t going to say a damn thing. “He wanted to cut me up while fucking me with…well, with something I knew wasn’t gonna be okay. It was too much. I’m…small. And anyway I said no and he…didn’t give a shit. He started cutting me up then and I just lost it. It happened way too fucking fast, then he was on the ground and I didn’t know if he was dead or not, I guess I had choked him but…but I just took his gear and strapped it on and grabbed the purse and dropped out the window. And I don’t know if he had brought somebody with him or something, but I had MP’s on my ass in seconds, literally. And so I used the 3DMG.”

Erwin winced. As much as he had imagined Levi being a natural, they had trainees die every year because of the risks of using 3DMG, and that was _with_ the proper training. Levi hadn’t stood a chance against trained soldiers, not like that. 

“I was doing okay at first,” Levi said, his tone still firm. “But it was getting dark and I was moving so fast…I got to a part of town I wasn’t too familiar with and…well, I fell.” Levi paused for a moment, and Erwin remembered to take a drink when he did, the two of them sipping away at their wine, even as the tension in the air grew thicker. “So they caught me,” he continued, his voice dropping a bit. “And they beat me…until they were sure I couldn’t run. Then they dragged me up to upper Sina, to a big estate, locked up in manacles and bleeding everywhere. They dropped me on the lawn, at the feet of a man I’d never seen before. Apparently, the client had been his son. And he…he was the head priest of the Wall Cult.

“He demanded to know if I’d killed his son. I told him I didn’t know, and his fuckin’ lackey’s broke one of my ribs…so I told him I hadn’t killed his son, that it was a part of our agreement that I would choke him. That got him to lay off for a bit, and his brat survived after all, but when he came-to he made it very fuckin’ clear that it wasn’t part of our agreement at all. They…kept me to themselves for a bit,” he paused, swallowed, and went on, “You can imagine, anyway, and I didn’t think I would survive it. And then The Minister came to me and decided to make me a deal.

“He’d realized when he…tortured me…that I could make him a lot of money with my unique fucking physical attributes. They’d been smart enough not to touch my face, so they figured I’d make a full recovery. And once I’d recovered, he said, I could have one of two options. Trial by judge for attempted murder in Sina, which was sure to see me fuckin’ hanging in short fuckin’ order…or I could become a Crimson. He told me I would have everything I needed — food, water, a nice room, whatever — and in return, I would work as often as I was wanted, and my profits would be split between him and the Crimson House. He’d brokered the deal already, knowing which I would choose. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself…but I was fucking exhausted, and I hurt in ways and places I hadn’t known were possible, and living the same shit life I’d lived before but with guaranteed meals and a clean room seemed…nice. So I agreed to it, like he fucking knew I would. And it wasn’t until a couple of months later that I realized that he wanted me to be at his disposal, that every few months…well, you saw.”

Erwin was silent, and Levi didn’t look at him, just plowed on. “It’s not revenge anymore, really, he just gets off on it because he’s that fucking fucked up. And he knows I’ll keep my fucking mouth shut and…well, I know he wont kill me, because then he’d lose his god damned cash cow. So here I am. If I try to leave, he’ll throw me at the mercy of the courts. Or worse. But it’s…it’s not that bad, I guess. It’s whatever. Fuck it.”

Erwin finished his wine, trying to steady his racing heart. A few moments of silence passed before he asked, “And…B?”

“B gets a cut,” Levi confirmed. “But don’t hold it against her I mean…it’s just business. And she pays the doctor from her personal cut, so. When I have to see him, I mean. She’s a smart woman, a businesswoman. She should be working for the crown.”

Erwin was silent, waiting for Levi to say something, anything, waiting for a clue for how he should react. In the flickering light of the fire, he was sure that he saw Levi tremble, and then he laughed loudly and Erwin flinched. “It’s fucked up, isn’t it? Ha, ha, and fucking dumbasses like yourself think that money…goes to me…all that fucking money, for fucks sake, they make a killing off of me.” 

And then Erwin was moving without thinking, his arms wrapping around Levi, pulling that slight form into his lap, and Levi’s body was pliant and curling into him in a way he’d never felt before. Where he might have fought before, he simply turned toward Erwin, buried his head in Erwin’s neck, his fists curling into Erwin’s shirt, his knees snapping up so that Erwin could hold the whole of him all at once, and Erwin was stroking his hair, kissing his head, letting his fingers run down those sinewy arms, holding him so tight he felt as though he would crush him, but it still didn’t feel like enough. A thought flashed through his mind, a completely ridiculous thought, but all he wanted to do was pull Levi into him, swallow him up so no one could touch him again, so that he would be a part of Erwin, and the image of it, of himself opening up and wrapping Levi up in the insides of him was so gruesome he could hardly stand it, but still it was precisely what he wanted in a way he couldn’t hope to explain. 

Without warning, Levi was scrabbling at Erwin’s chest, beating at him with his fists, his jaw set so hard that Erwin could see the muscles in his neck, strident and bulging even in the flickering light, and Erwin wrapped his arms about him more tightly, held him closer and closer until Levi could hardly move. Even so, he thrashed about a bit more, and Erwin wasn’t sure if he should try and hold him still or let him go, but he held him, squeezing him tighter in his arms, and eventually Levi was sobbing against his chest, warm and pliant again all at once and Erwin just held him and held him, his mind whirring about a hundred miles a minute while he tried to figure out how the fuck he was supposed to save him.

_His story is not yours to know, he is not yours to save, and you will do well to forget him once you leave here…_

B’s words echoed in his mind, and Erwin decided right then and there that he didn’t give a fuck, that he had never been interested in rules and he wasn’t about to start now, that he…that _they_ could beat this. They could. It didn’t even sound as though Levi had tried before, but Erwin couldn’t blame him. Perhaps he’d never even thought there were options.

“We can get him, you know,” Erwin began, his voice strangely low, husky as his lips brushed against Levi’s ear.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, old man? You delusional? Didya’ hear a word I said?” Levi choked and Erwin could feel his face twisting into an incredulous frown.

“No, we can,” Erwin began, his fingers moving absently through Levi’s hair, trying desperately to hold him all together despite his trembling and trepidation. “Listen, I’ll…I’m a strategist, Levi, a problem solver. This is what I do. You know how I told you I’ve been trying to come up with a way to beat the titans?”   
“I’m not a fucking idiot,” Levi half-groaned, sounding miserable.

“I know that. Listen. The Minister…he’s just another titan, Levi. And taking down titans is what I do. A titan isn’t easy to take down…it takes precision, you know, that’s why so many of us die. But all titans have a weak spot — the back of the neck — and we just have to find out where The Minister’s weak spot is, you see? And then we can take him down too. Like the money…he must be making a fortune off of you, isn’t he? Maybe he isn’t paying taxes…”

Levi snorted, derisive and ready to counter, but Erwin plunged ahead, holding him tightly, feeling him breathe. “Tax evasion. It’s been used against bigger fish than him because even if the magistrate doesn’t want to step on his toes, no one in judicial power dares to deny the king his due.”

“Erwin, no, it’s just…”

“ _Shhh_ , no, listen to me. It’s possible, Levi, I know it seems like a long shot, but it’s possible. And once the crown knows…”

“Who’s going to speak for me in court?” Levi asked, his tone nearly incredulous, “Crimsons…we aren’t considered people, Erwin, I could say anything I wanted to and no one would give a shit. Crimsons can’t bear witness.”

Erwin was quiet for a moment. He hadn’t considered that…in fact, he hadn’t been aware. It made sense, in a twisted way. Regardless of what the elite did to the Crimsons, they couldn’t really fight back, couldn’t make them pay for their indiscretions. But what if an elite fought for them?

“Levi,” he murmured, lips brushing over that silky black hair, “My father is the right hand of the King. I’ll let him know The Minister isn’t paying proper taxes on the money he makes from you, and your contract or….or whatever will be void.”

“Just the fact that you think that would work…” Levi’s voice cracked, and he took a deep breath, exhaled it in a sigh. “Erwin, no. He doesn’t pay taxes. Clergy doesn’t….doesn’t have to.”

“Then I’d find something else,” Erwin replied, the quality of his voice growing stronger, steadier in the moonlight, the fire crackling behind every word.

“I could go to my father, reveal The Minister’s indiscretions. Maybe he would lose his position, his prestige. You’d be a part of his estate, of course, but I could bargain for your life, I could convince him to relinquish you to my care, especially if they all believed you were too troublesome to make them any money. I know that you could act the part, Levi…hell, I’ve seen you act it before. Anyway, though, I’d convince them to relegate your care to me. And then…then I’d make you mine.”

He waited for Levi to protest, but something in him was shifting, Erwin could feel it, like he was letting go, like he was letting Erwin take control. When he finally spoke, he simply asked, “What do you mean, make me yours?” Erwin searched for the sarcasm in his tone and came up empty. With a sigh, he replied, “I’d make a house for us, and I’d let you stay there. You could stay there whenever you wanted, and leave whenever you wanted, but the doors would always be open to you. And when you wanted to be there, you’d have a soft bed and anything I could provide you with. It might not be the luxury accommodations of the Crimson House, but I’d make sure that you were comfortable, Levi.”

A moment of silence passed, Erwin feeling every nerve in his body on edge, wondering if he’d said something wrong, too much, overstepped his bounds, but to his surprise Levi whispered, “More?” Erwin was incredulous, but some strange energy surged through him and suddenly he could see it, feel it, almost taste it before him, the life he wanted, the life they’d never have.

“I would go on expeditions beyond the Wall, and you would wait for me to return. And when I came back I would bury myself between your legs,” Levi moaned into his chest, encouraging, “And lick you until that cunt was dripping everywhere, and I would tell you how incredible you tasted, and how I wanted to bury myself inside you until the only thing you could moan would be my name.” Erwin felt hot lips along his neck then, alternating with an almost-violent nipping at his earlobes and the space beneath them, at his collarbones and the tender space where his neck met his shoulders. He groaned, and felt Levi’s lips moving, felt him whisper “ _More_ ,” but he needed no encouragement.

“I’d teach you to use the gear, and you’d best me in no time flat. We’d go to the forests behind Maria, behind Rose, and I’d watch you fly through the air as though you’d been born winged, like some great hero of the world before, I’d… _ah_ ,” And Levi’s teeth were sinking into his shoulder, and Erwin ground his teeth together for a moment and squeezed Levi even tighter, one hand snaking up to run through his hair, to wind those strands into his fist. “You’d be gorgeous, perfect…you’d be _free_ and you’d never have to fuck anyone that you didn’t want to again.”

“Just…” Levi was panting, inexplicably out of breath, his body radiating waves of heat that even the nighttime chill couldn’t take away. “You, right?”

“If you wanted,” Erwin replied, and Levi’s arms shot around him, his nails digging into Erwin’s back through his thin cotton shirt. 

“ _More_.”

“I’d spend hours learning you, worshipping you, _knowing_ you until I knew your body better than I know my own. I’d perfect the art of you, Levi. And just when you thought there was nothing I could do to surprise you, I’d find a way, and I’d make you cum so hard you wouldn’t move for hours. I’d make you shiver and shake and cry for me, Levi.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Levi whispered, choking it out like a sob. “More. _More_.”

“I’d defeat the titans, every last one of the. I’d find the way to get us outside the walls, to make us safe again. And then I’d build a house for you and me. Maybe we’d live with a whole city of others, or maybe we’d find a place of our own, off in the wilds.”

Levi moaned softly, and Erwin took the hint, continuing, “A place just for us, hidden away and perfect and filled with your scent. We could have a garden and a wood stove and a couple of horses, and when the spring came we would leave and explore, the whole wide world at our fingertips, and whole of everything ours for the taking. The world is _ours _, Levi, and no…client, or whatever, could be bigger than that, right?”__

__“Yes,” Levi choked out, and Erwin realized that his whole body was shaking now, trembling with tension, with violence._ _

__“But no matter what it would be me, and it would be you…it would be _us_ , Levi, with a whole wide world to explore.”_ _

__Levi clung to him then, pulling his arms in against Erwin’s chest so that his fists could tangle up in Erwin’s cotton shirt, and by the way he shook and trembled Erwin could only imagine he was fighting to stop the tears that were soaking through the fabric over Erwin’s chest._ _

__“I’d make sure we had a tub,” Erwin murmured into Levi’s hair, smiling softly, sadly. “It might not be as nice as you’re accustomed to, but it would do.”_ _

__Levi tried to chuckle, but the sound that came from him was broken, odd. Erwin ignored it and pressed on. “I’d wash you myself. I’d get all of your soaps, your bath oils. Surely I could manage that with all the status I’ve got.” He pulled him close again, his voice dropping to something barely above a whisper. “I’ll take you away from all of this to a place where we can just…live.”_ _

__Levi sobbed and Erwin stroked his hair, trailing his hand down his narrow back, fighting an inner battle to believe in the world he’d created with his words, to believe that he could actually save Levi, that he could actually create a life for them. In the moment, with the lights of Sina spread out before them, with the fire crackling and Levi curled up so small, so strong, so perfect in his lap, it seemed nearly possible. But something was already pushing up through his chest, breaking the spell of the fantasy he had created. He tried to ignore it, but the luster of it was fading away, and he could tell by the tensing of Levi’s body that it was fading away from them both far too soon. Levi pulled away from him then, grabbing a cloth napkin from the table to wipe at his eyes and blow his nose. When he was done, Erwin pulled him back, reached up and stroked his hand down Levi’s cheek, cupped his jaw, stared into his eyes._ _

__After his tears, his eyes were so grey that they were almost clear, reflecting the orange, flickering light of the fire. Levi stared back at him, and Erwin could feel his jaw stiffening, could see the final bits of his expression closing off as though he was remembering himself, remembering who he was, who Erwin was._ _

__“Levi,” Erwin murmured softly, “I _will_ save you.”_ _

__Levi took a deep, shaking breath, pressed his lips together, and shook his head. “No, you won’t, idiot,” he replied, his voice so soft Erwin could hardly hear him. “Erwin, you’re…already titan food and I’m just another whore. It’s…it’s a beautiful dream. Nothing more. But…thank you. No one’s ever spun me such a tale.”_ _

__He pressed a kiss to Erwin’s forehead and stood, extricating himself from Erwin’s grip. “I’ll…see you in the morning. Goodnight, Erwin.”_ _

__And with that he walked away, devoid of his usual feline grace, and though every part of Erwin cried out at the powerlessness, the helplessness of sitting on those cushions without even trying to go after him, he knew that the evening was over. Levi had given him everything that he had to give, perhaps more, and Erwin was left torn open, gutted, and at a complete loss for what to do._ _

__***_ _

__He sat on the terrace for a long, long time, watching as the fire died, sipping at the wine for warmth. When the fire had been reduced to a few smoking embers, when the wine was gone and the chill had reached his bones, he finally stood and made his way inside. Strategy was his main strength as a soldier, and he was sure, _sure_ he could solve this. Levi had been right about one thing; he had an expiration date. The survival rate of the survey corps was incredibly low. But even if he was going off to his death, there was no reason he couldn’t get Levi out of this before that happened. The idea of creating a life together was beautiful, but unattainable. Levi’s freedom, on the other hand…Erwin knew some of the most powerful people in Sina. He wasn’t sure if being his father’s son gave him enough clout to do what was needed, but if he could leverage himself correctly, call in just the right favors at the right time…_ _

__His mind was spinning as he undressed, climbed into bed, closed his eyes, readjusted his blanket, sat up again, fluffed his pillows, laid back down, and continued to toss and turn. No matter how he went at the problem of Levi, he kept coming back with the same answer; he knew the right people, but his words simply didn’t have enough weight. The amount of money that Levi was worth when he was alive and working outweighed any political favors that Erwin could call in, even if the cruelty angle were to work, The Minister was in a high enough position that he would be unlikely to get anything beyond a slight tap on the wrist. He would send the crown enough money to keep everyone quiet, and the powers that be would lick the cream from their chops while Levi suffered and Erwin was forced to smile and nod and bear the brunt of his failure._ _

__The more he considered, stewed, thought, and schemed, the more sure he felt that there was very little to be done, or at the least, very little that he could do. He needed more time, but his time was not his own, and he had no more control over his orders than Levi had over the clients he was sent out to see. When he finally slept it was fitful, his dreams image after image of bruises, blood, and broken bones._ _


	14. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin felt vaguely nauseous and had to stop for a moment just to breathe. Briefly, he wondered if he could get Levi out of here now, quickly, before anyone knew the difference. For a moment, he imagined it, the two of them running far from Sina, perhaps to the mountain or forest towns, perhaps to a place where people wouldn’t ask questions or give information to the crown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much to say, and yet I don't want to say anything. :c This chapter is so intense that I can't really think of anything to add. All I can say is stick with me, you guys. :3
> 
> As always, enjoy.

The next morning, Erwin came-to slowly, but laid in his bed regardless. He knew that his feeling of listlessness was due more to the knowledge of what the day would bring than his lack of sleep, but as the sun rose, he rolled over and sighed, wondering how long he could languish in bed before someone or something compelled him sufficiently to move. Tossing, turning, and fitful dreams hadn’t done anything for his strategy; the problem of getting Levi out of his indentured servitude was as daunting as ever. He had a few half-formed ideas, but nothing concrete, and the amount of time available to him was limited. Being a Captain of the Survey Corps, he wouldn’t be in the interior forever. Capitalizing on his time there was going to be of the essence, but he wasn’t even sure how to capitalize on it yet. 

He was pulled from his thoughts by a sharp knock at the door and Levi’s rough, familiar voice saying, “Get up, lazy-ass, I’m hungry.” Erwin smiled to himself, and the knife that seemed to have made it’s home in his gut twisted deeper. “Be right there,” he replied, surprised that his voice sounded more or less normal, aside from the gravel of a recently-shaken sleep. Then again, being overly emotional wasn’t his style, and even though every part of him beneath the surface was a roiling storm, he had to keep his facade up on the outside. He was returning to his troops today. If he was going to manage to save Levi _and_ perform well as a Captain, he was going to need to at least appear to have it all together. 

He rolled over and rose, pulling his uniform out and putting it on mechanically. He would need to pack his things after breakfast, he knew. Despite his feelings about his tiny room, he knew there was not a single thing about the Crimson House that he wouldn’t miss. The cooks, the maids, the food, the wine, even his tiny room and creaky old bed. He would miss bathing in hot water, in that absurdly large, luxurious tub. Of course, all of that paled in comparison to how much he would miss Levi himself…dancing with him, training to fight, their conversations in the carriage, he would even miss the fights. And of course, he would miss seeing him, hearing his gruff voice and his thuggish way of speaking and the fierce wit that it belied, his pale, slender body swathed in a difference costume every night, the way he moved…

Erwin cleared his throat once, and then twice, and willed himself to stop thinking about it. He would see Levi again. He had to. He just needed a bit more time to figure out how. 

When he emerged from his room, he could hear Levi going through moves in the front room. He made his way to the restroom for his morning routine, as though everything was the same as always, the same as it had been. Thirty minutes later he emerged clean-shaven and put together, stepping downstairs to retrieve a breakfast tray and some tea for them. Everything was normal, mind-crushingly normal, except that it wasn’t at all, except that he was leaving within an hour or two, except that now he knew the truth of Levi’s imprisonment, and as he ascended the stairs it dawned on him that the question he’d been asking, _why_ Levi needed guards, was clear now. They were keeping him in line just as much as they were keeping others away. 

Erwin felt vaguely nauseous and had to stop for a moment just to breathe. Briefly, he wondered if he could get Levi out of here now, quickly, before anyone knew the difference. For a moment, he imagined it, the two of them running far from Sina, perhaps to the mountain or forest towns, perhaps to a place where people wouldn’t ask questions or give information to the crown. They could grow their food and hunt…Erwin wasn’t sure how, but he knew that they could learn, if they needed to. But there would be a price on their heads, likely some outrageous sum, something no kind-hearted neighbor could resist, and it would be only a matter of time…they were caged in, here, within the walls there were only so many places to hide. 

Besides, Erwin thought to himself, he had an obligation to humanity that he simply could not ignore. He’d given his heart, hadn’t he? But how could he have, when he hadn’t even understood the depth and breadth of that expression until he’d met Levi? 

It was then that the reality of his situation struck him, and without warning he felt as though the floor was falling out from beneath him. Somehow, with the edges of his vision going black, with his heart pounding and the blood rushing through his ears, he made it to the landing and set down the heavy tray before stumbling into the corner and bracing himself against the walls. His breath was coming in gasps, then, his legs going weak, and as he pressed himself into the corner he saw the door to the apartment open, Levi staring at him quizzically, and then with understanding. 

“God damnit, old man,” Levi said softly, his voice more gentle than Erwin had ever heard it. He opened his mouth and tried to speak, but his throat felt like it was closing up all at once, dry and thick and ruined. Levi stepped lightly over the tray and pushed himself against Erwin, his small body fitting itself against Erwin’s own, his head resting against Erwin’s heart as his arms wrapped around his waist. Erwin wanted to speak, wanted to say so many things, but he felt like he’d been winded, punched in the gut, like his gear had failed mid-leap and left him in a broken heap on the forest floor. And Levi…well, Levi just held him there, just listened to the deep rhythm of his heartbeat, to the way it pounded wildly in his chest and then, ever so slowly quieted to something approximating normal. Erwin wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, or when his fingers had reached up to run themselves through Levi’s hair, or when his other arm wrapped itself around Levi, pulling him crushingly close. 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” Levi whispered. “But it did. And we can’t change that. You’re going to have to go, old man. You’re going to have to forget me. But it’s okay…you’ll be dead soon anyway. Maybe I will be too. Maybe we’ll meet again, in another life. Maybe then we’ll find each other.”

“Maybe,” Erwin whispered, and he hardly recognized that broken, shaking whisper as his own. 

They remained that way for a moment more, and finally Levi pulled away from him, looked up into his face. Erwin dipped down, bringing their faces closer until his lips were just a few inches from Levi’s, but Levi dipped his chin down and shook his head. “You’ll just make it worse,” he whispered. “Just forget me, Erwin Smith.”

“I never will, Levi.”

“Then wait for me in another life.”

“That’s not good enough.”

Levi breathed once, twice, then pushed Erwin roughly back into the wall, grabbed the tray from the floor, and made his way inside. Erwin followed, speechless and aching.

Levi walked to the sitting room, set the tray on the table and turned, his grey eyes fixing on Erwin. They stared at one another, and Erwin tried to decide between pulling Levi into his arms and turning to walk away, as Levi seemed to want. Their stare stretched on for minutes before Erwin finally murmured, “I _will_ save you, Levi.”

Levi’s jaw set, his body turning into hard lines the way it did when he was stubborn, and seeing it, recognizing the posture, Erwin felt the knife in his guts twisting again. 

“No, Erwin. You wont.”

***

The rest of the morning went by in a haze; somehow Erwin packed his things, somehow he returned his room to working order for the next guard, somehow he even managed to choke down some sort of food and a cup of tea that had cooled during his emotional display. Levi remained in the background, never quite looking at Erwin as he went about his business, though Erwin strongly suspected that he was watching him in his periphery. Before he knew it, before he was ready, he caught Levi looking out the window, and upon being caught Levi simply said, “He’s here.” 

Erwin looked at him, searching those grey eyes for something, anything, knowing desperately that he wanted to pull Levi to him one last time, to finish what he’d started earlier, to press him into the deepest kiss he’d ever been given, to spend these last few precious moments locked together before they’d be separated for…for they couldn’t be sure how long ( _not forever though_ , a voice inside him whispered), but Levi was closed to him, and Erwin couldn’t stand the thought of forcing a kiss upon him. Instead he stood there staring as heavy footfalls made their way up the stairs, their eyes locked, the knife in his gut twisting deeper, pulling him apart from the inside out, and then the door opened, a grey head poked it’s way inside, and Erwin found himself pulling his arms into a salute to a solider he didn’t recognize, Levi still staring at him across the room.

Minutes later, he was stepping into a carriage, trying not to wonder if those storm-cloud eyes were following him from the window of an unlikely prison on the uppermost floor.

***

The first week was the hardest. Erwin was out of the routine of military and completely unwilling to share an ounce of his experience at the Crimson House with anyone. His perfect smiling charm was back with a vengeance and he had a clever answer for anyone who asked him what he’d been up to. Mike had given him a meaningful look when he’d lied about who his charge had been, but if he smelled the falsehood he’d let it pass. Maur hadn’t said a word to him, despite the fact that Erwin knew she must have known, by now, that he knew who she was and about the connection that existed between them. At first, he had wondered if she would try to be more involved in his life, now, but it became clear that wasn’t her intention. He was to come to her if he had a need, but otherwise neither of them would acknowledge their history, and Erwin was perfectly content with that. 

The military rations where just as bad as he remembered, the showers just as cold, brief, and uncomfortable, the banter of the soldiers around him just as mindless, and the brass just as lazy and generally useless. Nothing had changed. Nothing except Erwin himself.

And Levi…Levi was there with him, in his thoughts and his imagination, crawling around the corners of every dream, slinking through the space around him, but when he’d try to get closer, try to reach out to him, he’d vanish like so much smoke, like he’d never been there at all. Erwin went through each day with a leaden weight in the pit of his gut, and every thought of Levi settled atop it until it was heavier and heavier, nearly unbearable. A week after he’d arrived, Erwin woke an hour before dawn’s first light drenched in sweat and shivering violently. He pushed himself from his bunk, dressed quickly, and set out on a sprinting, punishing run. He made it to the dark, empty training grounds before he lost his composure, the weight in his stomach pushing itself out in the form of sob after sob, Erwin seeking refuge behind a training dummy as he released the frustration, tension, and grief that threatened to ruin him. 

He watched the sunrise that morning, feeling as though the crimson light of the sun’s first rays was a fire burning away the weakness in him. He knew the truth of his mother now, and he knew the truth of Levi. He knew the cruelty of the ruling class and the unfairness of any system where citizens were stripped of the rights that their humanity afforded them. Levi had taught him that he wouldn’t ever understand their pain in a personal way, but he didn’t need to experience it to recognize it, to fight it. And fight it he would…first, he would save Levi, then he would defeat the titans. At the moment, they felt like equally indomitable tasks. 

He was unlikely to be able to save Levi without breaking _some_ rules, but he would have to break them judiciously, at precisely the right moment and in the right ways. He would need to leverage everything that he had, and he would need to be able to bluff. Step one would be deciphering exactly what his assets were and where he stood with them. Step two would be discovering The Minister’s weaknesses. Step three would be applying pressure at just the right place to make him sell Levi’s contract. It was a shadowy, vague sort of plan but it was the best he had, and anyway, he could fill in the details as he went. 

The first step, at least, was clear; Erwin was going to need to make an appointment to see his father. 

***

Roderich Smith was not a kind or a warm man, and he had very little regard for the whore’s son he’d more or less claimed as his own. Erwin knew that getting in to see him was going to be a challenge, and in that, at least, he was not disappointed. After sending him several messages, he was finally able to secure a very late evening appointment with the man who made sure to inform him that he was to take no more than twenty of his precious minutes. Erwin hadn’t seen his father in well over a year, but had no doubt that twenty minutes would be more than enough to last him until they chanced to meet again. 

Erwin and Roderich had never been anything approximating close, indeed, they’d hardly been more than cordial. However, the real rift between them had grown when Erwin had graduated from the Military Academy. Roderich had spent years taking him to parties, introducing him to the correct people, setting him up for a life in politics and prestige. To his mind, Erwin had taken all of his help, generosity, and kindness, and shat on it when he chose to pursue the Survey Corps, when he chose to commit the near-heresy of exploring beyond the walls. Ever since Erwin had given his heart to the wings of freedom, Roderich had treated him like something of an unfortunate blight on his time and person. Erwin didn’t really expect that to change. 

Even so, he was bound by obligation to see Erwin occasionally, and if word got around that he had refused an audience with his son, the sharks would certainly begin to circle. The only thing that Roderich found more distasteful than the thought of spending time with his disappointment of a bastard son was the thought of someone else trying to usurp his wealth and prestige in Erwin’s place. And so their relationship remained quite a strange one, Erwin being the only child and sole inheritor of his father’s estate, and Roderich despising the truth of that but unwilling to bestow the honor on anyone else. After everything, despite his ridiculous ambitions, Erwin was _still a Smith_ , he had been raised as such and he carried Roderich’s name. And that, for now, was apparently enough to keep him in the will.

When the evening of their appointment finally arrived, Erwin dressed carefully, putting on a spotlessly clean and thoroughly starched uniform, the wings of freedom emblazoned boldly on his jacket, his boots shined so thoroughly he could use them as a mirror. He had paid to have a proper bath, to see a proper barber, his body clean and lightly scented, his hair perfectly trimmed and combed into place, his face shaved so closely the not a hint of his blond stubble remained. He looked every inch the elite that his father wanted him to be, if only his jacket had carried a unicorn instead of a pair of wings. His position being held in the Survey Corps was enough of an affront to his father’s mind, he knew it was paramount that the rest of him be spotlessly put together.

He arrived at his father’s large, sprawling estate on horseback and with a few minutes to spare, so he took his time dawdling in the entry hall before he informed the butler of his arrival. As he looked at the paintings, the woodwork, the many luxuries of the upper class that he had once been so accustomed to, he couldn’t help but think of those carvings in Levi’s sitting room, the paintings of the ocean. For a moment, he was lost, that old familiar knife tearing into his belly again as Levi’s grey eyes appeared before him, holding a question, a judgement, a warning, an invitation. Back here, in the elite section of Upper Sina, Erwin missed him especially fiercely, wondered where he was, what appointment he was fulfilling this evening, whether or not he could guess that Erwin was working even now to see him again. An image flashed before him, an image of Levi bruised and bloodied and laying on his stomach in his bed, and Erwin nearly doubled over from the force of it. How long had it been since The Minister had seen him? How long would it be until he would see him again?

“Young Master,” the butler said, tilting his head quizzically as he looked at Erwin, who was supporting himself with one hand on the wall, breath coming in gasps. Erwin started, his head snapping up to meet the butler’s gaze, and all at once he felt quite ridiculous indeed. He hadn’t realized how much his thoughts were affecting him, hadn’t realized how visceral his reaction had become. Pulling himself back into a cool, collected state took a moment, but he finally smiled at the butler and shook his head. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been to this house,” he offered, and the butler nodded despite the obvious shortcomings of such an explanation. The butler handed him a napkin to wipe the beads of sweat from his forehead and offered a mirror so that he could push his hair back into place. Moment’s later, Erwin was presentable, and thus he was taken to see his father.

Roderich was in his study, sitting before a crackling fire and puffing away at a pipe. One his lap, he held an enormous ledger, the sight of which Erwin was extremely familiar with. He knew his father was a creature of routine, and thus their meeting fell directly after Roderich’s daily meeting with the head of his estate. Erwin had never seen someone count their pennies so fastidiously, particularly when they had so many to count. Even so, his father had hardly changed. Though Erwin knew he would have been incredibly upset with anything less than a perfect appearance from himself, his father sat in a fur-lined robe and a pair of cotton pants, the silver hair of his chest visible at the “v” where the robe closed. His hair was silver and slicked back over his head, his eyes hazel and sharp, even at his age he didn’t need glasses to read or see distance. 

“Erwin,” he started, his voice taking on a certain tense quality that Erwin assumed was saved specifically for him. 

“Roderich,” Erwin returned, standing before his father in a military at-ease position. “How’s the estate?”

“Quite well, as it always will be under a _thoughtful_ steward.”

Erwin hummed and nodded as though the slight had been lost on him entirely. He wasn’t going to argue with his father, not tonight. 

“Under your stewardship, I suppose the worth of your estate tops most of the elite at this point.” 

“Hardly,” Roderich scoffed. “It’s respectable enough, but most of my assets are tied to the land and house, as they always have been.”

“Yes, sir,” Erwin nodded, looking about the room. The opulence of this house had once been lost on him, but after years of barracks…well, even the Crimson House seemed homespun by comparison. “Though it’s hard to imagine a richer estate.”

“Yes well,” Roderich began, and Erwin brought his eyes back to his father, “The Head Priest has managed to become richer than us all.”

“The members of the church are very devout,” he offered with a nod.

Roderich snorted and shook his head. “Their devotion to the Walls is hardly the reason. He’s gotten himself the highest-paid whore in Sina, but the money goes directly to him.”

“I wonder how he accomplished such a thing?” Erwin asked, allowing the barest hint of curiosity into his tone. 

“I wish I would have thought of it,” Roderich continued, shaking his head. “I could’ve used that trick with your mother.”

Erwin felt a surge of rage then, but if it managed to cloud his features before he pushed it back down, Roderich didn’t seem to notice. 

“Ahh, but I forgot, you’re not one to be interested in the goings-on of the elite, are you? You’d rather spend your life in the kitchens with the cooks or fraternizing with the maids, Erwin. I keep wondering when I’ll find you at a party in the uniform of the waitstaff instead of sporting those ridiculous wings.”

“It is a terrible shortcoming of mine,” Erwin replied smoothly, and Roderich’s face fell into a scowl. 

“Why the hell are you wasting my time, anyway?”

“I wanted to take a moment to look at the ledgers.”

“I’m far from my deathbed, Erwin.”

“And I hope you remain so for many years to come,” Erwin tried to keep his lips from quirking at the edges, remembering that his smiles always agitated his father further. “However, I’ve been remiss in acting as though I had no interest in the estate. If I do not learn proper stewardship now, I wont have a chance before I’m sent to the outer walls.”

“The outer walls,” Roderich spat. “I should disinherit you before you die stupidly for nothing and bring shame upon our house.”

“You’re more than welcome to,” Erwin replied softly, his cordiality nearly slipping. “If you find a more deserving heir. Besides, I have a great many ideas of how to increase the survival rate of the Survey Corps. I might just come back to this old house after all.”

Roderich got to his feet with a huff, taking the ledger to the large, oaken desk that stood before the rooms singular, floor-to-ceiling glass window. He laid it open and gestured vaguely. “I don’t have time to explain it to you. Browse it at your leisure and leave when you’re finished.”

“Ah, you have my gratitude, Roderich,” Erwin replied smoothly, then added, “But you still have ten minutes left with me until I’ve exhausted my appointment.”

His father looked at him then with some mix of vague curiosity and annoyance, and Erwin looked down respectfully. “It’s been over a year since I’ve seen you, and I had a few more questions regarding matters that it seems you might be familiar with.” 

“Go on, then.”

“I’m curious about the Head Priest and his whore,” he said simply, and Roderich’s eyes snapped up to meet his own. 

“Why?” Roderich demanded, suspicion in his tone. 

“I’d like to know why he avoids paying his due to the crown when my men suffer for every under-funded mission outside the walls.”

“Careful, Erwin, you’re beginning to sound almost…political.”

Erwin kept his eyes locked on his father’s, then, keeping their gazes connected for a significant moment before he let his eyes fall away to the side, and then scrubbed his hand over his freshly-shaved face. His body language spoke hidden intent, reticence, and finally, the peculiar half-surrender of a compromise. He brought his eyes back to his father’s and grimaced. 

“I’m sorry, Roderich, but I had an ulterior motive for this visit.”

“Of course you did. Speak.”

“I’ve realized that I might be of more use to the Survey Corps if I were to serve them from Sina.”

Roderich gave a derisive laugh and looked at Erwin in disbelief. “I know that your training is done in the capital, but what the hell do you think you’ll doing for your Heretic Corps in Sina?”

Erwin knew that his father refused to ascribe to the cult — the dig had been made solely with the intent of grating his nerves. He refused to let it hit home. “Honestly? We’re broke. The Survey Corps needs to leave the walls more often, and if we’re to do so, we’re going to need more support in Sina. It’s…becoming clear that we need someone to move among the elite and curry favor.”

“And naturally, you’ve accepted the position.”

“Naturally?” Erwin asked, genuinely curious.

“You know I’m getting older, and you wish to keep your future estate close. Your jaunt into the outside world was, no doubt, a delightful rebellion, but I knew it was only a matter of time before you realized the advantages of the comfort of Sina.”

Erwin had the decency to look chagrined, though he was secretly pleased that his father had drawn such broad conclusions from such a small lie. 

“Needless to say,” Erwin went on, thoroughly planning to take advantage of this rare moment where all of his father’s focus was locked on him, “I’ll be spending a lot more time in Sina. I need to know who the major players are, but this issue of the Head Priest…”

“Forget about him, Erwin,” Roderich interjected, and Erwin found himself surprised at the force in his tone. 

“I know that the Wall Cult doesn’t agree with the Survey Corps,” he began, but Roderich cut in again with, “ _Forget about him_ , Erwin. You’ve got a politician’s mind, but you’re a man with scruples. He’ll have you for breakfast without a thought, you know.”

Erwin smiled, then, finally, a small and humorless smile, and leaned over the desk, placing both of his hands upon it, looking his father straight in the eyes. “I’m pleased that you consider me a man with scruples, _Father_ ,” he murmured, the ice of his words disguised in the warmth of his tone, “But I’m afraid that only proves that you simply don’t know me at all.”

The silence between them was thick, then, and Erwin could tell that Roderich was having difficulty maintaining his stare. He’d never been able to look Erwin in the eyes for very long, but he could sense the challenge in his stare and was loath to back down. Erwin didn’t want to risk losing his father’s input or attention, not in this crucial matter, so finally, he lowered his gaze, smiled, stood up straight and crossed his arms. 

“I’ll be discreet,” he promised, his voice returning to it’s usual volume. “No one will ever know what I know. So…tell me what you know, and perhaps I can secure my position in Sina.”


	15. Maneuvering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He remembered telling Levi that the man was a titan. He hadn’t realized the veracity of that statement until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many of you mentioned enjoying Erwin's maneuvering...this chapter is for you. :3 
> 
> I forgot to mention it last time but I made a mix for Gilded, largely comprised of the music I used to write it. [Give a listen](http://8tracks.com/rivai-lution/steepled-fingers-ringleaders-a-gilded-by-night-mix), if you'd like! 
> 
> I've been getting so much positive feedback, and I really, really appreciate it. Every single person that talks to me, on here or tumblr, on anon or off, I really, really appreciate you. I appreciate everyone who reads this story, but it means a lot to me when you take the time to let me know how you feel about it, so thank you!
> 
> Enjoy.

Shockingly, their appointment extended far beyond the twenty-minute limit that Roderich had imposed upon him, and it was nearly an hour later that Erwin emerged from his father’s estate with a solid idea of his father’s worth and a firm conviction that The Minister was just as slippery and savvy as he had first appeared to be. His father was powerfully motivated to help him — keep Erwin in Sina and no one could label him a heretic. His political position would be secure, even if he remained a part of the Survey Corps on the surface. He would marry, produce heirs, and essentially follow in his father’s footsteps by securing a political career and a cushy existence among the elite. Of course, Erwin had no intention of staying in Sina at all, but his father hardly needed to know that the entire plan had been fabricated as leverage to ply information. He would figure it out eventually on his own, but not before Erwin had freed Levi. 

What bothered Erwin even now was the information he’d gotten on The Minister…or more accurately, the information he’d _not_ gotten. His father had seemed to know some things about the man, but nothing of note. When Erwin pressed, it became very clear that the man was profoundly adept at hiding his indiscretions, funneling his money through the proper avenues, giving enough money to the right people to keep the crown happy and generally out of his business, and leveraging his religious devotees where necessary. He could turn political policy with a sermon, could inspire fear and devotion with words, and when his words failed him, he could back them up with money. The amount he was making off of Levi would have been enough to support the half of the Survey Corps, but he knew how to funnel that cash around to secure himself. Erwin would not have been surprised if he were, for all intents and purposes, more influential than the Crown.

He remembered telling Levi that the man was a titan. He hadn’t realized the veracity of that statement until now. 

The other details his father had imparted had been equally interesting and, Erwin suspected, ultimately useless; his wife had died in childbirth, and their son was a high-ranking officer in the Military Police who had seemingly climbed the ranks entirely due to his father’s influence. His estate was kept in incredible secrecy, and apparently, he prided himself on having information on those who had information on him. Erwin knew that meant that he must have had something on Roderich, as well; Levi’s relationship to all of this and the part he played in The Minister’s fortune was extremely privileged information. Erwin couldn’t be sure the depth of the power games between them, but it was clear that the two of them butted heads regularly. Erwin imagined that The Minister’s son’s position in the Military Police was lorded over Roderich on a regular basis, but he had no love for his father, nor any sympathy. Had he allowed Erwin to be raised by Johanna, he could have happily spent a lifetime ignoring him. It was Roderich’s choice to steal Erwin from her arms, and Roderich could spend a lifetime suffering for it for all Erwin cared. 

On the other hand, that was the only point of leverage that he could find. He wouldn’t be able to expose the Minister, that much was clear. Though Levi’s indentured servitude was privileged information, Erwin was positive that the Minister hadn’t been so stupid as to let his existence be a threat to him. Even in the unlikely scenario that he didn’t have a contingency plan in the event of the exposure of his involvement with Levi, were Erwin to leak the information, he imagined that Levi would be dead before anything could be brought to light. No one cared about a dead whore, after all, and without Levi, any accusations would fall apart. Erwin wouldn’t take that risk. 

As he rode back to the barracks, he considered the juxtaposition of his involvement in the Survey Corps with The Ministers’ son’s involvement in the Military Police. In his mind, he explored what it must have been like for Roderich to admit that his son was a mere Captain in the Survey Corps. The thought of it made him smile. Perhaps someday, Erwin thought, he would prove himself such a disappointment that Roderich would stop expecting him to come to his senses. One could only hope. 

He couldn’t help considering Johanna, then, the mistake she’d made when she’d assumed that Roderich would do the right thing, the honorable thing. He wouldn’t make the same mistake. He couldn’t afford a single misstep in this endeavor. The wrong move could be the death of Levi; the only one he would risk everything for, the only one he wasn’t willing to risk. 

He arrived back at the barracks and took his time brushing his horse down, feeding him and putting him in his stall for the night. As he exited the stables, he heard a soft hissing noise and turned around to find Mike propped against the wall. Erwin offered him a smile and a nod, and Mike gestured him over.    
“Hey,” Mike said, his voice pitched low. “Where were you?”

“Visiting family,” Erwin replied breezily, but Mike hardly seemed satisfied. 

“You wont have orders to leave for at least a few weeks.”

Erwin snorted lightly. “And I have to wait until I’m leaving to visit family?”

Mike leaned down then, inhaling sharply around Erwin’s neck. Erwin shied away, but it was too late; Mike was already smirking. _God damn you_ , Erwin thought to himself as he cleared his throat. 

“You’re up to something, Smith,” he said simply. “You think you’re in danger. And if I know you…you’ve got a damn good reason to be concerned.”

“I’m sorry, Mike, but it’s honestly none of your business.”

It wasn’t that Erwin didn’t like Mike, in fact, he was one of the only soldiers in Sina that Erwin had deemed consistently reliable. But this was too delicate and too important to entrust to anyone else. 

“I need…to play this hand close to the chest.”

Mike stared at him for a moment, his night-darkened eyes searching Erwin for something he simply wasn’t going to provide. After a few moments of tense silence, Mike shrugged and nodded toward the barracks. “I’ll walk you back,” he said simply, and Erwin couldn’t find it in himself to refuse the offer. 

As they walked, Mike said, “Remember that boy from the party?” 

“Hmm?” 

“The little one…pale, black hair, beautiful dancer. They hired him for Wexler’s promotion party. Remember?”

“Sure, I guess,” Erwin replied, nonchalant. “That was awhile ago.”

“Not long enough,” Mike replied, equally nonchalant. He sounded conversational. Erwin knew that he was not.

“Mike, cut the bullshit. Long enough for what?”

“For me to forget his scent. It’s very particular. Anyway, when you came back a few weeks ago…you were covered in it.”

Erwin sighed. “Yes? And? I was his bodyguard while I was at the Crimson House. It’s only natural that I would have his scent on me, I stayed in the spare room of his apartment.”

“There’s something else.”

Erwin was quiet for a few moments as they walked, mindful of the space around them, but they appeared to be alone. Finally, he stopped and turned to face Mike, who looked at him with that understated curiosity that he seemed to have mastered so thoroughly. 

“You’re up to something, and you don’t want anyone to know. You’re hobnobbing with your father, a man that you despise. You came home covered in his scent and you…grieved.”

“Grieved?”

“Grief has a very specific scent.”

“Ah.”

“Erwin, do you know what you’re doing?” 

They stared at one another for a moment, and for just a moment Erwin considered it…considered telling him, considered involving him, considered getting all of the events of the past few months off of his chest, considered recruiting him in his game of intrigue, deception, and strategy. But as he looked at Mike standing there, genuine concern etched into the muscles of his face, his entire person screaming of an earnest goodness that was so rarely seen in human beings, Erwin found his throat closing up almost involuntarily. He cleared his throat and shook his head. 

“I can’t tell you. Not now. Not yet.”

“When?”

“When I win.”

They stared at one another for a moment longer before Mike nodded, turned, and began walking back toward the barracks. Erwin fell into step behind him, but the conversation was over. They arrived at the barracks, nodded to one another briefly, and went their separate ways. 

***

It took a few days to parse through what his next step would be. His first thought was to approach the help, just as he had when trying to learn Levi’s tale. It soon became clear, however, that his father hadn’t been leading him astray regarding the secretive nature of The Minister’s estate. Erwin remembered the two women who’d brought Levi, bruised and bleeding, to the door of the house, and realized that the staff must have been essentially tried by fire. Though he put out a few very, very discrete lines of inquiry, he kept getting more or less the same answer: _Leave it alone_.

For better or worse, he had absolutely no plans to heed the warnings. It had been well over a month since he’d seen Levi, now, which had to mean that there was a chance he would be seeing The Minister again soon. Erwin’s goal was to have this entire scheme completed before that happened. The mental images of the damage that monster had inflicted on Levi’s body were unbearable, and he would do whatever was in his power to keep Levi from being in that position again. Thus, he needed to get creative. The revelation of his father’s relationship to The Minister had given him an idea for how to leverage the wealth that he had, but he couldn’t risk trying to pull off the plan until he had a solid contingency. In order to procure such a contingency, he had to find a weakness. Based on the stories he’d heard so far, Erwin felt as though he might have found just the thing.

The Minister’s son was named Harry, and he was every bit the obnoxious, bratty monster that anyone would have expected. Erwin sat in a shadowy corner of the bar, his Survey Corps hood hiding his face, slowly nursing the beer that sat before him. His clear blue eyes were fixed precisely on the Head Captain of the Military Police as he drank more and more, as his nose and cheeks went flushed, as his voice got louder and his movements more erratic, as he got bolder and bolder about grasping at his server’s ass. Harry might have been a decent looking fellow, except that his eyes seemed perpetually bloodshot and a bit yellowed, his skin was sallow and dull, his dirty blond hair seemed to be the texture and color of used straw and his entire body had the general appearance of something that had at one point been impressive, but had since fallen into disrepair. He bought round after round after round, first for his MP cronies and then for all of the tables around them. When Erwin could physically see him slurring, he stood, pushed his way out through the back, lowered his hood as he walked around to the front, and walked back in. 

With a large, sparkling grin, he pulled an unused chair from a table and pushed it into the space directly across from Harry. 

“Harry! God, it’s been ages! I never expected to see you here.”

Harry regarded him with suspicion for a moment before Erwin went on, “Come on, don’t tell me you don’t remember? We used to rouse such a terror at the duchess’ parties…” 

A slow, cruel smile curled over Harry’s face and he nodded vigorously, “Yeah! Vincent, god, fuck, you join the fuckin’ Survey Corps? Shit, man. You used to be so fuckin’ fat I…” he broke down into giggles then, laughing so hard he started retching before he managed to get himself under control again. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and grinned. “Wow, fuckin’ Vincent, fuck, come here, talk to me! What’re you….some kind of fuckin’….officer now?” 

“How times change,” Erwin replied with a smile. Harry nodded vigorously. “Yeah, I scored top…fuckin’ marks, ya know, so they made me an officer.” He belched loudly and his friends started laughing. “Millitary Police, a helluva lot more ‘portan that wha you shits get up to, heh heh.”

Erwin laughed and nodded, putting one arm on the table and leaning over in a conspiring sort of way. “God damn right. Out on Maria there’s not a lot to do. Except drink and…well.” He leaned back then and flashed another smile, a brow raised to the men around the table. Harry lifted his glass to that with a nod, and broke out into a ridiculous, cawing laugh. 

“I’ll bet the pussy’s great out there, isn’t it?”

“The best,” Erwin confirmed, and Harry started guffawing again. 

“God, Vince! Let’s drink!” And then Harry was shouting for another round, and everyone was bumping their mugs together in some semblance of a toast, and then they were all drinking, Erwin laughing along and making up stories, sure that he remembered this Vince kid (who really had been fat, a remarkable feat inside the walls and one saved exclusively for the nobility) and more or less able to let Harry fill in the details when he couldn’t think of any more. 

Erwin had assumed that Harry was nearly completely drunk by the time he “arrived,” unfortunately, Harry appeared to be accustomed to drinking a fair amount more than Erwin had anticipated. He’d had to suck down three mugs of disgusting brown ale by the time Harry was falling from his seat and the bartender was threatening to kick them all into the street. Erwin, playing at being far more drunk than he was, slurred out an offer to help him home, and Harry agreed. They walked home, or stumbled, rather, Harry mumbling on about various members of the elite and the military police as Erwin snorted and grunted and vaguely agreed with everything that he said. Eventually, they made to the building that housed Harry’s apartment, and Erwin was forced to half-carry the man as he tried to start a rousing round of drinking songs. Someone from another apartment started yelling, and as Harry made an attempt to locate the key that unlocked his door, Erwin was forced to endure what seemed to be a nightly screaming match between Harry the the neighbor below him. 

They made it inside, and Erwin asked to use the bathroom, pretended he’d lost his own keys, and then wobbled over to the couch and crashed down onto it. Harry protested at first, but Erwin ignored him, and eventually he muttered, “You better be gone by the time I get up, asshole,” and stumbled off to bed. Erwin waited until he heard deep, reverberating snores from the room down the hall before he rose from the couch, using the moonlight to find a lamp and light it. As quietly as possible, he began to search for Harry’s records, paperwork, anything damning. Anything that could be used as leverage.

The loud snores from the other room continued on, and Erwin was grateful for them as he rummaged through drawers. shuffled through papers, and looked desperately for something, _anything_ that would suit his purposes. He had imagined that The Minister would have something of a blind spot when it came to his horrific son, that he would be grooming him for a life of elite prestige, but after rummaging through every drawer and paper he could find, Erwin was coming up with nothing more than Military Police ledgers and assignments, none of which were any use to him at all. Clearly, Harry wasn’t operating as an active member of his father’s estate or council in any meaningful way at all. Erwin had no choice, really, but to assume that The Minister was just as formidable an opponent as everyone had suggested. No one who knew him would discuss anything beyond the most basic of matters, even his son, when drunk, wouldn’t speak of him, and everything about him was tightly monitored and regulated. 

All that Erwin knew about him with any certainty was his position in the Wall Cult, the extent of his sadism and cruelty, and his vague, ongoing rivalry with Erwin’s father. His position was of no use as leverage, only, perhaps, as a warning to Erwin that he was playing with fire. His cruelty, though shocking, was hardly anything to use as leverage…at best, there would be a brief scandal and the proper people would be paid off. The more likely outcome was that his followers would gather round, close ranks, and Erwin would be vilified and smeared, if not outright assassinated. The ongoing rivalry was his only option, then, and in that rivalry, he had only himself to use as leverage. It was not, strictly speaking, an ideal situation, but it was one that he could work with. Whether The Minister would acquiesce or not was still a very, very large question, and Erwin was beginning to lose hope that he would be able to secure his answer before he entered negotiations. If he didn’t have the proper leverage for his bargain, he could very easily end up on the raw end of the deal, and if he failed, it could pose a significant risk to Levi. It would be impossible to negotiate without revealing that Levi meant something to him, and if The Minister knew that, he could easily hurt Levi just to taunt Erwin.

The thought terrified him. He was quite positive that The Minister would not give him a second chance to be heard, either. It was going to be all or nothing, and he couldn’t accept losing as an option. The stakes were far too high. 

The sun was coming up by the time he’d sorted through every paper he could find in the apartment, and still, Harry slept. Erwin decided to take the pleasure of relieving himself into the thick, plush rug that covered most of Harry’s living room, sighing happily as he did so. It was the least he could do, truly, after all of Harry’s generous hospitality.

He made his way through the streets of Sina, watching as the stall-keepers set out their wares and readied themselves for the day. He was at another dead end, and he could feel his time running short. 

***

_He’s just another titan, Levi._

_Every titan has a weak spot._

_He’s just another titan._

A week had passed since Erwin had rummaged through Harry’s files, and though he had put the entirety of his formidable mind to the task, he’d made no headway at all. His resolve had not changed, but his concern for Levi was growing. He would be seeing The Minister any day now, and if he was hurt that way again, Erwin knew that he would consider his own personal failure. He needed time, more time, time to talk to the right people, to make inroads, he needed a way to learn whatever it was that The Minister kept secret from the world and he could do it, he was sure, but it would take time. He couldn’t singlehandedly destroy the man’s reputation, but if he could sufficiently harm it, he would have the leverage that he needed. 

It was the same cycle of thoughts that he had been repeating over and over in his mind. A small, husky voice in the back of his mind murmured “ _You can’t save me, old man,_ ” and Erwin had to stop for a moment and breathe because the pain that shot through his chest was visceral and searing in a way he would have thought would fade by now. He knew it was the same pain he’d felt his last day at the Crimson House, and instead of fading it was just getting more and more concentrated, shifting between the pit of his stomach and his heart, and always strongest right after he heard Levi’s voice in his head. 

“When I rescue you,” he murmured quietly to himself, “I’m going to give you hell for doing this to me.”

But it wasn’t true. 

The only thing that captivated Erwin’s thoughts as much as how to rescue Levi was what would happen afterwards. Perhaps Levi would join the Survey Corps with him. Perhaps he wouldn’t, but he would accompany Erwin out to Maria, perhaps Erwin would get them a house, something small and cozy that Levi could keep clean. Maybe he could even try to find a large tub. They wouldn’t have a system like the one in Crimson House, Erwin knew that, but he could warm the water up on a woodstove and pour it in, and Levi could stay there soaking until the water went cold just as he liked to do. They could discuss battle strategies over dinner, and Erwin would explain things to Levi about titans and horses and rations and 3DMG and Levi would be perfect, suggesting things Erwin might not have considered in his sarcastic drawl and rolling his eyes when Erwin told him he was brilliant. 

He considered other things as well, the fantasy he’d woven for Levi on the terrace that last night, the taste and smell and feel of him, the way that he moved and felt so small and lithe and perfect under Erwin’s hands. But there was no time for those considerations now; he had to come up with a plan, something workable. Perhaps he needed to pay another visit to Roderich…

His thoughts were interrupted by Mike, his broad hands clapping down on Erwin’s shoulders all at once as Erwin started and stared up into his hazel eyes with surprise. “Mike,” he started, but it dawned on him that something was wrong, something was very, very wrong. Mike was slicked down with sweat, breathing heavily, his big shoulders heaving as his mouth opened and closed. “Wait, Mike, breathe…what’s going on? What’s the matter?”

“Ha-…Hanged, Erwin,” he gasped out, and Erwin tilted his head to the side in confusion. “What are you talking about? Who?”

“Him, haaa, the li-….the little one, Crimson, Erwin, haaa, in an…hour, hanged.”

At first he was confused, but the look in Mike’s eyes confirmed what Erwin didn’t seem to be able to process, and after a moment of incredulous sputtering, he felt the world go white, felt his knees give out, felt Mike catch him and lift him back up.

“No, Erwin, _Erwin_ , you still…have time…town sqare, go now, go, _go_.”

Without pausing to think, Erwin took off down the road, running as fast as he could. As he ran past the mess hall, he spied a horse tied up in front of the building. Without stopping to ask permission or seek it’s owner, he tightened the saddle up, swung onto the horse’s back, and dug his heels into it’s side.


	16. The Minister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _They’ll kill you. Levi, they will kill you_.
> 
> His own words, and they felt like a god damned mockery at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello as promised, here it is!!! <3 I really hope that you guys enjoy this chapter. Its one of my favorites for several reasons. 
> 
> Enjoy!!

Erwin’s mind had never moved so fast. As the horse’s hooves pounded against the packed dirt road, he considered his options, wondered why Levi was slated to be executed, and with a sickening sense of dread, realized that it might have something to do with the takedown he had taught him. 

_They’ll kill you. Levi, they will kill you_.

His own words, and they felt like a god damned mockery at this point. The horse’s hooves struck cobblestone and Erwin was in the city, thundering through the narrow streets without waiting for people to get out of his way, aware of shouts that followed him but ultimately uncaring. No matter what happened, no matter _why_ Levi was slated for execution, he had to get more time. Time to maneuver, time to negotiate, time to _save him_. If he could convince the judge to put him under Erwin’s care, to relegate him to the Survey Corps, if he could convince them that it was a death sentence either way, that they wouldn’t even really be making a concession, he might be able to pull it off. Might. It depended entirely on what Levi had done. 

Erwin thought to himself that if Levi had killed a noble, there would be no hope for any of them. He didn’t know what he would do if that happened, but there was no sense in focusing on it; he had to focus on what he could do, how he could buy some precious time, how he could negotiate something, _anything_ to save Levi’s life. 

He tore through the streets and arrived at the square all at once, pulling back on the reins so hard that his horse nearly threw him. He hopped down and looked around, his eyes finding Levi immediately. In that moment, he felt his heart drop into his stomach. Levi was in the stocks, his face filthy with blood and dirt, his head hanging down, hair matted. He barely looked alive at all, and he wasn’t even stirring. A crowd was gathering around him, and Erwin realized that he had no time to wait, no time to spare for the nausea that threatened to burble up his throat or the question of where the blood had come from. 

“Step _back_ ,” he commanded the crowd in his most authoritative tone, sure to offer cold looks to anyone who turned to look at him. The crowd scattered before him and he kneeled down before Levi, pushing a blood-matted lock of hair from his face to find himself staring at blackened, swollen eyes.

In a very small, very quiet voice, Levi murmured, “Hey, fuckface.” 

Erwin wanted to sob, but he clenched his jaw instead. “Who?”

“Whodya…think?”

“The Minister?”

“Yeah.”  
“Is he dead?”

“Nah. Shoulda. I’dda done i’, too, if I’ known…I was gon’ die anyway.”

“ _Levi_.”

“Ya don’ wanna see it, old man. You’ll die too…soon ‘nuff. Jus’…see ya there, kay?”

“ _No_.”

“Is’okay,” Levi murmured, grimacing. 

“I have a plan.” Erwin said, his voice thick, steely, determined. “You’re not going to die, Levi. Stay strong. Stay strong for me.”

And with that he stood, nodding to a man gawking at him. “Hey, keep him clear, will you? I don’t want a crowd, and I don’t want anyone touching him, got it?” He tossed the man a thick gold coin, and the man nodded, greedy and a bit dumbstruck. “Do a good job and I’ll have another for you later.” Erwin nodded at him, grabbed his horse’s reins, and swung up into the saddle. He took one last look at Levi, his small, slender form slumped against the stocks, and kicked his horse into action.

*** 

Luckily, the administration building that housed Maur’s office wasn’t very far away at all. Erwin arrived in a huff, tied his horse to the post in front, found her office door and pushed his way through without knocking. It was immediately clear that he’d interrupted something important; Maur was behind her desk smoking her pipe, speaking in a low voice to two other Generals that Erwin recognized, but only vaguely. Erwin pulled his arms into a salute as Maur stared at him, open mouthed. 

“Smith, what the hell? You don’t have an appointment.”

“Sir, I need to speak with you alone.”

“Smith, do you not underst-…”

“General, sir, it’s life and death.”

“Well so is this, Smith, so you’re going to have to wait.”

“Sir,” Erwin said, fixing his icy blue stare directly on her own. “It’s for Johanna.”

Maur looked at him then in silence, staring as though he’d just stuck a knife into her guts and started to twist it. 

“ _Please_ ,” he said, with something in his tone that could have been desperation, could have been fear. 

Finally, she nodded, cleared her throat, and frowned. “Gentlemen, please excuse us.” 

A moment later they were in the hall, and Maur was giving him one of the angriest looks he’d ever been on the receiving end of. Erwin held up his hands in a placating gesture and began to speak very softly, mindful of being heard. 

“Do you know which Crimson your assignment stuck me with?”

“Levi.”

“He’s going to be executed in half an hour.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story, I can’t go into it, I need you to get a stay of execution.”

“For how long?”

“Until tomorrow, preferably.”

“How the hell do you expect me to do that?”

“You’re a General, Maur, make something up.”

Her face went sour and for a moment, she looked like she was going to slap him. “Erwin, do you have any idea what you’re doing? What you’re risking? What _I_ would be risking?”

“Maur, I love him.”

She was silent for a moment, her eyes searching his as though she could pull the information straight from them. He could see her indecision, could see the scale balancing, almost tipping one way, and then another. 

“Sir, please. My mother said I could come to you in a time of desperate need. She said she wished she could have passed you off as the one who fathered me instead of Roderich. I’ll never ask another favor, but this. _Please_. For Johanna.”

Invoking his mother’s name appeared to have the desired effect, and Maur swallowed thickly, slowly, and nodded. “I can’t make any promises, Erwin.”

“I know that.”

“I’ll do what I can.”

Erwin grasped her hands in his own, squeezing them tightly, and then changed his mind and pulled her into a crushing hug. Maur went rigid, then a moment later, patted him lightly on the back. He let go, grasped her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “Thank you. He literally means the world to me.”

“Alright,” She said, pulling away from him. “I’m still your superior officer and I haven’t saved him yet. By my estimation I’ve got 25 minutes, so you had better let go.”

“Go,” Erwin agreed, walking toward the door with long strides. “I should return by this evening.”

“Where will you be?”

Erwin turned back, catching her eyes one last time as she pulled on her highly-decorated coat and bolo tie. “The estate of the Head Priest of the Wall Cult.”

***

He was familiar enough with the elite section of upper Sina that he didn’t really need to ask directions. Erwin’s horse protested at the punishing paces it was being put through, but he rubbed her neck and promised her it wouldn’t be much longer. Though he kept his breakneck pace most of the way to The Minister’s estate, he slowed down just before they reached the front gates. Erwin pushed his hair back into order and took a few deep breaths. It was very, very important that he play this game as calmly as possible, that he give away nothing if he could help it. His stomach felt leaden, his throat thick, but he just focused on breathing, clearing his mind, and thinking over all of the details that he had already learned. 

It was okay. He had a plan. He’d only been putting it off to try and secure leverage, after all. When Levi was a cash-cow, bringing in unbelievable amounts of money, the prospect of being able to buy out his contract was dim. Now, he was as good as dead, and wouldn’t be bringing any more profit…in a way, he’d become the leverage that Erwin hadn’t been able to find on his own. The only question that remained unanswered was whether or not The Minister’s pride was wounded too much to allow him to live. There was no way for Erwin to know without speaking to him, not when his time was so short. After everything, he was entering negotiations half-blind. 

As he rode, the words he had been told about The Minister flowed before him accompanied by images of Levi’s blackened eyes and his blood-matted hair, and Erwin felt a surge of rage and hatred so strong that, for a moment, he could barely breathe. Once he’d composed himself again, he walked his horse up in front of the house, tied her reins to a post, and rapped with the smart brass door-knocker exactly three times. 

He waited patiently, his eyes catching on a path that curled around the back of the house, a path which he had seen only in the moonlight and once before, a path he’d followed until he found a quiet copse of trees. Erwin thought about the man he’d been, then, and how much he’d changed since. Before the events of that evening, he never would have imagined himself here, ready to bargain for a man’s life with all that he had…perhaps once this was all over, he would have time to reflect on the change. 

The heavy, dark wood door swung open with a creak and a sigh, and Erwin found his gaze falling down to a petite, severe woman. She was dressed in the black suit of a butler, her hair short, dark and slicked back over her head, her skin a burnished bronze. Her brows were thin and long, and one of them was arching as her eyes travelled up his frame and back down again. Erwin was reminded of B, somehow, though they looked nothing alike. They had the same air about them: sharp, intimidating, and absolutely in charge. 

“Good afternoon,” he said, flashing her a smile. She was quite clearly unimpressed.

“Do you have an appointment?” She asked in a short, clipped accent.

“No,” Erwin replied truthfully, and then leaned forward just a bit. “But I’m quite sure he’s expecting me.”

“Are you?” she shot back, clearly ready to correct his assumption. But just as she opened her mouth to speak, a clear, deep voice rang out behind her. 

“He’s right.”

The woman turned to look behind her for a moment, then turned back to Erwin, gave him another once over, and swung the door open to him. Erwin offered her a nod and stepped through, his eyes almost instantly meeting those of The Minister.

Where Harry had been sloppy, sallow, and ruined, his father was impeccably put together and lean, with skin that bore the pallor of the elite. His eyes were dark, sharp, his hair a close-cropped, salt and pepper grey. He felt formidable in a way that Erwin couldn’t put his finger on, and as his eyes travelled up and down the length of Erwin, he couldn’t help feeling like some sort of animal being sized up for slaughter. It was deeply unsettling, but Erwin assured himself that it was nothing beyond nerves. He knew too much about this man not to be at least a bit unsettled by his presence.

Even in the dim, natural light of the entry, Erwin could see two faint bruises on The Ministers neck. Two faint bruises. He thought of Levi’s injuries and was forced to make an enormous effort not to let his rage cloud his features. Instead, he kept a vaguely pleasant smile as he offered his hand. “Father,” he offered by way of greeting. 

“Captain Erwin Smith,” The Minister replied, his voice full of a false kind of warmth that made Erwin’s skin crawl. “Please, follow me.” He turned and began to walk, and Erwin fell into step behind him as he added, “Mathilde, please bring tea and a snack to the sitting room. Captain Smith has had quite the eventful morning.”

Erwin didn’t ask how he knew, didn’t express surprise at all, in fact. The Minister seemed to be the type of man who enjoyed shocking others by pretending to have omniscient knowledge. Erwin had no intention of being taken in; he would privately assume that the Minister knew everything, and act as though he knew nothing. He followed along after The Minister, walking down an expansive, high-ceilinged hall with a large number of doors. Eventually, they came to a set of heavy doors with beautifully crafted panels of stained glass set into them. The Minister opened them wide and gestured Erwin into a gorgeous room with a high domed ceiling and huge windows. Books of all sorts covered shelves that extended from the floor to the ceiling with long ladders on runners to facilitate them. The room was full of statues, busts, and beautiful artworks, an enormous piano taking up one corner. Erwin realized, of course, that most of these items would absolutely be banned and destroyed by the church. It was a room full of heresy.

 

The Minister gestured him over to two large, plush chairs that faced one another, a low table between them. Erwin nodded and took a seat, leaning back in the chair and making himself comfortable, acting as though he were in the home of a trusted friend and not evil itself. The Minister took the chair opposite him and met his gaze. Erwin stretched his arms out until he found the armrests of the chair, casually crossing his legs so that his ankle was resting on his knee, and let his eyes fix on that dark gaze. Then he smiled.

“Father, there’s a man you’ve sent to the gallows, but I’ve got other ideas for how to use him. Give him to the Survey Corps. He’ll be off your hands and most likely dead before the year’s out.”

“I wasn’t aware that they Survey Corps was taking it’s stock from the gallows these days.” The Minister replied, smirking. “Fitting as it is, it seems almost needlessly cruel to let a man extend his life in theory before subjecting him to the horror of the titans.”

Erwin could think of a thousand things he would love to say about the phrase “needlessly cruel” coming from this man’s mouth, but he simply shrugged. “Recruitment is down.”

The Minister smiled for a moment, a smile that seemed almost sad, and felt distinctly nefarious. Mathilde entered then, setting before them a tea service and a plate of small, delicately cut sandwiches. She poured them each a cup, nodded, and walked out. Erwin leaned forward, added a cube of sugar and a splash of cream to his tea, then stirred it as he spoke. “It’s difficult finding recruits, but we’ve found that those who feel they’re getting a second chance at life fight harder and live longer. I was told that this particular prisoner had a connection to you, and I didn’t want to step on any toes.”

“Captain,” the Minister started, taking his own cup of tea and stirring it lazily. “May I tell you something?”

“I’m all ears,” Erwin offered, popping one of the sandwiches into his mouth and chewing as The Minister began.

“Levi has been in my employ for six years now. How many men do you suppose he’s fucked?”

Erwin swallowed his sandwich and tilted his head, “A fair number, I’d presume.”

“A fair number, yes. And I wonder, while they fucked him, how many of those men promised him the world? Told him that they loved him? How many men to you suppose sunk various appendages into his tight holes while they shouted their devotion? How many times have they pumped their seed down his delicate little throat while they told him that no one else could be as good?”

Erwin knew he was being played, he could feel the whole game from where he sat, and he knew that The Minister knew that as well, and it was everything he could do to quell the rage in his gut and smile. “If I had to guess, I’d say…quite a few.”

“Yes, quite a few, indeed. And how many of those men do you see, here, trying to save that little cunt from the gallows?”

“I think we both know the answer to that, Father,” Erwin scoffed. He set his teacup in its saucer, concentrating with every fiber of his being on not shaking with rage, not frowning, not giving himself away.

“Of course I do, Captain Smith. But I’d still like to hear you say it.”

Erwin met his gaze with pure ice then, his relaxed pretense still governing his body but failing to reach his eyes. “None, Father.” 

“Exactly,” The Minister replied, sipping at his tea. “None of them. Because everyone loves a whore on the clock, but no one, _no one_ gives a shit when they aren’t invested. And if my ledgers are correct, which they are, you’ve never invested a cent in Levi.”

Erwin raised a brow and waited.

“Which means, of course, you’ve invested something else. You could try to sell me on the idea that you’re lascivious and just trying to get a cheap whore, but if that were true, you wouldn’t have been maneuvering about for the last few weeks trying to discover my weaknesses. I would have saved you time and told you that you wouldn’t possibly find them, but it so cute to watch. You even paid your dear daddy a visit.” The Minister smiled and shook his head, continuing with, “Ah, but I’m such a sucker for a heartwarming reunion.”

“And then Levi comes to our appointment with some grand scheme to escape, and here we are. What unexpected fortune, Erwin, that the whore you couldn’t afford is now quite simply worthless. You never could have bargained, otherwise. So now you’ve arrived on my estate, spewing nonsense about taking recruits from the gallows and clearly expecting me to sign him over to you for nothing. Well, Captain, that’s hardly going to be the case.” He leaned forward then, his eyes fixed on Erwin, and with absolute smugness he added, “You’re going to have to _try harder_ , Erwin.”

Erwin hadn’t moved throughout his speech, hadn’t broken eye contact, hadn’t done anything but stare at him with utter neutrality. As his speech ended Erwin sat back in the chair, assuming his same relaxed pose from earlier, and smirked. He wasn’t going to offer The Minister the satisfaction of seeing him “caught,” wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of a shocked reaction. Instead he simply said, “You know what you want, so how about you cut the bullshit and tell me.”

“Impatient, are we?”

“I guess I’m just not in the mood for pissing contests.”

“Give me Roderich.”

The request hardly came as a surprise. “How so?”

“You’re his sole heir. Have a bout of religious fervor and sign your inheritance over to the church.”

“And you’ll recommend to the judge that Levi is remanded to the Survey Corps under my care?”

“You have the right of it, Captain.”

Erwin hadn’t bothered with a bargain because he had known that it was an unnecessary formality. He had known that his money was meaningless to The Minister, but Roderich’s utter humiliation was priceless. Of course he had fantasized about covertly murdering The Minister, of destroying his reputation, of ruining his image and having him excommunicated by the church and banished by the crown, of feeding him to titans from the outer walls of Maria…but in the end they both knew that he held the upper hand in these negotiations. Erwin was offering him something that he wanted, but could live without. Levi’s life was far more precious to Erwin than Roderich’s destruction was to The Minister. Erwin had no choice but to acquiesce. 

“I’ll make my donation as soon as Levi is pardoned and in my care.”

A wide smile broke across The Minister’s face. “Smart man. I’ll meet you in the judge’s chambers this evening.”

They rose, shook hands, and started toward the doors. As Erwin made his way out, The Minister stopped and turned to him. “Levi’s been quite the valuable asset,” he said, smirking. “But even I never expected that a turned-out whore could fetch such a price.”

Erwin wanted to break his neck, rip his throat out with bare hands, smash every part of his smirking face, rip off his fingernails, in whatever order kept him alive and miserable longest. Instead, he offered him a nod and walked out the front door, not trusting himself to speak.


	17. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Captain Erwin Smith, do you find these terms of Levi’s release agreeable?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!! So this is the last official chapter of Gilded. I'm going to miss this story so much, but there's more to come. School is back in session now so writing will be slower, but I am working on a mob AU one-shot and contemplating my next multi-chapter work. Stay tuned :)

As he rode back into Sina proper, Erwin’s features were carved from stone. As his horse made its way down the winding cobblestone of the city streets, he was stiff, unyielding. It wasn’t until he found himself at a quiet alleyway that he finally stopped his horse, jumped down, and sunk into a crouch next to the wall. He was shaking, head to toe, his entire form overcome with some palpable mix of rage, relief, and wonder. He’d disinherited himself, but Levi was safe. Levi was _safe_. Erwin buried his face in his hands, and there in the alley, alone, silent, he wept.

Eventually, the shaking subsided, his tears dried, and after rubbing his sleeve over his face to remove any tear-tracks, he climbed back atop his horse and continued on to the town square. When he arrived, the stocks were empty, the crowd gone, and only one man remained; the one he’d paid to watch over Levi. The man was leaning against the stocks lazily, but when Erwin jumped down from his horse he started and then smiled. “I knew you’d come back,” he said with a yawn. “I did as you asked, sir.”

“My thanks,” Erwin replied with a nod, reaching into his pocket for another gold piece. It struck him then that his money was incredibly limited now, but he pushed the thought away. The Survey Corps paid him a stipend and took care of his material needs. He would be fine. He held the gold coin in his hand, turned it over, and looked up at the man. “What happened, exactly?”   
“Oh, some General came out with a jailer. They took him away, but I never let anyone else touch him, sir, promise.”

Erwin nodded and tossed him the coin. He had known that Maur had succeeded by the way that The Minister bargained with him. He’d played the whole thing, one way or another, and Erwin had played right into his plan, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. If he was a fool for throwing away everything that he owned for Levi’s life, then so be it. That life mattered so much more to him than his father’s wealth, and certainly more than his father’s happiness. Somehow, in just a few months, that life had come to mean more to him than just about anything.  
He wanted to see Levi now, but the afternoon was growing short and he had too many arrangements to make. Levi would need care after being released; the barracks could wait for him. 

Satisfied, Erwin swung back onto his horse and rode away. He had much to accomplish and little time with which to do it, but Levi was safe. He was _safe_.

***

Erwin arrived at the judges chambers first and stood waiting in the hall, leaning up against the wall beneath a lantern. It was dark; The Minister had insisted on the cover of darkness and the judge had insisted on eating his dinner first, and Erwin had been pacing the courthouse halls for over an hour now. The arrangements were made, he had only to sign the necessary documents and Levi would be remanded into his care. He’d used the personal money that he’d saved to pay the doctor to wait up for them, to secure Levi’s room in a local inn so that he could rest until he was better without the distractions of the barracks. He had spoken to his superiors about bringing Levi in, had sworn that he would train him himself, and had secured the necessary permissions to do so. Levi was to report for duty in seven days. Erwin hoped fervently that he didn’t have any broken bones. 

He’d arranged for Levi’s food at the inn, had arranged for some clothes that would do until he’d gotten himself a uniform…Erwin had spent the entire day arranging, trying to chase away the anxieties in his gut with order and candor. Even so, he felt the weight of his fears in his belly, and they were not, truth be told, irrational. He would uphold his end of the bargain, but he could not be sure that The Minister would uphold his. Logically, it didn’t make sense for him to rescind his offer; Erwin had nothing more to bargain with, and Levi’s life was meaningless and worthless to The Minister now. However, it wasn’t unbelievable that he would snatch the offer away and have Levi hanged anyway out of spite. Erwin told himself again and again that this would not happen, but his self-reassurance only went so far. 

At last, the heavy footfalls of the Minister echoed off the walls, and he swept past Erwin and rapped on the judge’s chamber doors. The door opened to him, and he practically strutted through, and of course, Erwin followed behind him. The judge closed the door behind himself and gestured to two chairs sitting before his desk. Erwin waited for The Minister to seat himself and took the other chair as the judge made his way behind his desk. The judge’s chambers were cozy; the shelves were covered with books of law, a fireplace crackling away to one side, thick stacks of paper covering his dark wood desk. The judge sat and looked at Erwin. 

“Captain Erwin Smith, Your Honor,” he said, realizing he’d not properly introduced himself. 

“Yes, Captain, I know you by reputation, at least. Good evening to you, and to you, Father.”

“Your Honor,” The Minister offered with a small, warm smile. 

“Alright, gentlemen, let’s begin.” Erwin and The Minister both nodded.

“I have before me two decrees. One pardons and releases the prisoner known as Levi, and allows for his continued freedom if and only if he joins the Survey Corps and remains a member until the time of his death or until he is no longer physically capable of fighting. He will be remanded to the care of one Captain Erwin Smith, who will take full responsibility for all of his own actions as well as those of Levi, and will consent to being treated as though Levi’s actions are his own in the event of any criminal activity, up to and including his own imprisonment or execution if Levi’s criminal activity should warrant such a harsh punishment. Captain Erwin Smith, do you find these terms of Levi’s release agreeable?” 

“I do so find them,” Erwin replied without a moment of hesitation.

“And do you, Father, find these terms agreeable?” the judge asked, turning to The Minister.

“I do so find them,” he replied, his gentle smile so forgiving, so kind that Erwin understood for a moment how his congregation was so fooled, so loyal.

“The second is a decree remitting your birthright, Erwin Smith, to the church, in it’s entirety and without a chance or possibility of future change to this arrangement. Your estate and all of your holdings will, upon your father, Roderich Smith’s passing, be remitted to the Church, specifically in the care of it’s Head Priest, to be used as he deems necessary. You will no longer have any access to the estate. Your future earnings are your own. Any heirs that you produce will also be barred from accessing the estate, and the estate from henceforth shall be entirely in the possession of the church. Captain Erwin Smith, do you find these terms agreeable?”

“I do so find them,” Erwin said again, his voice unwavering. 

“And do you, Father, find these terms agreeable, both to yourself and to the Church?”

“I do so find them, Your Honor.”

“Gentlemen, please read over the documents provided and then sign the necessary pages.”

Erwin, though feeling antsy and impatient, read every word of each contract. He could not and would not risk being taken advantage of by the contract, could not and would not risk The Minister posing a future threat to himself or Levi. Once he had satisfied himself that the judge’s summation of the contracts was accurate, he signed each. The Minister, apparently less concerned with specifics, signed them with hardly a glance. The judge took out his personal seal and wax, signing each document beneath the other two names before dribbling the wax over the paper and pressing the seal down into it. 

“Then it is so done,” he said with finality. “And now, I’d like to have my nightcap. Goodnight, gentlemen.” And the judge stood, walked over to the door, and let them both out. Erwin’s heart was racing, he felt light as air, like he could fly without wings or gear at all, but he kept his face stoic and his stride in check. He wasn’t going to reveal anything to The Minister at all. Even so, the older man caught up with him, falling into step beside him as they made their way down the hall. 

“This will destroy Roderich, you know,” he began, his voice having an edge of pity in it which Erwin knew was entirely for show. “He’ll never recover. I would say that he would disown you, but it seems you’ve disowned yourself.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” Erwin replied, continuing on down the hall. 

The Minister took Erwin’s elbow then and stopped him, turning him so that they were facing one another. He stared into his eyes then and Erwin stared back, his face blank and impassive. 

“My god,” The Minister said, a slow, sadistic grin curling over his features. “They say that the men of the Survey Corps have no hearts left after they swear themselves to the Wings. It seems that they are right. I can see, Erwin, that there’s no true heart left in you.”

“You’re right,” Erwin said, a small smile of his own pulling over his lips. “Roderich spent years making sure of that. Good night, Father.” And with that he turned and walked into the dim light of the hall. He heard The Minister turn, and listened as the echoes of his footsteps grew further and further away.

***

When Erwin arrived at the prison cell, Levi was laying on his back on the floor, shivering. The guard opened his cell door, and as the hinges squealed, Erwin saw Levi sit up with a start, then wince. “Who’s there?” he asked, shading his swollen eyes as the lamplight fell over him.

“Just some old man,” Erwin replied, a smile overtaking his lips. 

Levi was up in an instant, pushing right out of the cell and past the guard. He was barefoot, filthy, and terribly bruised, and even still he walked with his head held high and straight over to Erwin where he stopped, stared at him, and crossed his slender arms. They looked at one another then, the low light of the lamps painting them in gold and shadows. Levi frowned up at Erwin for a moment, and then let his head tilt to the side. Erwin let Levi search his eyes, examine his face for all that it had to offer him until finally, somehow, he was satisfied. 

“I’m free to go?” he finally asked.

“You’re free to come with me. I’ll explain on the way.”

“Where to?”

“The doctor. He’s waiting at an inn.”

“Who paid for this?”

“Just…come on, Levi. I have a lot to tell you.”

“Fine.” And with that he turned and began walking out of the jail, and Erwin followed just behind him. 

***

They didn’t speak much on the ride to the hotel; even at a slow pace, the jostling of being on horseback was almost too much for Levi. When they finally arrived, it was clear that his strength was flagging, and Erwin half-carried him up to the room at the inn. The doctor was there, waiting, and though he insisted Levi needed a bath and rest more than anything, he checked all of his injuries to ensure that nothing was broken or permanently damaged. While he performed his examination, Erwin brought pot after pot of water upstairs, working diligently until the entire tub was full. Finally, the doctor left some ointments and bandages with instructions on where and how to apply them, and took his leave. Inexplicably, Levi made Erwin turn around while he undressed, and then after wincing his way through trying to wash his hair, finally allowed Erwin to help him.

Working the soap up into a lather, rubbing it through Levi’s dark locks, slowly working out the knots and the blood and the grime made Erwin hurt in a way that he hadn’t expected. He’d not wanted this to happen to Levi again, and though it was clear that his injuries were far less serious than they had been last time, he still hated the idea that Levi been forced to see The Minister again at all. At the same time, performing those specific actions that he had during that week, taking care of Levi…there was a sweetness to it. And as he gently rubbed the lather and rinsed away the filth, he felt something blooming in his chest that almost had him gasping. He had to focus, had to concentrate to keep from betraying himself. 

“So,” he finally started as Levi relaxed into the washtub, knees drawn up so that his small form would fit inside it. “I’m assuming your attempt to escape was…thwarted.” 

Levi groaned and rung a cloth out before placing it over his eyes, tipping his head back to allow the heat to work on his bruises. “I did it like we practiced but…I was already…he’d tied my hands. I couldn’t move as fast as I wanted to. His fucking cronies caught me and beat me, but he said he had an idea and sent me off to the stocks instead of killing me on the spot. It was my fuckin’ fault I just…I just waited too long.”

“Even if you hadn’t been caught then,” Erwin offered, “He wouldn’t have stopped until he did. By then it…it might have been too late.”

“For what?” Levi asked, the cloth still covering his eyes.

“For me to save you,” Erwin murmured softly. Levi lifted his head, then, pulled the cloth from his eyes and stared at Erwin. 

“I think it’s about time you told me how exactly you managed that,” he said, eyes fixed on Erwin. 

“I agree,” he replied, and then he was launching into the tale, explaining about Mike, about Roderich and his petty competition with The Minister, about Harry — though he had to take a break when Levi couldn’t stop laughing about the rug — and finally about the events of that long, long day. “And then…I came and got you,” he finished lamely, shrugging. 

Levi was looking at him strangely, searchingly, his eyes focused precisely on Erwin’s own, and Erwin didn’t dare to look away. 

“So…you betrayed your father and sold him out to that sack of shit…you gave away everything that you had…disinherited yourself…am I getting all of this right?”

“Yes,” Erwin replied simply.

“And now…I’m a soldier?” 

Erwin could feel the tension in the air, could feel his stomach clench, his heart race. He had done what he had to do, but Levi had not been able to be complicit in the planning or the execution. Now, whether he liked it or not, he was a soldier, and he and Erwin would be inextricably linked for the rest of their natural lives. All of the sudden, he felt shaky about his triumph. Though the judge had spelled out all of the rules, and though he had assented to them, Levi had not. Though he was no longer _owned_ in the way that he had been under The Minister, he still couldn’t claim to be _free_. Erwin felt like a fool for not recognizing it before, and felt suddenly almost panicked.

“I’m so sorry, Levi, I…you did harm to an elite, they classified you as a dangerous criminal, I had to agree to take personal responsibility for your actions, it was the only way. I wanted you to have a choice, Levi, I promise, but I had to work with what I had and-…”

“Hey, fuckwad, shut the fuck up for a fucking minute,” Levi said, and Erwin met his eyes and couldn’t believe the sight before him. Levi was looking straight at him with the only full, genuine smile that Erwin had ever seen on his lips, his hand extended. Erwin grasped it, and they were both wet from the bath but neither of them pulled away, they just looked at each other, just stared into one another’s eyes, the storm cloud and a the clear summer’s day. 

“Erwin,” Levi said, his voice unexpectedly rough, almost breaking, “ _Thank you_.” 

And then his grip on Erwin’s hand tightened, and he pulled him closer, his other hand twisting up into his hair as their lips met, and Erwin hadn’t expected the kiss but he was falling into it, the roar of his thoughts going blank and still all at once. Levi’s lips were soft and his mouth tasted sweet, and though it was he who had pulled Erwin to him, he hardly got a breath in before Erwin had ahold of his damp hair, before Erwin was slipping his tongue into Levi’s mouth, desperate for the taste and the feel of him. Levi’s lips opened to him in a moan, and Erwin felt alive, felt a sudden jolt of electricity surge through him from the place where their lips connected all the way to his toes. He was alive, Levi was _alive_ , Erwin had saved him, and though he knew that it would be right to assume that the kiss was some sort of “reward,” Levi’s passion made it clear that it was more, so much more than that. 

Their lips held all the promises that had been made in their last night at the Crimson House, Erwin nipping and sucking at the fullness of Levi’s lower lip as if you say _you’re mine, I did it and you’re mine_ and Levi doing nothing at all to discourage him, moaning softly and grasping at the cloth of Erwin’s shirt, right above his heart. Erwin could hear the blood rushing in his ears, could feel Levi’s wet, slender form, could feel his own heart beating faster and faster and faster, but the more he kissed Levi the more he needed, the more he wanted. 

Finally, he remembered himself and pulled away, his breath hitching in his throat, eyes stinging, cheeks burning. He opened his eyes slowly, and Levi was staring at him with a curious sort of half smile now, and Erwin stared back at him until the tension overtook him, and finally he busied himself with the towels as Levi pulled away from him, gingerly finishing his washing routine. Erwin forced himself to breathe deeply and will away the complex intersection of relief, arousal, and happiness that was proving so potent in his veins. Without another word, Levi was done, and he stepped out of the bath as Erwin handed him a towel without looking at him, naked and dripping. 

“You have the room for a week…then you’re supposed to report for training. I’ll be handling your training personally-…”

“I’ll bet,” Levi interjected smugly.

“And in a few weeks, we’ll head out to Wall Maria.”

“I’ve never been out of the city,” Levi mused, and then added, “You can turn around.” So Erwin did, finding Levi wrapped up in the plain white cotton robe that the inn had provided. 

“There’s a whole lot of nothing…the towns cluster around the walls, more or less, and between there’s a road or two, forests and plains…but the real beauty exists outside the walls.”

Levi swallowed. “How long till I’m out on expeditions?”

“Depends on how you do in training,” Erwin replied with a shrug. “Not too long though, I don’t think. The standard soldier gets three years, but I think I can have you trained in a few months.”

“Cocky…” Levi replied with a smirk. 

“You’re a natural. I can tell a natural when I see them,” Erwin replied, and Levi smiled. 

“So…for the next week, then?”

“You stay here, rest and heal. I’ll be attending to my duties on the base.”

“And what are you doing tonight?”

Erwin paused, looked at Levi, searched his gaze, but he couldn’t find anything sarcastic there, just a genuine, searching look. He smiled and ran his hand through his hair. 

“I’m…going back to the barracks, I suppose.”

“Why don’t you stay here?” Levi asked, and though Erwin would have expected his professional tone or a sultry look, when he searched Levi’s eyes he saw only a genuine question tinged with trepidation. He smiled despite himself. 

“Is that what you want, Levi?”

“Like I’d have fuckin’ asked if I didn’t. Come on, asswipe, yes or no?”

“Yes. Absolutely yes.”

“Good. I missed your gross snoring.”

“How do you know I snore?”

“I could hear you from my room, asshole.”

Erwin laughed then, long and loud despite the fact that his chest felt it might burst, despite the fact that the relief of the moment simply made him want to cry. 

***

The week passed, and every night Erwin rode to the inn, had dinner with Levi and checked his wounds, drew him a bath, washed his hair and body, waited for him to dry, and then curled around him in the narrow bed and kissed him until they both fell asleep. They slept like that, Erwin’s body dwarfing Levi’s by comparison, his arm beneath Levi’s head, breath blowing hot against Levi’s feather-soft hair. Levi had nightmares, tossing and turning in Erwin’s arms, but Erwin slept so soundly that it hardly mattered. They often woke holding one another. 

The first night, Erwin had hoped that they might go beyond their passionate kisses, but as his hand travelled down Levi caught his wrist, his breath catching in his throat. 

“I just need a little time,” he whispered, and Erwin was ashamed of himself for assuming any differently, so he just nodded and murmured that it was alright as his tongue sought the space between Levi’s lips. 

Erwin laughed when Levi re-cleaned the room after the maids left for the day, and Levi chastised him about his level of personal grooming, which Erwin already considered impeccable. Their conversation was easy, their smiles came round often, and on the seventh day, Erwin brought Levi a tailored trainee-uniform. Levi put it on dutifully while Erwin watched, and then he was done, Erwin nodded his approval. “It suits you,” he said, and Levi laughed sardonically and rolled his eyes. “You always say that,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, but you look particularly amazing,” Erwin murmured, smiling. “Are you ready?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?” Levi replied, his eyes snapping up to meet Erwin’s. 

“Not really, no, but…I think you’ll enjoy the Gear. It feels…like flying. It _is_ flying.”

Levi nodded, bit his lip, and set his jaw. 

“What, are you nervous?”

“Will they know who I am?” he asked, his eyes flicking up to Erwin’s own, and Erwin was surprised at the uncertainty he found there. “I mean…it’s not like I’m fucking…ashamed. But I don’t know how these assholes will react.”

“We can tell them anything you want,” Erwin replied gentle, reaching to run his hands down Levi’s cheek. 

“Like what?” Levi asked, scoffing.

“Well like…” Erwin began, and then he stopped and stared at Levi, trying to concoct a suitable story. Finally, he grinned, grasping Levi’s shoulders. “We’ll tell them that you’re a thug!”

“A thug?” Levi asked, incredulous. “You stupid piece of shit. Do any of these assholes actually buy your jumped-up bullshit?”

Erwin smirked, and Levi looked at him for a moment with a question in his eyes, and then smiled almost shyly. “Fine, fuckwad.”

With that settled, they prepared for bed, but that night, just as sleep was overtaking Erwin, Levi turned toward him and whispered a soft, “Thank you,” before pressing a gentle kiss to Erwin’s lips. Though Erwin was not a god-fearing man, he echoed the sentiment heavenward, just in case their was a higher power who heard the prayers of bastards like himself. It didn’t matter, though. Tomorrow he would return to the whims of man and the hopeless battles against the monsters they called “titans”. For tonight it was Levi, only Levi, _his_ Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The incredible [ghostb0nes](http://ghostb0nes.tumblr.com/post/80656247493/will-you-still-love-me-when-i-got-nothing-but-my) drew this lovely fanart...I'm so honored by all of the fanart that you guys made, it's incredible. For more, check out the tag on tumblr! Thank you, ghostb0nes!!! (image used with artist's permission!)
> 
>  


	18. Epilogue - A Brief Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Remember the fantasy I spun for you?” he asked, voice rough and low.
> 
> “Like I’ll ever forget it, shit head.”
> 
> “Good boy,” Erwin murmured, and then he was grasping Levi’s pale leg, pulling it straight, and biting into his thigh with intent. Levi gasped and curled a fist into his hair, yanking on it until Erwin growled and let go. 
> 
> “ _More,_ ” Levi breathed out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! I really hope that you guys enjoy this last segment. Here's some things you might be interested in:
> 
> \- There's so much lovely art in the Gilded by Night tag on tumblr, you should check it out!
> 
> \- If you haven't listened yet, I've made a mix for Gilded, you can find it right [here](http://8tracks.com/rivai-lution/steepled-fingers-ringleaders-a-gilded-by-night-mix). In addition, a wonderful reader made a mix of their own, which you can listen to [here](http://8tracks.com/kayluuuuh/gilded-by-night).
> 
> All of your comments and messages on tumblr have meant the world to me <3 thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope that you guys enjoy this final installment. I'm back in school now, so my writing is a bit slower (there's I reason I chose to wait on posting Gilded until i was out for winter break) but I hope that you guys will stay tuned. I've got several fics in the works that you might enjoy. 
> 
> My readers have been incredible, and your responses to the fic have been both humbling and inspiring. I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say thank you. 
> 
> Without further ado, here it is.

Watching Levi use the Gear was every bit as beautiful as Erwin had anticipated. He was a natural, and though many seemed surprised, Erwin was not. He had known for a long time that Levi’s grace would be a sight to behold on the battlefield, that his strength would make him a formidable soldier. Mike told Erwin, privately, that Levi smelled like hope, and Erwin thanked him, musing to himself that he could not have summed Levi up in any other way. 

They trained together for three months and were nearly inseparable. Rumors swirled about Levi’s origins, several of the higher-ranking officers recognizing him and commenting on the odd circumstances that had brought him here. Erwin told Levi to ignore it, and when they realized how quickly he was catching onto his training, the questions and rumors slowed, then shifted to talk of his outstanding ability. Levi was prodigious, incredible, a sight to behold. Instead of whispering of his Crimson past, they began whispering of him as Erwin Smith’s great discovery, as the strongest soldier ever seen, of a rising star, a soldier truly capable of reviving the Survey Corps’ campaign against the titans. People began asking how _exactly_ Erwin had found him, but Erwin would simply smile and change the subject so deftly that he was hardly discovered. He was no stranger to avoidance, and the mystery just made Levi more popular.

As the summer rolled in, Erwin was given orders to head out to Maria where he would complete Levi’s training and begin utilizing the renewed interest in the Survey Corps to pull off some of the larger expeditions. They were to move with an entire caravan of soldiers and supplies, but Erwin managed to find an excuse to leave a few days early so that they could travel alone, just Levi and himself. Training from sun up to sun down and sleeping in the barracks had given them almost no time for physical intimacy, though secretly Erwin was thankful for the time it had given them to adjust to one another. The dynamic between them was shifting now that Levi no longer felt the need to maintain his upper hand at all times. They were not, strictly speaking, equals, but they could function more comfortably when the imbalance of their power didn’t hinge on Levi being considered a non-person. 

And though he complained quite regularly of the dust in the barracks and the mediocrity of the hand-pumped showers, the changes Erwin saw in Levi were dramatic and lovely to watch. Others might not have noticed — he was still surly and crude, after all, his mannerisms the same ones that had enabled the “thug” story to be sold broadly, but there was an unnamed tension in him that was ebbing away, now. Erwin tried not to think about what it would be like when they reached the front lines, when Levi was forced to face the titans, when he had to watch his friends and comrades die…Erwin had put these things behind him when he’d returned to Sina for additional training. Now that they were heading back to Maria, it was coming back quickly. For now, though, he would savor the time that they had. 

They rode during the warm days, keeping an easy pace as they passed through town after town and then, after passing through Sina, through great expanses of lonely road. And as they travelled, they talked, Levi full of questions about titans, battle strategy, how his training would be handled in Shinganshina, Erwin was pleased to answer him, stopping to point out interesting land formations or birds and other creatures. After their second day of travel, they chose to make camp as the sun went down. The sky was clear and the temperature mild, and since they were far from any one town, they chose to sleep on a hill under the stars, bathed in the light of a half-moon.

After building a fire and letting potatoes cook in the ashes, Erwin produced a flask that Maur had gifted him with as they’d gone. Levi leaned against him as they ate and drank, and Erwin felt the kind of warmth in his guts that only Levi inspired. Fighting the titans, creating the world he desired so much would require him to shut down the parts of himself that Levi had brought to life, but here, beside a dying fire, with a flask of spirits and a good dinner, with Levi’s slender body curled into his, Erwin let himself forget about all of that and just _be_.

They laid out the blankets and bedding and climbed into them, Erwin feeling warm, happy, content, staring up at the stars as the firelight dimmed. He turned to Levi, opening his mouth to say something about stars and constellations, but the look in Levi’s eyes shocked him into silence. Levi smirked, but the hunger that was there was unmistakable; Erwin took only a moment to compose himself before he leaned in, caught the edge of Levi’s jaw in his hand, and brought their lips close. He kept them there, lips nearly touching, breath blowing hot against one another’s faces, and then Levi was surging toward him and Erwin laughed, pulling away for a moment before pushing back, flipping Levi onto his back and grabbing his wrists up in one smooth motion. 

“Asshole,” Levi spat out, but Erwin ignored him, taking the opportunity to pepper kisses against the pulse in his neck, to run his tongue over the shell of Levi’s ear, to revel in the way that Levi began to squirm beneath him. He sucked at the soft skin of Levi’s earlobe, smiling into his neck as Levi bucked his hips beneath him. He took a moment to grab at Levi’s shirt, pulling it up over his head before tossing it aside and grabbing up both of his wrists into the grip of one hand. He reached down with the other, running his fingers over the quickly-developing lean muscle of his torso, bringing his thumb to rest on the ridge of Levi’s hipbone. He gripped him tight, and then tighter, tighter to the point of pain, and Levi squirmed more and shuddered, and Erwin could swear he caught a smile on his lips. Erwin pulled his hand away and felt Levi shiver and go slack for the barest moment, then surge up to find Erwin’s lips again. Though he indulged him with a few kisses, Erwin ducked away a moment later to take one of Levi’s small, pink nipples in his mouth, feeling it go erect as his tongue swirled around it, as Levi moaned for him, his head flopping back against the blankets. 

Erwin turned his mouth to the other nipple, using the fingers of his free hand to swirl at the over-sensitive skin of the first, pleased by Levi’s bucking and cursing. He almost let Levi’s wrists free, then, but waited, first moving his attentions to the side, nipping and licking up and down his ribs, tasting the faint saltiness of his skin, exploring the ridges between every bone, and when Levi gasped and his belly went concave, Erwin took his lowest rib in his teeth and bit it until he knew the skin over it had bruised. Levi growled, went stiff, then melted down into the bedding again, and Erwin let his eyes flick up to his face, checking him, making sure all was well. Levi looked down at him with fire in his gaze and hissed, “Come the fuck _on_ you piece o-…” But his words dissolved into a groan as Erwin pushed his face into the soft hair beneath his arm, inhaling deeply the scent of him, breathing against that tender skin as Levi fought against him and moaned. 

“Fucking gross old man,” Levi spat, and Erwin murmured, “Should I stop?” Levi only shuddered, bit his lips and shook his head vigorously. The grin that took over Erwin’s mouth was wolfish, and he moved his attentions up the soft, pale skin over Levi’s tricep, flicking his tongue up and down, swirling it in circles, holding Levi’s wrists tight, keeping his arms and torso laid out and open to him. Levi arched his back and bared his neck, and Erwin needed no further invitation, sucking bruises from the nape of his neck to his prominent collarbone. Holding Levi’s wrists had been an impulse but so far, Erwin’s impulses weren’t leading him astray. Levi was squirming wickedly, panting as Erwin’s lips made their way down the center of his narrow body, and when he stopped to swirl his tongue in the shallow indentation of Levi’s bellybutton, his moan bordered on a shout. 

Reluctantly, Erwin let go of Levi’s wrists, slipping his hands down to grasp at those slender hips. His hands dwarfed them; he could press his thumbs into the ridges of Levi’s hipbones and still grasp the curve of Levi’s ass in his fingers. The sight of it made him feel primal, raw, powerful, possessive, and he couldn’t pull Levi’s pants off fast enough, and Levi was helping, lifting his hips, pushing away the fabric, grasping at Erwin’s shirt and pulling until Erwin finally pulled it over his head and tossed it aside, skin dappled silver in the moonlight. 

“You big gorgeous piece of shit,” Levi whispered, propping himself up on his elbows as Erwin leaned over him. 

“Remember the fantasy I spun for you?” he asked, voice rough and low.

“Like I’ll ever forget it, shit head.”

“Good boy,” Erwin murmured, and then he was grasping Levi’s pale leg, pulling it straight, and biting into his thigh with intent. Levi gasped and curled a fist into his hair, yanking on it until Erwin growled and let go. 

“ _More,_ ” Levi breathed out, and Erwin groaned and buried his head in the dark silken curls of hair between Levi’s legs and let himself inhale the scent of him, filing away every detail of the way skin and hair felt against his lips, the way the sweet musky scent of him filled his nose while Levi’s fingers flexed in and out of Erwin’s hair, pulling and pressing as he became more and more impatient. Finally, satisfied with having memorized all of the available sensations, Erwin buried his face between Levi’s legs, surprised to find him so slick that he was dripping. He lapped at the wetness of his cunt like a man starved, reveling in the taste of him, his tongue flicking up and down experimentally as he sought the cluster of nerves that would send Levi bucking and crying out. Levi gasped and pressed Erwin’s head down harder, and Erwin obliged him by wrapping his cunt in his mouth, sucking at it as Levi’s free hand scrabbled at the blankets. He felt overcome almost, every thought besides _Levi_ banished from his mind, and then he swirled his tongue in a circle and Levi cried out loudly, and Erwin wondered at the sounds he made because he’d somehow expected him to be quiet, to be restrained, but Levi was coming apart under his fingers and his tongue and being so deliciously vocal. Erwin moaned into his cunt, eliciting a corresponding groan from Levi that travelled the lengths of Erwin’s spine and settled at the small of his back, and he was so fucking hard, painfully so, but he wanted this to _last_ , for fuck’s sake; he’d waited for what felt like a lifetime, and who knew when they would have another chance to fuck like this? 

Levi’s cunt was hot and slick and soft and as Erwin made circles with his tongue around the firm bundle of nerves at the peak of it, he couldn’t help but bring a hand down, couldn’t help but slip a finger inside of that wet heat. Levi’s back arched and he cried out, his body clamping down on Erwin’s finger, drawing him in. He was tight but soaking wet, and after a moment his body relaxed and opened to Erwin, and Erwin was slipping in a second finger, moving as though he was stroking Levi from the inside while he mimicking the motion with his tongue. Levi’s body went rigid, his teeth clicking together as his jaw snapped shut, and he threw his head back and then sat up halfway, exhaled, and flopped back into the bedding, grasping at the blankets as though desperately searching for something, anything to anchor him there in that moment with Erwin. Erwin hummed into him, his hunger growing, burning inside him like a wildfire that threatened to consume them both. Levi panted and made little noises, his muscles winding tighter and tighter as Erwin’s fingers pumped into him, as he licked and sucked and swirled, the slick wet noise of it all making him feel filthy, perfect, set aflame. 

“Erwin!” Levi choked out, and that was all the warning he had before Levi’s entire body went rigid, before Erwin felt him clench tight around his fingers, and Erwin kept laving him with his tongue, wiggling his fingers as much as he could despite the tight strength of him, and the the orgasm was rolling over him, his entire body shaking, twitching as he was hit with wave after wave of pleasure, and Erwin slowed his pace, took him through it with slow, careful strokes of his fingers, his tongue. Finally, Levi’s body went limp, and Erwin extricated his fingers from him slowly, carefully, pulled his face away and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.

Levi’s chest was heaving, and Erwin swallowed the taste of him down and leaned over him, pressing soft kisses up the column of his neck. Their lips met, and Levi licked the last vestiges of himself from Erwin’s mouth, his tongue lapping at him, feline and hungry and Erwin’s arousal was suddenly spiking all over again. He grabbed Levi’s ankles and hauled them up, grasping his hips as Levi began to wriggle, to revive from the stupor his orgasm had created. He lined the head of his cock up with Levi’s opening and looked at him. “Stop fuckin’ ‘round,” Levi slurred, and that was all the encouragement Erwin needed. He sunk into Levi slowly, mindful of their relative sizes, and enjoyed watching Levi’s back arch, watching as he offered his neck again. With a gasp, with a moan, with a sigh Erwin was fully inside him, his cock throbbing into the heat of Levi’s body, his chest heaving.

He started slowly, pulling himself back until just the head of his cock remained inside Levi, and then pushing himself back, torturous, amorous, _slow_. “You’re so fucking wet for me, Levi,” he groaned, reaching his hands down to grasp at Levi’s hips. 

“Good….fucking…thing…” Levi gasped out, and Erwin thrust in again, eliciting a long, low moan. “You’re fuckin’…huge…fucker…” With a growl, Erwin began alternating his speed so that he pulled out slowly, sinfully, enjoying every inch of Levi squeezing him as if to keep him from pulling out entirely, and then thrusting himself back in so fast that it made Levi gasp, shout, and scratch at his forearms with frantic hands. 

“Asshole,” Levi panted, and Erwin did it again a little faster, which made Levi thrash about and nearly kick him in the head. “Fucker…F-….fuck _you_ , ahh!” And then Erwin was pounding into him, and he felt light, overcome, animal, possessive. His grip on Levi was bruising, and Levi was grasping at him, scratching his arms and yelling, but he was encouraging, saying _Yes_ and _More_ and _There, Erwin, don’t stop_ and Erwin was growling and groaning in a way he might have been ashamed of with anyone else, anyone except Levi. 

He felt Levi’s body shift, felt his weight roll and Erwin rolled with him, Levi turning them over so Erwin was beneath him, looking up the the moonlight shining on the sharp edge of Levi’s cheekbones, gleaming silver in his eyes, and Levi looked wicked and debauched in a way Erwin had never seen, raw and open, nothing like the persona he’d watched Levi pull on for clients time after time. He was gorgeous, glorious, and briefly Erwin considered the look of him flying around the training course, and he couldn’t help it when his hips bucked up and made Levi’s breath catch in his throat for a moment before it poured forth as a stream of curses and threats offered to the heavens, Levi’s head thrown back in rapture. 

Erwin watched him then, the long, lean lines of him, felt the way his cunt flexed around his cock as Levi writhed around atop him. He was vaguely aware of making somewhat undignified noises, was vaguely aware of Levi’s encouraging him to come inside him, and his thrusts were getting erratic as Levi rode him harder and harder and harder still. Erwin’s hands snapped up and he grabbed Levi’s hips tight, as tight as he could, and Levi shouted and moaned and wiggled around in his grasp and then Erwin was going rigid, the air knocked from his lungs as an orgasm crashed over him in waves and Levi just kept riding until he was coming again, too, his body milking Erwin’s cock as it throbbed and throbbed and throbbed. 

When Erwin was spent, Levi slid off of him and flopped down over him, his head resting just over Erwin’s heart, slender arm slung over his chest, one leg curling over his own possessively. Erwin reached down for blankets and found them, pulled them over the both of them, and sighed. For a moment, they simply breathed, pulses slowing down to a reasonable pace, breath slowing from gasps to a gentle, blissful rhythm. Erwin felt warm and heavy and disbelieving, and though he didn’t mean to allow his lips to shift into a smile, he was powerless to stop it. Levi’s small hand snaked up, his slender fingers running down Erwin’s cheek. 

“Why are you smiling, dummy?”

Erwin chuckled softly, sleepily. “I…I’m just…pleased.”

“Cat that got the canary, huh?”

“Sure,” he murmured, lifting his head to place a kiss on Levi’s hair. 

“I’ve never done that before…”

“Sex?” Levi asked incredulously.

“No, I’ve had sex,” he replied. “Just not…been intimate. I’ve never been intimate with someone that I fucked.”

“What…? The fuck’s that mean?”

Erwin chuckled again and lifted his hand to brush it through Levi’s hair. “Just that I think you’re incredible. And I’m glad that you’re mine.”

The were both quiet for a moment, just breathing, warm and sweat-slicked and pressed together. 

“Levi,” Erwin started, and Levi groaned into his chest. 

“What, old man?” he grumbled sleepily.

“You know it wont always be like this, right?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“I mean when we get there…fighting the titans…it’s pretty horrific.”

“What…the fuck, Erwin, I…”

But Levi stopped, moving to prop himself up so that he was staring into Erwin’s moonlit eyes. Erwin looked up at him, and Levi dropped a kiss upon his forehead. “Look, I know you want to warn me,” he started, and then he shook his head and sighed. “I was…dead. For a long time, eight years, longer, who knows, but I was _dead_ Erwin. You brought me back.” 

For a moment, Levi looked pained, and then he ducked down to Erwin’s chest again. “Don’t look at me, but…my life is yours. Whatever time we get…I’m yours. So stop being a mopey fuck and fucking enjoy it.”

Erwin smiled again, reached down, and lifted Levi’s face until he could kiss him long, deep, slow, his tongue sweeping Levi’s mouth as Levi let out a little moan of appreciation. When they finally pulled apart, Erwin sighed and laid his head back down, his eyes fixed on the stars above them. 

“I fully plan to,” he murmured, and a few moments later they were both fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to give a very special thank you to my partner, Will. This entire fic is a love letter to him, really. It isn't the first love letter I've written for him and it wont be the last. He's my life and my universe and I can't express it enough. <3 I love you, kitten.
> 
> And of course, a thank you to every single one of you who chose to read this fic, and an extra thank you to those who have commented (and will comment!) and those who have messaged me on tumblr. Life is never easy, but having such a rich and positive source of feedback has been fantastic. Gilded has rekindled my passion for writing, and has also shown me that I can still write. Several have told me that this fic was life changing...it was for me as well. I'm very pleased that my little love letter could have such a positive effect.
> 
> So thank you, all of you, so so so much. 
> 
> <3


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